Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.
Friday, August 7, 1998
As if "on cue", the following submission made its way into my mailbox shortly after posting yesterday's joke (see below):
Monica Lewinsky:
I am a prime example of Transactional Immunity,
I'll tell you all my story with utter, complete impunity;
The Jury Grand will be enthralled, they'll never want to miss a word
About my little fling with Bill, of which you've merely rumors heard.
I'll tell you all the juicy bits, along with dates and whereabouts,
I'll even show you how we hid from Secret Service roustabouts.
In short, I've had it up to here with Bill and all his feeble lies;
So now I'm gonna spill all to Ken Starr and watch Bill's temper rise.
Grand Jury:
So now she's gonna spill it to Ken Starr and watch Bill's temper rise.
So now she's gonna spill it to Ken Starr and watch Bill's temper rise.
So now she's gonna spill it to Ken Starr and watch Bill's temper rise.
Monica Lewinsky:
I'm not so good at hedging on sex matters categorical,
But I can prove Bill spilled the beans in matters rather ... uh, or-ic-al.
In short, in matters horrible, some say downright deplorable,
Transactional Immunity, I think is just adorable!
Grand Jury:
In short, in matters horrible, some say downright deplorable,
Transactional Immunity for her is just adorable!
Monica Lewinsky:
Starr says I have to tell the Jury how I loved the President,
And to include defin'tive proof so they'll know just which way he's bent;
To share with them the secrets of the President's large staff (and more!)
Including how we did it in the Oval Office on the floor.
I'll fill the void on very special fing'rings for Bill's saxophone
And even 'bout his favorite party game of "Now, let's hide the bone!"
And then I'll let the Jury take a look at my blue love-stained dress ...
The one containing DNA that may force Billy to confess.
Grand Jury:
The dress containing DNA that may force Billy to confess.
The dress containing DNA that may force Billy to confess.
The dress containing DNA that may force Billy to confess.
Monica Lewinsky:
This story's true, but sad to say, I haven't been Bill's only one;
Ms. Hillary claims there are hundreds others that slick Willie's done;
Ken Starr says that my claim to fame is not so much a mystery ...
He says the nation does agree that I've gone down in history!
I've said a mouthful here and there, and to the Jury I'll spit out
A thousand other little swimming creatures we won't to talk about.
But given such Immunity (a Blanket Pardon, if you will)
I'll swallow all my pride and then make William Clinton pay the bill.
Grand Jury:
She'll swallow all that pride and then make William Clinton pay the bill.
She'll swallow all that pride and then make William Clinton pay the bill.
She'll swallow all that pride and then make William Clinton pay the bill.
Monica Lewinsky:
I wish it hadn't come to this, my darling, precious Billy-boy,
But Mama says that men are cads, and that I'm not just some sex-toy.
So I'll now say you're horrible, I'll even say, deplorable!
But my Transactional Immunity is just adorable!
Grand Jury:
In all these matters horrible, these matters quite deplorable,
Transactional Immunity, indeed, is just adorable!
Copyright, 1998 - Gale Stevenson
[LadyGale@aol.com]
Editor's Note: Okay, folks. I think that gets in just about all the Monica jokes (and does it in a much less vulgar fashion than most of the authors in my mailbox), so you don't have to send any more in. Really.
Thursday, August 6, 1998
As the Clinton drama unfolds towards its denouement in Washington, D.C., competing groups are racing to put the President's story onto the Broadway stage. Among the competing projects:
Wednesday, August 5, 1998
Word that the FBI has determined that the stains on Monica's cocktail dress are, in fact, semen stains and that a possible match could be substantiated once the lab obtain hair, saliva or blood samples reached the Oval Office just before the President's meeting with the V.P., which opened as follows:
V.P. Gore: "You wanted to see me, Mr. President."
President Clinton: "Yes, Al, have a seat. I wanted to talk
about -- Al, did you know your hair sticking up in the back? Here, use
my hairbrush . . ."
[C. J. Burke]
Tuesday, August 4, 1998
It's been reported that the damage control team in the White House
has been trying to find out the results of the FBI's test on the stained
dress, but so far there have been no leaks.
The irony, of course, is that is was a leak that started all the trouble.
[C. J. Burke]
From Phil D., distidad2@.....:
"Isn't it ironic that during the "Era of Clinton" that Viagra is invented?
Just my own observation"
From Shawn M., pianoguy@g.....:
"something about the clinton presidency leaves a bad taste in my mouth."
From Jayne A.:
As the heat turned up over speculation about the stain on Monica's Love
Dress, President Clinton was asked why he seemed so cool and
unconcerned. "Why, "he said?" "Because it's my dress in the first
place."
Anne O., anneo...@....net:
Clinton did not come clean in his depositions on Paula...or Monica.
Monday, August 3, 1998
The Top Five Clinton Administration Typos
5.Al Hore (with honorable mention to "Sore", "Bore"
and "Gone")
4.Janet Rino
3.Bull Clinton
2.Demonrats
1.Hitlary
[#2-4 C. J. Burke, #1 found in use
on "Free Republic"]
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