THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Melissa Virus, Monica Virus, Bill's Diary & Military Strategy
& April Fools
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, April 2, 1999
Bill's Military Strategy
Impeached President Clinton's advisors have told him that our troops
have been spread too far and too thin. Clinton shook his head and
replied, "Why are they called divisions if you can't divide them up and
send them out?"
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Well, it may not be Ramadan, so the bombing will continue.
The Pope has asked the impeached president to call off the bombing
this weekend, but the impeached president says that he couldn't
celebrate the death and rebirth of Our Lord (Clinton purports to
be a Christian) by allowing a butcher to kill one more person.
And, of course, Clinton knows more than the Pope about such matters
as what's appropriate. But for the rest of you, let me just add:
Happy Easter!
Clinton laid an egg when he planned this bombing campaign as the
final solution. Too bad we can't color that egg at put it back on
the White House lawn.
Thursday, April 1, 1999
April Fool's Page
Check out the April Fool's page.
Wednesday, March 31, 1999
Bill's Diary
Yesterday's entry in Bill Clinton's diary:
"Bombed Serbia, raised a million dollars, hit a hole
in one on the third mulligan, ducked Sam Donaldson rape
questions by claiming I'm busy doing the work of the
American people."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Tuesday, March 30, 1999
The Monica Virus
Warning! Hot on the heels of the
Melissa Virus
comes the Monica Virus. Its characteristics are
as follows:
- massive memory failure
- files missing
- records shredded
- laptops corrupted
- jobs destroyed
- second term fragmented
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Monday, March 29, 1999
The Melissa Virus
An aide walked into the Oval Office and announced, "Bad news,
Mr. President. You've caught the Melissa virus."
The impeached president cursed. Then he stood up and dropped his
pants. "Don't just stand there," Clinton replied. "Get the doctor
in here to give me the shot and get it over with."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
And, of course, Gore made great friends with the "Native
Americans", a name that he invented years before the country was even
call "America", and apologized for the vile treatment at the hands of
the evil white Columbus who got there two years earlier.
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