Guilt And Responsibility

Daimonique cuddles in Faber's arms - not wearing much of anything at all. Besides, it's sunny and warm and comfy and happy. And more then a bit sweaty.

Faber is sprawled contentedly on his back,wings and arms curled about Daimonique.

Daimonique cuddles with contentment, staring up at the clouds. "I think that one looks like a moose."

Faber squints up. "Hrm... antlers... nose... hooves..."

Above, a tawny-winged, tigers-eye scaled Seraph seems to be quartering the Glade in a methodical search pattern.

Daimonique says "It's the huge schnoozle. The kind you want to reach out and squeeze."

Faber laughs.

Faber says "That'd likely be dangerous. They're huge animals."

Daimonique says "That, I think, is the essential moosy-ness, though."

Above, the Seraph begins a slow descent towards the duck pond.

Faber nods, rubbing his jaw lightly against Daimonique's hair.

Daimonique points at the sky. "And that one there looks like a table, for some reason. Just a coffee table. It might have some good books on it, though."

Faber's eyes squint a bit, "If that Seraph keeps going, it's ending up here, I think."

Daimonique says "Erm."

The Seraph approaches.

Faber stays pretty relaxed, thought Daimonique might be able to tell that certain muscles seem to solidify under her touch.

Daimonique sighs heavily.

Faber eyes Daimonique, "You know something I don't?"

The Seraph lands, several yards away, not entirely looking at the pair.

Daimonique says "It looks suspiciously like Jordan."

Faber says "Ah... who is?"

Daimonique says "A Seraph of Judgment."

The Seraph glances over his shoulder at the pair.

Faber prompts lazily, watching the Seraph, "Oh."

It is, indeed, Jordan.

Daimonique leans over and kisses Faber. "He's okay."

Faber chuckles and kisses Daimonique back thoroughly.

Daimonique mmmmmms. Malakite smoochies. She kisses back with happy passionate abandon.

Jordan sighs a bit and morphs to his human form, the Seraphic nature showing through as well. Six wings cloaked about him, he heads over, occasionally pausing to pick up something that looks like Daimonique's clothing, folding it over an arm.

Faber does the proper thing and pays attention to the kiss, rather than the non-threat.

Jordan gathers Daimonique's clothing and stands over the pair, quietly.

Daimonique pays attention to Faber, since he's a wonderfully delightful kisser, among other things.

Jordan waits patiently.

Jordan . o O (Creationers. *sigh*)

Faber finally takes a breath, grins up at Jordan, "Wanna join us?"

Daimonique says "Faber is wonderful, and very cuddly. C'mon Jordan, it'll be fun."

Jordan lifts an eyebrow. "I have been sent to bring you to the Spires, Daimonique." He offers the clothes a bit. "I do not think you wish to go there nude."

Jordan has a pokerface worthy of an English Butler.

Daimonique sighs. "Oh."

Faber says "Ah... so I guess you don't want to just watch either. Shame that."

Jordan just gives Faber a look.

Faber grins a bit at Daimonique's sigh and kisses her nose.

Daimonique grins at Faber. "It is a shame!"

Faber grins up at Jordan's look.

Jordan sighs and lays the clothes down on the ground, then moves off a few paces, looking out over the duck pond.

Faber says "Sounds like you got things to do, Daimonique, to follow up on your choices."

Daimonique says "Yeah, unfortunately."

Faber says "Why unfortunate?"

Daimonique says "Because this is the part where my happiness ends and my life starts sucking again."

Jordan lowers his head, folding his arms. His wings seem to hunch.

Faber blinks mildly. "Then why choose suckage?"

Daimonique says "I have to. It's a duty thing, and it's a-callin'."

Faber grins mildly, "Well, hrm... I thik I understand. Some things are worth some pain."

Jordan says, quietly, over his shoulder, "If you wish to leave the service of the Most Just, Daimonique..."

Daimonique leans over, kisses Faber again, and gets up to start getting dressed.

Faber smiles.

Faber gets up to poke about for his jeans.

Daimonique grins. "You made me very happy, Faber. You're the first person to actually achieve the unachievable."

Faber blinks at that, then laughs, "I didn't know it was unachievable... whatever 'it' is..."

Jordan gazes out over the duck pond.

Faber steps into his jeans, buttons, zips, belts and listens.

Daimonique pulls on her jeans and her t-shirt. And then she walks over to Faber. "Thanks for a little bit of brightness."

Faber grins, "I would say the same..." and opens wings and arms for her.

Daimonique goes into his arms and nuzzles the heck out of his soft black wings.

Jordan glances over his shoulder in time to see the embrace.

Faber hugs solidly, darkness about bright.

Jordan calls quietly, "I, ah, do trust that your friend is also of Creation, Daimonique?"

Faber says "Take care, sweet, of your duty and your self."

Daimonique finishes a mad nuzzle, and breaks away from the Malakite. "I will. I hope to see you later, if I don't get a foot planted in my behind and given the all holy shove."

Faber nods at Jordan over Daimonique's shoulder and grins at what she says.

Daimonique picks up her guitar, and does a little spinning dance on the grass.

Jordan tilts his head, then squints at Faber. "Faber, is it?"

Faber walks toward Jordan, "Yes."

Faber turns a bit when he's by Jordan to watch Daimonique spin.

Jordan nods, unfurling his wings a bit from his shoulders. His hands are behind his back, semi-casually. "Hm. The same who encountered a Habbalite of the War?"

<> Jo thinks 'knew' is the biblical term :)

Daimonique is still spinning, trying to become dizzy. Spin spin spin spin spin.

Faber chuckles, "Yes. Seventy years ago."

Jordan says, "Hm," again. Then, "I do not suppose you held back any information? Or is what is mentioned in her file complete, with regards to the encounter?"

Daimonique stops spinning. "Okay Jordan. Geez."

Faber's posture straightens just a bit, "Nothing that I knew, and I have no idea what you have on file."

Faber grins, "Not that I didn't ask to see."

Jordan sighs. "Ah. A pity there is nothing new to shed light upon her motives."

