(This page is a part of the contradance pages maintained by Kiran Wagle)

Guns at the Dance and Issues of Etiquette

by Bill Meyers

(This article was originally posted to the Usenet newsgroup <rec.folk-dancing>.)

Victor Eijkhout writes:

[WRY HUMOR ALERT :-]

Guns could be applicable to many perennial r.f-d issues, methinks.

"I said "DON'T TWIRL ME," hissed Merle, wrestling her arm down, and this time giving 'Hal the Mixmaster' a glimpse of her Smith & Wesson Model 65 LadySmith .357 Magnum revolver.

Hal blinked, then lowered Merle's hand and courtesy-turned her - on time - with the most respectful attention. As the dance moved on he slowly lost his thoughtful look; and at the end he thanked Merle for showing him that courtesy turns were okay.

"The proper allemande grip," Carrie explained to 'Joe the Arm', "is just like shooting a handgun. Keep your wrist straight, hold your partner's hand firmly but not too tight, and don't tilt your hand to the right or the left. With a handgun, of course, that throws your shot off. In the allemande it twists your partner's wrist, which hurts. Both are uncool."

By the end of the evening Joe was booked four dances ahead, and several women asked Carrie if she had noticed the change. Carrie just smiled sweetly, and mentioned that Joe seemed to be communicating better for some reason - wasn't that nice?

"What happened out there, Jan?" asked Betty. "That was 'Bob the Blanket' you were dancing with, and I could see daylight between you. When he danced with me, I couldn't pry him off with a crowbar. Please, I've got to know your secret!"

"Oh, it's hilarious!" giggled Jan. "I knew what was coming, so I adjusted my Kramer Confidant T-Shirt/Holster to make my Walther PPK stick out a little. When Bob did his thing, he ran right into it. His eyes got big (I was looking deeply into them, of course) and then he became a perfect gentleman. Say, I'll bet we can train him for you, too! Here, let me lend you something to wear..."

Left as exercises for the reader:
  1. Booking Ahead
  2. Encouraging Beginners to Dance
  3. Center Set Syndrome
  4. Turning Down an Invitation to Dance
  5. [etc.]

Support a woman's right to choose: 9mm or .45?

Bill Meyers <meyers@leonardo.rtp.dg.com>

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Last updated on August 14, 1996 by entropy@io.com (Kiran Wagle)