There's Backwards and there's . . .

BurkeWords

Tuesday, January 13, 1998

Updating last week's Boy Scouts story:

There was a footnote to last week's story about the lawsuit before the California Supreme Court that added that another lawsuit, one allowing girls in the Boy Scouts, was under review.

Last Wednesday evening, I had the pleasure (or was it a misfortune?) to hear the attorney arguing the case, Ms. Gloria Allred, interviewed on WABC radio in New York. She took several calls as well. In the end, I can only say one thing:

The lady is losing it!

Allred had problems controlling herself and her temper, becoming quite shrill at times, while responding to caller's inquiries. If this is the best she can do, I pity her client when attorneys present their side of the case instead of radio talk-show listeners.

In moments of lucidity, Allred managed to malign the Girl Scouts and basically call for their fading to oblivion, while maintaining that allowing girls in the Boy Scouts would change absolutely nothing except the gender requirement.

Among the callers who protested were a Girl Scout troop leader and a retired female New York City policewoman.

The former had a bone to pick with Allred's casual disregard for the Girl Scouts. Allred protested, calling them a fine organization, but not in the league of the Boy Scouts, and failed to realize that, if she listened to and followed her own arguments, that organization would disappear, to be replaced by a single-gender "Scouting" program. ("Like they have in other countries.")

The policewoman called to inform Ms. Allred that when women were finally accepted in the NYPD, you bet your butt things changed! There is no way Allred could justify otherwise; in fact, she didn't even try.

I wonder, though, about those mixed-gender camping trips. Do the girls get their own tents? Or is that separate-and-not-equal segregation? The U.S. Army is considering re-segregating the sexes, but the feminists want no part of that. Why, that would be "rolling back the clock!"

Are parents going to go for this arrangement? Tough! Ms. Allred says like it or leave it. Of course, she won't follow that advice.

One of the highlights of the hour was when a caller suggested that any group -- and there are three filing lawsuits -- that wants to get into scouts start their own organization. Let them have their own "Girl Scouts", "Agnostic Scouts", "Gay Scouts", and "Freak Scouts" . . .

That did it. Allred blew a gasket. Instead of dismissing this guy as some sort of moron, she went on and on with "How dare you call women 'Freaks'? You got a lot of nerve..." etc.

Gloria, it was another example. He didn't call girls "freaks". He didn't call them all "gay" either (which he did by your logic).

But my personal highlight -- the one that had me screaming at the radio -- was when Ms. Allred displayed her total ignorance for the Scouting program. She referred to a survey of employers done in California and discovered that being an Eagle Scout was a big plus in hiring. However, few employers had ever heard of the equivalent in the Girl Scouts. Therefore, because of the unfairness to girls in future employment, it is illegal, in her reasoning, to keep girls out of the Eagle Scout Program based on their sex.

She added that her client wanted to get into the Eagle Scout Program.

The only problem with that is: there is NO Eagle Scout Program. There is a rank called Eagle Scout, and it is the highest rank a scout can achieve. Further, the point may be moot as far as Ms. Allred's client is concerned. Depending upon her age now, she may never make it to that rank -- there are time requirements for each rank in scouting, and she may not have the time to make it there before her 18th birthday.

(Note: I will freely state that that last statement is supposition on my part. I have no idea how old the girl in question is, nor how long this suit has been going on.)

If anyone out there was associated with the Girl Scouts, I'd like to hear from you. What do you think about this?

Personally, I think the solution to Allred's client's problem is to make the Girl Scouts better known. Get the corporate sponsorships that the Boy Scouts get. Go after those big donors and benefactors. Get the magazines to write about the troops. Make the Girl Scouts known for their girls and their scouting and not for their cookies.

For those of you unfamiliar with Ms. Gloria Allred's career, her recent cases included Marv Albert's accuser and the actress that sued Melrose Place producers for dumping her when she got pregnant. No word on whether she was impregnated while on a co-ed camping trip.

Had he been working for a Republican, Ira Magaziner would have been out on his keister a long time ago, and the press would have demanded it. Instead, he's still there and the press doesn't care. But that's not the end of the double standard.