Faber's grin isn't the friendly thing given to Daimonique, something with just a touch more edge.

Jordan . o O (Does she think Pat's a target for recruitment or not? Who knows. *sigh*)

Jordan ignores the expression with experience.

Daimonique finishes putting on her tennies.

Faber says "Motives?"

Jordan nods. "She seems to have returned from whatever punishement or Hell-side assignments kept her, for so long."

Daimonique stops fooling around, and just _looks_ at Jordan. It's the patented Daimon "I'm not real pleased with the crap you're pulling" look.

Faber's wings rise just a bit, attention sharpening. "She's back?"

Jordan blinks at Daimonique. His wings hunch reflexively. His expression is puzzled.

Daimonique usually reserves that look for Terry, actually. It's a Balseraph-honed look. But it works just as well on Seraphim, apparently.

Faber says "Doing what and where?"

Jordan . o O (What have I done *this* time??)

Faber 's attention is now entirely Jordan's.

Jordan is distracted from Daimonique looking daggers at him, slightly, and divides his attention back and forth. "Ah..."

Jordan looks back at Daimonique. "What have I done?" he asks, plaintively.

<> Jordan rolls the d666 and gets 6 1 CHECK: 3.

Daimonique says "It's one thing to interrupt our happiness so I can be thoroughly spanked. It's another thing to interrupt and then start questioning. You don't need to take it out on Faber."

Faber blinks at Daimonique, "It's... uhm. It's okay. I'm used to being questioned."

Jordan morphs back to Seraphic, rearing back somewhat into an S and blinking repeatedly, one pair of eyes at a time, up and down. "I hoped he might know something to help us!"

<> Faber does *not* really help matters any, but it's what pops into his head.

Daimonique says "No, it's not okay. This is something that could have done even a little later."

<> Pat mutters about subjectivity.

Jordan peers at Daimonique. "Are you aware how hard it is to locate Creationers? Do you not want to know why Caliah might have escorted Mazpatiel when they set off to rescue you?"

Faber says "I can't help if I don't know what you're looking for, Jordan. If you Judgement folks would give me what you know, I might be able to help, but how can I if I don't even know what you're looking at or for?"

Faber says "Caliah escorted... who's Mazpatiel?"

Daimonique pauses, and perses her lips. Then says, "No. Not right now, I don't want to know. For once in my long sad god forsaken life I want to be happy instead."

Jordan covers his head with his wings a moment. To Faber, he says, "Mazpatiel is the Elohite of Judgment who is mentoring Daimonique. Caliah, also known as Cecilia, has been involved with Daimonique and Mazpatiel in recent events pertaining to the recent Hellish politics involving the imprisonment of a Prince."

Faber takes a breath at what Daimonique says and then another deep one and the tension goes out of his body, "Jordan, should I come over to find you later and talk this over with you then?"

Daimonique says "Kobal. You can say it, Jordan. His name is Kobal."

Faber looks at Daimonique as she says that.

Jordan spreads his wings, uncovering his head, but still hunches them. He nods to Faber, quietly.

Daimonique looks, well, has a very weird and funny look.

Faber grins a little crookedly, then leans forward to kiss Daimonique's nose, "Is that the dark corner you lit up?"

Daimonique says "Kind of like a night light."

Faber nods, "Finest kind, keeps people from being scared in the dark."

Jordan turns away, cloaking himself in his wings, and lets the other angels have something approximating privacy.

Faber hugs Daimonique.

Daimonique says "And the dark can be very scary."

Daimonique hugs back.

Faber says "Very."

Daimonique says "I still need to leave on the light when I go to bed."

Faber says "You are a light."

Faber grins mildly, hugs tight, then steps back.

Daimonique says "And maybe someday, when I'm _a lot_ wiser and older, I'll even lead others to it."

Daimonique says "But in the mean time, I'm gonna need some bactine soon. So I better get this over with."

Faber looks like he's contemplating pouncehugging Jordan but then shakes his head, the Seraph wouldn't like it.

Faber grins at Daimonique.

Jordan is unaware of his narrow escape of hugging. He simply stares out over the duck pond, wings hunched around him.

Faber, instead, touches Jordan on the hunched shoulder, "Hey."

Jordan looks up.

<> Demiurge | Jordan . o 0 ( I am being attacked by a Malakite of Eli! The revolution has arrived! Aux armes! )

Faber says "Thanks."

Daimonique shrugs on her jacket.

Jordan tilts his head. "For what?"

Faber says "I've been looking for her all these years. It's good to know something after that long."

Jordan sighs. "The report said you believed she had some brightness within her, some potential. I hope you are right."

Faber grins the easy Malakite grin, "I am."

Faber says "But thanks again, and I'll be by."

Jordan unhunches slightly. "You are welcome, and you have only to ask for my whereabouts at the Spires. I believe I will be in my office shortly."

Faber nods.

Jordan adds, "Name-drop if you are being obstructed. I do wish to see you later."

Faber laughs quietly at that.

Faber says "I will."

Jordan nods. He glances back at Daimonique uncertainly. "Are... are you ready?"

Daimonique says "I'm ready."

Faber smiles at Daimonique.

Jordan nods again, and slowly unfurls his wings, moving away from Faber enough to beat them and rise into the air, where he hovers, waiting for Daimonique.

Daimonique flashes Faber a sunny grin.

Daimonique then takes off into the air, after Jordan.

Faber brightens at the grin.

Faber waves after the two flying figures.

Jordan leads the way to the Spires, glancing back frequently at Daimonique.

The landscape of Heaven spreads itself beneath the two flying angels, Seraph and Lilim.

Daimonique flies, preoccupied.

Jordan just sneaks looks back at Daimonique, but does not try to start conversations.

Daimonique says "Hey."

Jordan drifts back to be more even with Daimonique's flight. "Yes?"

Daimonique says "Nothing. Just wondering what's up?"

Jordan ripple-blinks. He looks down at the ground. "By some standards, we are."

Daimonique says "Well, yeah. I can _see_ that. Taking sarcasm lessons from Pat?"

Daimonique flies around Jordan. "He's the master, you know."

