THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Animal Rights, Dying Dogs, and Support for Jaunita
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, February 26, 1999
The Credibility Gap
The problem with these stories is that when you boil it all down, it's
just a case of
he-said-she-said-she-said-she-said-she-said-she-said-she-said-she-said-she-said.
It's his word against hers and hers and hers and hers and hers and hers
and hers and hers and hers and hers.
Who are you going to believe? The President of the United States or a
bunch of sluts?
[C. J. Burke]
Thursday, February 25, 1999
Clinton's Lip Biting
Now that the Juanita Broaddrick story has aired, we finally know
why impeached President Bill Clinton bites his lip so often.
He's just trying to bring back the memories of the good old days.
[C. J. Burke]
Was it Consensual?
At the end of the Juanita Rape segment on Dateline NBC last night,
Jane Pauley asked, "Was it sexual assault? Was it consensual?..."
Jane, you ignorant slut! Maybe in some fantasy
world of yours, split, bitten, bleeding lips and torn hosiery amount to
a consensual act, but in the real world or real life when real women
are involved, bodily bruising and bleeding are the signs of vicious
assault. Maybe, if you like, I can beat some sense into
you and explain the facts about rape. As long as it's consensual.
[C. J. Burke]
Wednesday, February 24, 1999
Italian Court Ruling
Last week, an Italian court ruled that a woman wearing jeans
cannot be "raped". The only way a "rapist" could get the pants of the
victim would be for her to take them off, which implies consent. Ergo,
no rape has been committed.
Meanwhile, back in the Beltway, impeached President Clinton
announced that he thinks he knows who to appoint when Chief Justice
Rehnquist steps down.
[C. J. Burke]
To paraphrase Bill: It all depends on what the meaning of
"rape" is.
Parsing the Denial
Clinton's attorneys have declared that any allegation that he
raped Juanita Broaddrick more than 20 years ago are "absolutely
false".
When asked further about the former Mrs. Hickey, the lawyer
responed, "Oh, we didn't say anything about anyone named 'Hickey'."
[C. J. Burke]
Don't ask him about anything less than 20
years ago either.
Tuesday, February 23, 1999
Not Even a Simple Majority
You may have heard the mantra repeated lately, "the vote didn't even
produce a simple majority which proves that the whole matter should never
have been started in the first place."
And so after a vote of non-removal by the Senate, the impeached
President
remains in office because of the will of the American people whose vote
didn't even produce a simple majority in either election.
Maybe the mantra is right, this whole matter should never have been
started in the first place. Back in 1992.
[C. J. Burke]
Monday, February 22, 1999
Animal Activists Rise Up Against
Clinton!
Impeached President Bill Clinton returned "triumphantly" to New
Hampshire
to thank the residents for their support and proclaimed that he will be
there "until the last dog dies."
Outraged animal-rights activists want to know who's killing dogs.
[C. J. Burke]
Clinton said that they've been taking out the dogs around him, but
that he was still standing.
Ironically, he isn't the first person to compare him with a dog.
Many have been comparing him to a dirty dog in heat for years.
[C. J. Burke]
Due to possible misunderstanding with the fine folks in the
Secret Service, this page will not
make any "run down in the street like the dirty dog that you are" type
of comments, which might be construed as some sort of threat. We wish
the impeached president a long, healthy life filled with scorn and
ridicule.
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