Guess who's paying his fine?

The taxpayers!

That's right. After all the complaints about how Gingrich would pay off his $300,000 repayment, the press is mysteriously silent, or at the least, devoid of any outrage, over this administration's plans to sock the taxpayers with this fine. (And, unlike Newt's, this penalty really is a fine, levelled by a judge.)

In case you were sleeping in a closet a year ago, Newt was ordered to repay the ethics committee to the tune of $300,000. The ethics committee made no recommendation as to where this money should come from. Gingrich-bashers across the country hollered "Foul!" at any attempt to pay it off with campaign money, even though, privately, a number of Congressional Democrats thought that it would be okay. That's because, privately, they realized that if the Speaker of the House could be hit with a $300,000 fine, then any one of them could be hit, too!

But the story didn't end there. Gingrich went to Bob Dole for a loan, and everyone screamed "Sweetheart deal!" Frankly, I don't see what's such a sweetheart deal about paying minimal interest now and a balloon payment of $300,000 due in ten years. He's still has to pay that money back, but he'd prefer to do it when he retires from Congress and can collect speaking fees.

Maybe the folks on the other side would rather that the Speaker dip into his retirement funds and leave him unable to retire -- so that he'll hang around in Congress a little longer.

In the end, Gingrich is only borrowing half from Dole and paying the other half himself.

Magaziner, however, prefers not to pay anything.

It's fun to make fun of Republicans when a sitting Supreme Court Chief Justice complains that there aren't enough judges, but that ignores the larger issue. The main reason there are so many vacancies is because Bill Clinton keeps nominating unqualified candidates.

The Wall Street Journal recently detailed one judge awaiting confirmation for the federal bench in eastern Pennsylvania. Reportedly, she's got what my mother would call a "sewer mouth", and she doesn't even try to act with the least bit of decorum nor uphold the dignity of the bench.

But that's not the worst of it regarding Tough-on-Crime Clinton's nominee. Simply put, Frederica Massiah-Jackson isn't. She holds police and prosecutors in contempt, and defense attorneys routinely waive their clients' right to a jury trial, prefering instead for Massiah-Jackson to render her own verdict. Her own, it is.

But there is one outrage that surpasses all about this poor excuse for a justice: she was almost confirmed!

And the behest of Sen. Arlen Specter, Sen. Orrin Hatch pushed this confirmation through. It would have gone to the floor for a voice vote if it hadn't been stopped by Senators Jeff Sessions and Strom Thurmond. Let's all be thankful that there are a couple of saner heads out there.

Okay, I've seen advertisements for some pretty strange things, but this is the looniest that I've seen in a while. It's a tray that snaps onto your steering wheel so you can eat in your car. The main picture shows it holding a fast-food meal of burger, fries and drink, and a smaller picture shows how it can also hold a cellular phone and a notepad.

If you want one, you better track one down soon. (No, I'm not giving them free advertising.) Why? Because the lawsuits will be coming Real Soon Now. Which do you think will happen first? Will someone get into an accident because they're eating while they're driving? Or will they make a sharp turn and dump steaming-hot coffee into their laps? (We now what that one is worth!)

Maybe someone won't swerve to avoid a dog because they're afraid to spill their fries and get ketchup all over the floor mats.

I've read the ad three times. Not once does it mention: Warning: Do not use while car is in motion.

By the way, the tray is the product of a company in California. Yet another reason to avoid the highways there.

And this one is a strange one. I'm not sure if it's a put on or not. For that matter, I'm not sure that it's addressed to me because I've gotten mail intended for the President in the past -- I guess the authors thought I had some connection with him.

To: cjburke@io.com
From: lindaewagner@<deleted>
Date: 01/10/98 01:35:46 PM
Subject:

Hello, we here think you are stupid. My mama told me you sabostaged the election. Is that true, Mr (former) president Farthead? Leave the government alone. Go back to Jamaca where you came from, you hoser. YOU SMELL REALLY, REALLY BAD!

Love, your adoring fans, the kids, not the adult.

I have no other comments about this one, I think it speaks for itself.