Jordan tilts his head. "Not deliberately. Perhaps it is a Judgment trait I have not been accused of yet."

Jordan watches Daimonique's flight around him.

Daimonique peers at Jordan.

Jordan just watches back, all eyes unreadable.

Daimonique says "So what is on your mind?"

Jordan ripple-blinks again. "Many things."

Daimonique says "You wanna share?"

Jordan thinks a moment. "I am sorry that I upset you. I do not wish to."

Daimonique says "It's okay."

Jordan shakes his head. "It is not dissonant, but it is not just, either. It is not okay for me to do so. I do not wish to do so."

Daimonique says "Jordan, let it go."

Jordan droops his tail a little from flight-perfect poise. "I have difficulty doing that, I belive. I suppose it will pass, if you are not truly angry with me."

Daimonique says "I'm not angry."

Jordan smiles a bit. "That... helps."

Daimonique says "Sometimes, though, it's true. You do need a little tact. But we can work on that later."

Daimonique . o O ( Maybe. )

Jordan eyes Daimonique. "I have been told that I am very tactful for one of my kind."

Jordan soars, the lazy, effortless flight of hawks, wings outspread and not beating much.

Daimonique grins. "Well, then you should become the most tactful of your kind! You can be known as Jordan, the Cool and Schmoove."

Jordan quirks his left eyebrows. "Somehow, I think I am unlikely to accomplish that, ah, reputation."

Jordan says, "There are many Seraphim of Creation who are more likely to achieve that."

Daimonique says "You could if you tried, I bet."

Daimonique says "Yeah, but you would be the Cool Judge."

Jordan snorts mildly. "I am already occasionally accused of being lax, by my peers, from time to time. I do not think I would be suited to be more, ah, 'laid-back,' I believe the term is."

Daimonique says "Ah well. Can't say I didn't try."

Daimonique swoops.

Jordan watches Daimonique's swoop but does not follow.

Daimonique comes back to flying next to Jordan. "Well, it was fun."

Jordan tilts his head again. "It?"

Daimonique says "Life."

Daimonique says "Well, not really, it mostly sucked, but the last few hours were pretty good."

Jordan says, "I hope it will be fun in the future, too." His voice is puzzled.

Daimonique says "Geez, Jordan. I'm about to face a really angry Superior. I'm hoping to be recycled into something cool, though."

Jordan peers at Daimonique. "If you believe you are going to be destroyed, I believe you are mistaken."

Daimonique says "Dunno. I screwed up pretty badly."

Jordan says, "Besides walking into a Tether of Hell?"

Jordan can't keep all the disapproval out of his voice, alas.

Daimonique shrugs. "I almost got a ton of other people killed. Pat went into Hell twice. Usually, what happens, is that the Superior uses you for something else after something of this magnitude."

Jordan says, "Mazpatiel has already spoken to the Most Just about his actions. Twice, I believe. And you have not almost gotten a 'ton' of other people killed. That is a great deal of exaggeration."

Daimonique says "It's okay, Jordan. Look, I already made my peace with God. I'm cool with it."

Jordan looks at Daimonique again. "Do you truly fear destruction?" he asks, seriously.

<> Jordan rolls the d666 and gets 3 6 CHECK: 4.

Daimonique says "Doesn't everybody? Oh, you don't mean in general. Yeah, I'm pretty goddamn scared."

Daimonique says "But what happened was _my_ fault. I have to stand up and take the punishment for it."

Jordan just stares at Daimonique for a while.

Daimonique says "Someone has to take responsibility."

Jordan says, slowly, "Daimonique... If you were accused of sins great enough to warrant destruction -- I would not have been sent to fetch you alone. A full triad would have escorted you to your trial."

Daimonique says "Hmmm."

<> Jordan asks, with that truth-roll, if Dai *really* is that worried, or if Dai is fairly worried and wants reassurance.

<> Daimonique says "_Really_ worried."

Jordan says, carefully, "The Most Just would only do what is... *Just*. Do you think that what you did *deserves* destruction?"

Daimonique says "I have no idea."

Jordan shakes his head. "Truly, I do not think that your death is a likely result of this coming interview with Lord Dominic."

Daimonique says "We'll see. I don't know too many people who screwed up, talked to their Superior, and made it for dinner that night."

Jordan squints two-pair of his eyes at Daimonique. "Ah, those Superiors you mention -- they would be Demon Princes, no?"

Daimonique says "There's a distinct possibility."

Jordan continues, "And the Most Just -- whom you are going to speak with -- is a....?"

Daimonique says "An angel that does what he must."

Jordan corrects, "An Archangel."

Daimonique says "An Archangel."

Jordan continues, "Who, as much as we, his Servitors, *can*not punish unjustly."

Daimonique says "Who said it would be unjust?"

Jordan closes his left three eyes to squint at Dai with the right three. "Mazpatiel survived both interviews," he points out.

<> Pat says "Yeah! And I went to Hell on PURPOSE!"

Daimonique falls silent, then says, after a moment, "We'll see what happens."

Jordan rolls all his eyes. "Daimonique, you are the Servitor of another, though in service to Dominic. If there were a chance of your destruction, there would be a public trial, and you would have been escorted to it by a full triad, not one lone Seraph. Unless all that I know of Heaven and Judgment has suddenly changed -- a thing I think *highly* unlikely -- you are not going to be destroyed."

Daimonique says "I'll trust you, Jordan."

Jordan looks up at Daimonique. "Thank you," he says softly.

Daimonique grins a little at Jordan. "You're difficult not to trust."

Below, the Spires are in full view, classic and beautiful.

Jordan chuckles dryly. "There are some who have said otherwise, because of the Word that created me, which I serve." He angles towards one of the balconies.

Daimonique says "You don't lie, you're caring, and you could be cuddly if you tried. What isn't to trust?"

Jordan just smiles at Daimonique. "I serve the Word of Judgment. Some think that is enough to make me... less than trustworthy."

Daimonique says "Shall not the Judge of all the earth do Right? Genesis 18:25."

Jordan wobbles in his flight a little, blatantly not looking where he's going for a moment.

Jordan is just looking at Daimon with all six eyes.

Daimonique says "I think if God says it's so, then it's probably right."

The balcony below is clear and empty, a corridor leading from it into the Spires.

Jordan starts to say something, then realizes he's a bit closer to the Spires than is safe to be without looking where he's going. He attempts a dignified landing, with some small success.

Daimonique lands, with the guitar jangling away.

Jordan puts some feathers in order, rather like a ruffled cat.

The ivory and marble gleams with an innate order and structure.

Daimonique looks around. "It could use some paint, or maybe a throw."

Jordan chuckles. Then he says, quietly, "Daimonique -- if for no other reason than that you can understand what Judgment *must* be, I think your survival is assured."

Daimonique says "Or a small rug. 'You don't want caaaaaaaaahpetting, you want an AREA rug!'"

Jordan lifts eyebrows. "Hm." He gestures with one wing, into the depths of the Spires. "Shall we?"

Daimonique says "Sure. What the heck."

Jordan leads the way.

Daimonique follows, hands in pockets, and the guitar going *jangle* *jangle* *jangle*.

They make their way down through the corridors, passing other angels on the way, and come before long to the room where Saffron is dealing with a new batch of files. She glances up briskly.

Jordan goes up to Saffron. "I have found Daimonique."

Daimonique says "I have been found, apparently."

Saffron says, "Excellent. The Most Just will see him in five minutes. Do you want anything to read in the meantime?"

Jordan shrugs. "I have some material to work on with me." He flashes his note-crystal briefly. "Daimonique?"

Daimonique says "I'll be okay, Jordan."

Saffron nods.

Daimonique says "And, um, I think I can just wait 5 minutes."

Jordan tilts his head. "Do you wish me to wait for you, or shall I go to my offices, and await Faber now?"

Daimonique says "Whatever you feel most comfortable doing, Jordan."

Jordan looks non-comprehending at Daimonique. "I wish to do what will reassure you. Staying here and watching over your guitar, leaving..." He shrugs all six wings.

Daimonique says "I'm not leaving my guitar."

Jordan ripple-blinks, considers this a moment, then says, "Ah."

<> Jordan wouldn't have brought a guitar in to see his Archangel, but then, he's not a Creationer, and it probably won't annoy Dominic *too* much...

<> Daimonique just needs something nice and solid that can't fry little angels where they stand.

Daimonique says "Really, whatever you are most comfortable with, Jordan."

Jordan thinks. "Should I find Mazpatiel and tell it that you are here?"

Daimonique says "Sure. You do that."

Jordan nods, then pauses a moment. Finally, he brushes Daimonique's shoulder with a wingtip before turning and speeding off in a blur of feathers and scales.

Daimonique sighs, and contents herself with standing in the hallway, hands in pockets, staring at the floor until the appointed time.

Saffron glances after Jordan for a moment, then back to Daimon.

Saffron says, after a minute, "Please go in."

Daimonique says, "Thanks," weakly, and goes on in.

Inside is the same high-vaulted room as before. Dominic is swathed in his black cloak as he turns towards Daimonique, light flaring for a moment within its shadows like stars.

Daimonique . o O ( So make the best of this test, and don't ask why. It's not a question but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life. )

Daimonique isn't sure what the heck she's supposed to do, so she gets down on her knees to 'assume the position' as it were.

Dominic sings, "Daimonique, you may stand. Daimonique, Bright Lilim of Creation, Servitor of Judgement."

Daimonique stands. But the floor is awful good to look at.

Dominic sings, "Daimonique, it is said that sometimes we bring the punishment for our own folly upon ourselves. Know that I do not intend to destroy you."

Daimonique nods.

Dominic's cloak ripples, as the Seraph shifts position. "You blame yourself."

Daimonique says "It was, after all, my decision that started it all. I put three other angels in jeopardy."

Dominic sings, "Did they have free will to choose whether or not to accompany you?"

Daimonique looks up and squints at Dominic. "That is immaterial. It was my call what procedure we were going to follow that morning, it was my call to make the decision on what was or was not going to happen. When Chephirah, Sephar, and Oboth chose to follow me through my morning routine, they were automatically subject to my decisions, and it was my responsibility to make sure that not only was the job done, but their continued safety was observed. I flagrantly disregarded the last part, and I put them in direct jeopardy because of a personal matter I wanted to take care of. What follows afterwards is a direct result of my action, and anything afterwards is, by nature, my fault. I will not push the blame off onto someone else, nor will I allow it to be moved from my shoulders. Free will or no, if I'm making a call, then I'm making a call. Yes, I redeemed, and I lost my authority, but it doesn't mean I changed how I'm wired."

Daimonique says "I apologize. That sounds... really bad."

Dominic sings, slowly, his voice shading with distant horns, "Your responsibility is noted and admirable."

Dominic sings, "Your acceptance of your error is noted, and will be marked upon your record."

Daimonique nods slowly.

Daimonique . o O ( Record? )

Dominic's tone deepens. "It is my judgement that this acceptance of your own error, and the pains that you have undergone, on your behalf and in concern for your friends, mitigate it."

Dominic sings, "However, Daimonique, consider this. Would your friends not cry out against this assumption of responsibility for them? Would they not claim that they had the right to risk danger for you, as you would for them?"

Daimonique blinks once, then twice.

Daimonique says "They have that right. But I also feel the need to keep them from the darkness."

Dominic sings, "Indeed."

Dominic sings, "I do not deny you your Needs."

Dominic shifts position again, and for a moment there is again the single flash of light from within the darkness of his cloak.

Daimonique says "'Whoever fights the monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss long looks into you.' You know who said that? Nietzsche. I've become the monster. I won't allow it to happen to others."

Dominic's tone is dry, even through the music. "I too have read Nietzche."

Daimonique says "Of course, the Nazi's used Thus Spake Zarathrustra as a justification of their Aryan superiority, but we can't all win."

Dominic sings, "Daimonique," on a slow, lengthening chord.

Daimonique says "I apologize."

<> Liz says "Someone's babbling."

<> Daimonique says "Me? NEVER."

<> Daimonique says "I never babble."

Dominic sings, "Yes. You do."

<> Jo giggles

Dominic sings, "I have a penance, and a charge, and a mark to lay upon you."

Daimonique sighs, and just waits.

Dominic sings, "Your penance is that you shall go to each of those friends who you endangered, and speak to them of how you feel responsible for them. You shall then listen to their answers, and meditate upon them."

Dominic sings, "This is my judgement, and so I have spoken."

Daimonique nods.

Dominic sings, the note deepening, "My charge is that you shall return to your investigations in Washington, concerning the Servitors of Stone, and the stele, and any matters related."

Daimonique nods again. Well, that's to be expected.

Dominic's tone becomes a three-part chord. "Once before I had a Servitor who was of the ranks of the Redeemed Lilim. To her I gave a mark of Judgement, that she might better serve my Word. To you I give it now also."

For a moment the air of the room seems to tremble with the shock of sound, not heard, but felt in the bones and in the blood, trembling round and through Daimonique.

<> Demiurge says "And Daimonique gets the Bright Lilim of Dominic attunement."

<> Daimonique blinks.

Daimonique stands there looking --- well, confused, really.

Dominic sings, more softly, "You are in my service. Did you think that I would abandon you, Daimonique, or that you would be condemned unjustly?"

Daimonique just goes for the truth. "I don't know. I really don't know. My experiences are a very strange set, to say the least. I... we were left, and it's just been a very long couple of days."

Dominic sings, "Not everything can be done at once. You were not abandoned."

Daimonique nods, and stifles another oncoming babble.

Dominic sings, "Go now, and perform your penance. Walk in Justice."

Daimonique turns and leaves without saying anything else. She's got a pretty good idea that the next several statements on queue in her brain would not make anyone very happy.

Daimonique wanders, in a long, meandering, back staircase sort of way, to Pat's office.

Mazpatiel is in its office, writing a report of the /second/ trip to Hell. The report of the first trip is in the OUT box already.

Daimonique knocks on the door.

Mazpatiel says "Come in."

Daimonique opens Pat's door, and comes in. "Hi."

Mazpatiel looks up. "Hello, Daimonique."

Daimonique settles into a chair. "Hi Pat."

Mazpatiel says "How did it go?"

Daimonique says "I'm not sure yet."

<> Mazpatiel says "Any guilt, bub?"

<> Daimonique says "Oh, definitely."

Mazpatiel says "Not sure yet?"

Daimonique says "No. Ask me again in five minutes."

Mazpatiel nods. "Of course."

Daimonique falls silent and stares at Pat's desk. For about five minutes.

Mazpatiel pauses its writing. "How did it go?"

Daimonique says "Good and bad."

Mazpatiel nods.

Mazpatiel says "This is typical."

Daimonique says "I've been charged to do a penance."

Mazpatiel says "Entailing?"

Daimonique says "Explaining to Sephar, Hitherby and Sarah how I feel about responsibility."

Mazpatiel nods, looking across the desk at Daimonique. "Would you care to rehearse?"

<> Demiurge says "And then meditating on their comments, bub. :)"

<> Demiurge says "Actually, wasn't it "everyone you feel responsible for", or something like that?"

<> Daimonique says "Um, yeah, well, LET ME HAVE MY DELUSIONS!"

<> Daimonique says "Shoo. Go away. This is embarassing enough. :)"

<> Mazpatiel says "each of those friends you have endangered."

<> Daimonique makes alot of phone calls to some very strange people.

<> Chephirah says "Hey, Daimon, does that mean you have to go talk to Terry again? :)"

<> Daimonique says "Yup."

Daimonique says "I, um."

Daimonique says "It felt okay shooting off my mouth at the time. Now I just feel stupid."

Mazpatiel says "Pardon?"

Daimonique says "The idea is that I track down everyone that I feel personally responsible for and explain to them why and listen to their comments and, well, meditate on them."

Daimonique says "And because this is usually very private, I feel really stupid, and I'm destined to feel much stupider in the near future."

Mazpatiel says "I believe it will lead to a much greater understanding of your place in the Symphony, though."

Daimonique says "I think my place is that I'm a stupid kid, and now I get to learn just how stupid."

Daimonique says "The lesson here is to say 'yes sir' and not what I'm thinking."

Mazpatiel says "No, it's not."

Mazpatiel says "Saying 'yes sir' will earn you no understanding."

Daimonique says "But it will keep me out of hot water."

Mazpatiel says "I never had you figured for the placid type."

Daimonique says "There was a time.... but anyway, now, no, not really."

Mazpatiel nods. "Jordan asked me why you were upset, in the Halls. I pointed out the fact that you had, rather brutally, been reminded of the change in your existence these last weeks."

Daimonique says "I take it you're going to make me talk about that no matter how badly I don't want to."

Mazpatiel says "No, actually."

Mazpatiel says "I would like you to listen, but you don't have to talk."

Daimonique nods. "I can listen. I don't want to talk about It, though."

Mazpatiel nods. "Of course."

Daimonique settles in to listen.

Mazpatiel says "You are in a position to remake yourself, Daimonique. It is not an option you can take or leave, but something you must do. Your leeway, your will, come into play only when determining what you become. I believe that when Dominic set his penance upon you, his intention was not to punish you for speaking your mind, but rather to give you the means and the motive to understand the place you are at, and to use that knowledge to determine what you wish to be."

Daimonique nods, but isn't in a mood to comment.

Daimonique idly kicks a leg of Pat's desk.

Mazpatiel interlaces its fingers on the desk, watching Daimonique as it continues to speak. "We are all in a position of immutable history, Daimonique. We are changed by the world we have lived in, just as the world we live in is changed by us. Some attempt to see beyond this, to step aside of the ego in order to determine the true lines of cause and effect. Others take the opposite path, and immerse themselves in the /experience/, becoming close to solipsists in their reliance on their own perceptions. You are the latter type of being, Daimonique. No number of words, from Dominic, from me, from God Himself, could do as much to convince you of your worth and your purpose as you could, simply by experiencing it for yourself."

Daimonique looks up and blinks at Pat.

Mazpatiel quiets.

Daimonique says "You're likely right."

Mazpatiel says "I try to be."

Daimonique says "I don't have a really huge sense of self-worth."

Mazpatiel says "I know."

Daimonique says "There are reasons for it."

Mazpatiel shakes its head. "There were reasons for it."

Daimonique says "It's very hard to overcome my entire life and the sum of my experiences. I feel out of joint."

Mazpatiel says "That seems reasonable. You are out of joint."

Daimonique hmmms. "Let's talk about one incident that's currently plaguing me as an example, okay?"

Mazpatiel says "If you'd like."

Daimonique says "When we came up, in my room, Jordan tells me - as if it's a good thing - that Terry's role is basically destroyed. Right? This ought to be a good thing."

Mazpatiel says "It's a standard tactic."

Daimonique says "Unfortunately, Terry has other clients then myself. Human clients. Clients through which talk to the agency he works for out in LA. Demon or no, you've just ruined dozens of human lives, as now their agent is discredited and _maybe_ they'll ever work again."

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique says "I have a portfolio, and yes, I will be going back to my chosen profession eventually, if people like it or not. It's a soul thing, I cannot live without it forever. But in the mean time, there are broken lives, people who will soon be out of work, fallout from such."

Mazpatiel says "There is always fallout."

Daimonique says "So let's say they decide to come after the agency that he works for, okay?"

Mazpatiel says "They?"

Daimonique says "The FBI. The human based police. And, well, okay. It's a big pinnacle of Media. And no, I'm not telling you which one it is. You all can research it for yourselves. But you have real, normal people who work there, in large amounts. If the doors are closed, not only do the clients lose their livelihoods, so do all these other people."

Daimonique says "And there, hopefully, the fallout ends."

Daimonique says "And I have to ask myself - all these humans, was it worth it for one goddamn Balseraph who thought he was doing a good thing?"

Mazpatiel says "I sincerely doubt that anyone beyond Teraphim was targeted. I am unsure of the specifics, though."

Daimonique says "The funny thing is, Terry will come out of it only slightly worse for wear."

Mazpatiel says "Quite possibly. But he will be aware of our displeasure."

Daimonique says "It doesn't matter. The point is... is that I have no point. I'm just left wondering if we're here for ourselves, the demons, or the humans. Someone needs to clarify this for me, because I keep thinking it's the people who are important, and I think I'm wrong."

Mazpatiel says "Ultimately, it's the people."

Daimonique says "In the mean time, the humans are immaterial."

Mazpatiel says "Nothing is immaterial. It's all a matter of perspective."

Daimonique says "My perspective is that I cannot accept that we aren't there for the people. But I'm very likely wired incorrectly, and I've only been in Heaven for a week, so what the hell do I know."

Mazpatiel says "We are there for the people, Daimonique. We are there for /all/ the people. Humanity as a whole."

Daimonique says "I have trouble with what happened because it was an attack on one individual which will affect dozens of lives simply because angels were pissed off."

Mazpatiel says "We move within humanity to disguise our actions. We pay the price in ties we forge as part of it."

Daimonique says "Sometimes, I wonder, though, if all celestials simply do more harm then good."

Mazpatiel says "Than if there had never been any involvement? Definitely."

Daimonique says "I think the more I know, the less I understand."

Mazpatiel says "That's normally the case. You can always claim ineffability as a defense."

Daimonique says "I don't think it's _all_ ineffable. Just the acts of God, Himself. Everything else has an explaination, but I simply don't know."

Daimonique says "This whole thing makes me feel, I dunno, very young."

Mazpatiel smiles slightly. "It can be argued that the entire Symphony is an act of God. But yes, I can see where one would feel young. Most of the time, it's more trouble to attempt to know what's going on, as opposed to simply doing what one is supposed to do."

Daimonique says "I've done what I was supposed to do my whole life. It hasn't always made me particularly happy."

Mazpatiel says "No."

Mazpatiel says "You've done what you were told to do."

Daimonique says "That too."

Mazpatiel says "There is a difference."

Daimonique says "It was always another job, another contract - business. I dunno. That was then, this is now, now is different, and I don't want to think about then anymore. And in the now, I'm just as confused as I ever have been, and probably worse."

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique says "As a normal Lilim, I'm rather old, to have lived so long. Most of my Sisters die young, and violently. As an angel, I feel like a little kid, and I don't know anything at all."

Daimonique says "So it comes back to feeling out of joint."

Mazpatiel says "You aren't sure where your place is."

Daimonique says "No. I don't know my place. I just wander along and hope for the best."

Mazpatiel says "You should find it."

Daimonique says "I feel, sometimes, like I'm trapped somewhere between Heaven and Hell, and both side is tugging and tugging and tugging and one day my arms will pop out of my shoulders, then rip off my body, and in a spray of blood I'll fall to Earth."

Mazpatiel says "You believe in free will."

Daimonique says "I believe that we all make our own choices."

Mazpatiel says "Have you made one yet?"

Daimonique says "Between Heaven and Hell?"

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique says "I can't ever go back, Pat. I'd rather die."

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique says "And I'm terrified of death, so that says something."

Mazpatiel says "Then it sounds like you've made a choice."

Daimonique says "Hell is so.... sad. It's so sad and lonely and empty."

Mazpatiel says "I know."

Mazpatiel looks momentarily unsettled.

Daimonique says "And everyone is working so hard all the time to forget exactly how sad and lonely they really are."

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique says "It's a terrible life to go back to. The lure of ranking and attunements and power? It's all just hollow. What good is power in a place where everyone is essentially powerless?"

Mazpatiel nods. "Desperation and greed."

Daimonique stares down at Pat's desk. "But people I love very much are there, and it hurts me terribly, because I cannot save them."

Mazpatiel says "You can tell them what happened to you."

Mazpatiel says "But no, you can't save them."

Daimonique says "I don't think they'll listen, but I'm determined to try anyway."

Mazpatiel nods.

Mazpatiel says "We have, ultimately, only one tool available to us, Daimonique."

Daimonique says "I only know of God."

Mazpatiel says "I was going to say Truth, but the two are synonymous."

Daimonique says "I want to save them, but at the same time, sometimes, I don't feel like I belong.... here."

Mazpatiel says "You do."

Daimonique says "My head is still filled with things that I cannot BE - I am Lilim, I embody Freedom, but I will never be Free; I am Lilim, I will never hold my Freedom and a Word, or my Freedom and a place of authority, or my Freedom and the ability to have a child. Or my Freedom and my Free Will. Least of all, I am Lilim, I will never be Bright. Yet I am. And part of me feels that this is an aberration, something that shouldn't ever be, and shouldn't have ever come to pass. And I'm alone. There are no others like me, none that I have seen, and all I want to be is normal. Dumb, but normal."

Mazpatiel says "If you were to see a Malakite in the service of a Prince, what would you think?"

Daimonique says "I'd be disturbed. That's a horrible thought."

Mazpatiel says "Why, though?"

Mazpatiel says "Because something that shouldn't have happened did, and it represents a marked victory on behalf of Hell?"

Daimonique says "Because Malakim, if they are anything, are _good_. They are here because there is a horror out there and it is their job to stop it so we can all go about doing our jobs and the humans can go about living their lives in the most amount of happiness they can attain without meddling. It would be an unimaginable horror."

Mazpatiel nods. "You are the converse of that."

Daimonique says "I don't want to be a horror, though. I just want to be me."

Mazpatiel says "I said the converse, Daimonique."

Mazpatiel says "If a Malakite in Hell represents unimaginable horror, what of a Lilim in Heaven?"

Daimonique says "Lonely."

Mazpatiel says "I was speaking in a more metaphysical sense."

Daimonique says "I suppose, to a Prince, I'm a symbol of what they stand to lose. That even those that cannot be redeemed - have."

Daimonique says "It's a fundamental blow to their illusion."

Mazpatiel nods.

Mazpatiel says "The truth. And no lie, even Lucifer's, can stand in the face of the truth."

Daimonique says "I show that even those who are born there, who are lost to the light of Heaven by caveat of birth, can be redeemed. Redeemed from WHAT is a good question, but redeemed nonetheless."

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique says "Redemption implies an earlier Fall."

Mazpatiel says "To an extent."

Daimonique hrms.

Mazpatiel says "We can find any of your sisters here."

Daimonique says "Maybe if I met some, I wouldn't feel like such a freak any more."

Mazpatiel nods. "We'll do that, then."

Daimonique says "It's much harder then I ever dreamed, Pat. And the physical act of redemption was nothing. It was a nit. It was a drugged haze. When I was in that... place.... they believed that it was easy. All an Archangel had to do was tell them that they were redeemed and all the pain went away. I tried to say that it had just begun, but they didn't listen. There was nothing to listen _to_. The illusion is so much prettier then the facts."

Mazpatiel says "That's the lure of it. The desire to /believe/ in something, to believe in something that appeals. I walked through Shal-Mari briefly, Daimonique. And I could see in every alley and every booth exactly what the unfortunate majority of humankind would consider to be paradise."

Daimonique says "Although, in Shal-Mari, it never, ever rains."

Mazpatiel says "I wasn't there long enough to notice."

Daimonique says "I've come to the realization that rain is essential to happiness. But in very strange, convoluted ways."

Mazpatiel nods. "Quite possibly."

Daimonique says "I remember a time of - not happiness, I've had few moments of real happiness - but contentment. I'm living in New York, before I lived in LA, and I'm laying on the couch in my living room, and I'm trying to work on some script or another, but I can't, because I have a mental block. I'm not feeling particularly Funny, for once I just don't really care. So I'm laying on the couch in my living room, and it starts to rain, and the lights are off. All I can hear is the pattering of drops against the glass of the window, my eyes are closed and I'm alone, and for a moment, everything seemed okay. Outside, all the muck is being washed away, down the drain, into oblivion to make everything smell fresh and new. And then I'm thinking, in another universe, in another life entirely, in Shal-Mari, it never rains."

Daimonique says "Pretty profound for a confused demon."

Mazpatiel says "Profundity is not an exclusive commodity."

Daimonique says "So years later, I'm sitting on Jaakobah's porch, as he's living outside of Chicago in the suburbs, and it starts to rain. I'm sitting on this old wicker chair, rocking back and forth, and I'm staring at the sky, laughing, and he comes out, and he says, "You crazy ass Lilim, what're you up to?" And I say, "I'm getting clean.""

Daimonique says "He announced he didn't get the joke."

Mazpatiel says "Baptism."

Daimonique says "I just wanted to be clean."

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique says "Mostly, though, I just got wet."

Daimonique ponders this.

Mazpatiel waits quietly, neutrally.

<> Mazpatiel says "Silently gloating, of course."

<> Daimonique says "Of course. :)"

<> Mazpatiel grins.

Daimonique says "Hell has a corner on the market on Illusions. I only know that I'm confused, and someday in the distant future, I will not be confused any more."

Mazpatiel says "I don't think it needs to be so distant. And I believe Dominic doesn't think so either."

Daimonique says "I don't know how keen I am on forced enlightenment. Luckily, I was not given an upper time limit to this, either."

Mazpatiel nods.

Mazpatiel says "You were given a direction, Daimonique. And, frankly, I think that's what you need most right now."

Daimonique says "I don't know what I need."

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique says "My life is over; my life is just beginning. I'm an old, tired Lilim; I'm a young angel who doesn't know which way is up and is struggling to just not screw up so badly that people get killed - and I came close this last time. My head is full of memories, and there's a big hole in my soul where my existance used to be, and it's not filled up with anything yet. So I feel like I'm just spinning in space, free falling, and wondering what is going to happen next."

Mazpatiel says "You think too much."

Daimonique says "I've been told that."

Mazpatiel says "It's true. You have a direction, Daimonique. Take it. Meditate /after/, not before."

Daimonique sighs. "Sorry."

Mazpatiel says "There's no reason to apologize."

Daimonique says "It's likely best that I just take the direction I've been given and run with it. And not to think. And just do."

Mazpatiel nods. "Think later."

Daimonique says "I'll try to stop."

Daimonique ponders, then says, "I don't know anything anymore."

Mazpatiel says "That's not true."

Daimonique says "Sure it is. What I knew before was nothing but lies and a collection of facts that would do no better then allow me to come in runner up on Jeopardy. When I go back to Earth, there will be a job to do, at the same time I'm like this little messed up kid."

Daimonique says "I dunno. Maybe I should get out of your hair. Maybe I should go for a walk."

Mazpatiel says "I don't have any hair, Daimonique."

Daimonique says "Erm."

Daimonique blinks.

Daimonique says "You're right. You don't."

Daimonique says "You're as bald as a cue ball. You're even shiny."

Mazpatiel nods. "Indeed. So, if you'd like to take a walk, that's fine. But you're not troubling me by talking."

Daimonique says "You sure?"

Mazpatiel says "I'm sure."

Daimonique says "I do babble. I know."

Mazpatiel says "I don't mind."

Daimonique says "When are we getting back to work? Going back to Earth?"

Mazpatiel says "As soon as we figure out what the next step is."

Daimonique says "I dunno if I'm ready yet."

Mazpatiel nods. "I think we can take some time. I don't know of anything urgent."

Daimonique says "We're supposed to continue our investigations revolving around the Servitors of Stone. But I just.... I just don't think I'm ready to go back to work yet. I will, as soon as it's necessary, the very instant that it's needed, though. Even if that moment is right now."

Mazpatiel says "Everyone is back in Heaven now, yes?"

Daimonique nods. "Yep."

Mazpatiel nods. "We can send word, then. Dominic saw fit to...increase my ability to coordinate with others."

<> Chephirah says "Mazpatiel makes another bid for the Word of Understatement."

Daimonique says "Psychic Dominican Network?"

Mazpatiel says "Celestial Tongues."

Mazpatiel says "I haven't had need of it before now."

Daimonique says "Ah. Well, aren't you just the Man, now?"

Mazpatiel chuckles drily. "Hardly."

Daimonique says "And you know what they say. Stick it to the Man! Or on the Man. I was never sure."

Mazpatiel says "Er. Something like that."

<> Mazpatiel says "Slang...phrases...search...memory...confused...."

Daimonique says "So we can spend some time here, then?"

Mazpatiel says "I think so, yes. I'd like to contact the others at the very least."

Mazpatiel says "And you have penance to do."

Daimonique sighs.

Daimonique says "Yes, I do."

Mazpatiel says "It has a purpose, Daimonique. Meaningless punishment is not our way."

Daimonique says "I know, I know."

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique says "And it _will_ be done."

Daimonique says "And I'll explain to everyone why I feel so goddamn insecure."

Mazpatiel says "And they'll want to talk about it with you."

Daimonique says "I just hope it's not too embarrassing."

Mazpatiel says "It likely will be."

Mazpatiel says "You're asking people for open honesty."

Daimonique says "And I'm going to get it, too."

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique sighs. "I just want to crawl under a rock."

Mazpatiel says "Why?"

Daimonique says "Because on top of being depressed, now I get to be embarassed and mortified."

Mazpatiel says "And you get to learn from it"

Daimonique says "One of these days, I'll get to do what I want, which is just lay out in the sun on a swinging chair on a porch somewhere for a few hours."

Mazpatiel nods. "Sounds like a worthwhile goal."

Daimonique sighs. "Punishment." Sighs again.

Mazpatiel says "Hm?"

Daimonique says "It just blows, that's all."

Mazpatiel says "That way you remember it."

Daimonique says "I suppose I will, won't I."

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique says "Man, my life is such a tangled mess. Fortunately, it's pretty much rubbing against the bottom. It can get worse, obviously, but it would have to get violently worse. It really can only get better."

Mazpatiel says "And you're in the position to make it so."

Daimonique says "One day, in the future, I might actually be happy. Oh, not today. I'm pretty miserable right now. But someday, who knows."

Mazpatiel says "It's a matter of not letting it hamper you."

Daimonique says "I wonder if, down in the Bazaar, if they sell cans of Angst-Away."

Mazpatiel says "Probably."

Daimonique says "It's probably a Mercurian who gives backrubs. I'm not allowed to have the real Angst Away."

Mazpatiel says "Pardon?"

Daimonique blinks.

Daimonique says "I can't fill myself full of anything that causes severe happiness via the use of pharmaceuticals."

Mazpatiel says "Ah. Well, yes."

Mazpatiel says "Not here, at any rate."

Daimonique says "Not anywhere. No narcotics. Well, pot, but that doesn't really count."

Mazpatiel says "I meant in heaven. Chemical happiness is not very truthful."

Daimonique says "I think I'll take the backrub, though."

Mazpatiel says "Much easier to find."

Daimonique says "And healthier. And has less calories and less the fat!"

Mazpatiel nods. "And no hangover."

Daimonique says "Unless you take said Backrubber home with you. Then in the morning, you might have a few pulled muscles."

Mazpatiel says "Hm. True."

Mazpatiel pauses.

Mazpatiel says "The host."

Daimonique says "Huh?"

Mazpatiel says "Oboth's last host. I left him in the aparment."

Daimonique blinks.

Daimonique says "Well, good thing that the money will come through for the new place on Friday."

Mazpatiel says "Well, yes. But I should probably go check."

Daimonique says "There will be no food left. I should have left him leftovers."

Mazpatiel says "Well, it depends on how long it's been. I was hoping he didn't get into my guns."

Daimonique says "Oh."

Daimonique says "Er, oops."

Mazpatiel nods.

Daimonique says "Um, well. There goes the neighborhood, so to speak."

Mazpatiel says "I should check."

Daimonique says "That would be a plan, yeah."

Mazpatiel says "Or at the very least, have someone check."

Daimonique nods.

---

Fiat Justitia