Now in its FIFTH year!
That's my number of hits,
not the sign over Bill Clinton's bedroom!
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President Herbert Hoover |
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Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. |
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President Bill Clinton |
"First he came for the smokers,
but I didn't care because I don't smoke.
Next he came for the gun-owners
but I didn't care because I don't own a gun . . . "
Who will be left to care when he comes for you?
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according to Long Island Newsday, 9/14/97 |
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Cincinnati Post, 2/2/98 |
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Enter Stage Right Site of the Day Award
Featured in Netguide!
Panned by that notable pinko rag, Long Island
Newsday by a Salon writer (lefter?).
(Check out my older news
page.)
This page was hit over 350,000 times prior to May 11, 1998,
when I started using
WebSideStory, Inc. to independently track hits to this page.
Feedback!
I thrive on feedback. Send all comments, criticisms and threats to: cjburke@io.com. Thanks.
What's New:
Quotes:
"They are going against the Constitution of the U.S. I've got to recuse myself. I can't in good conscience go forward when I feel everything within me says it's against the (U.S.) Constitution."
Leon County Circuit Court Judge N. Sanders Sauls, on why he recused himself, and feeling vindicated by the Supreme Court, 12/12/00"I've been a citizen most of my life . . . "
Hillary ClintonToday, 11/28/00
Check out other featured quotes from the past.
Today's Joke ( January 19, 2001 ):
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
FINAL WEEK: The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow!
Wednesday, January 17, 2001
The sun'll come out tomorrow.
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, we'll have Bush.
Just thinking about tomorrow, clearing out the Clinton without sorrow,
Just one big push.
We've been stuck with a prez who's low and sleezy
With W's win, we begin our day
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
We'll love it, tomorrow
To live in the U.S.A!
[C. J. Burke]
The Proliferation Presidency
The Promiscuous Presidency
The Philandering Presidency
The Purjury Presidency
The Finger Wagging Presidency
The Slick Presidency
The Impeachable Presidency
The Stained Presidency
The Crooked Presidency
The Bent Presidency
The Search for a Legacy Presidency
The Most Offensive Man to Hold the Office Presidency
Whatever will history pick?
[C. J. Burke]
After hearing Clinton's "farewell" address, I selected this song just for him:
"Little Willy, Willy won't go home.
But you can't push Willy 'round, Willy won't go.
Try telling everybody, but no go
Little Willy, Willy won't go home!"
Oddly, I can't find where I originally published this, but I know that I did:
(sung to the tune of MacArthur Park):
"Someone left Bill Clinton in the rain.
And I don't think he can make it,
'Cause I know that he can't take it,
That he'll never be the president again! Oh, no!!"
(...or "Oh, yeah!" really)
[C. J. Burke]
For those of you that listen to the New York Yankees games on the Internet, via WABC radio in New York, allow me to paraphrase their announcers:
"He's gone off-track! He's off-the-wall!
See ya! Run home, Bill Clinton!"
Thank you to all my fans, both the newcomers and those that have been with me since the Summer of 96! I don't know what I'll be doing next, but these jokes won't go away any time soon, because we all know that Bill Clinton won't go away any time soon.
Four years ago, I had hoped to get 1996 hits by Election Day -- I had them by August. In January 1998, I considered closing up shop -- and then I got 100,000 hits in a single week (more like a weekend!) and I had to temporarily pull my page. I never dreamed that I'd see two million hits during this run.
It's been fun. But now I need a rest.
Thank you all.
Wednesday, January 17, 2001
A cancerous lesion was removed from Impeached President Clinton's back. He'll be okay. Doctors say it was caused by exposure.
Which begs the question: then why was the legion on his back???
[C. J. Burke]
Impeached President Clinton claims that the Republicans tried to stop the voting in Florida. Perhaps he's confusing that why when he used FBI folders to stop the voting in his own impeachment trial.
[C. J. Burke]
Democrats such as Chuck Schumer, Ted Kennedy and Barbara Boxer are panning former Sen. Ashcroft as out of the mainstream.
Chuck Schumer is as far from the mainstream as the Atlantic is from the Mississippi.
Barbara Boxer is so far away, she couldn't spot the maintream with the best telescope in New Mexico.
And Ted Kennedy claims that Ashcroft dragged his feet on civil rights -- like the way Teddy drags his feet after a three-finger breakfast.
[C. J. Burke]
Tuesday, January 16, 2001
One of the most annoying things that can happen on the way home from work happened yesterday. I sat in gum left on a bus seat.
Luckily, a colleague suggested the Bill Clinton Solution.
I said, you're crazy! I'm not taking off my pants on a crowded bus! (even if there were a few cute and barely-legal-aged young ladies on the bus)
That wasn't what he meant. What he meant to say was:
"You should put some ice on that."
[C. J. Burke]
Have you seen the new Clinton Highway in Arkansas?
It's a little crooked and it has a yellow streak down the center.
Be careful if you drive along it, it's a little slick.
[Robert Gwin]
And women are asked to ride it in convertibles with their tops off.
[C. J. Burke]
Democrats and left-wingers are worried that a man of deep personal convictions such as John Ashcroft won't enforce laws that he personally disagrees with despite any pledge of honor that he will uphold the duties of his office.
Apparently, the liberals are worried that since a Democrat like Janet Reno refused to enforce the laws of the country so freely that Republicans must be the same way.
[C. J. Burke]
Ashcroft should promise that he won't turn Waco, Texas into
Corpus Crispy.
[C. J. Burke]
Bill Clinton spoke to a group of blacks yesterday and said that they've come from in their civil rights struggle but then ticked off some the ways that they still have far to go.
Gee, it's a shame that Bill doesn't have something like, EIGHT YEARS AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES to deal with some of those issues
[C. J. Burke]
Monday, January 15, 2001
Remember to judge people today by the content of their character . . .
Oh! Wait a minute!
"Character doesn't matter!"
Well, this page has always judge Bill Clinton, Hillary
Clinton, Al Gore, et al, on the content of their character --
And their character STINKS!
And God Bless!
Many longtime staffers in the White House are getting together to have a Going Away Party in Clinton's honor. They're having it next Monday . . .
[C. J. Burke]
. . . but the Secret Service won't be attending. After years of
being that close, they know that Clinton will never go away.
[C. J. Burke]
Hillary Clinton's last words upon leaving the White House?
"I'll be back."
[C. J. Burke]
And I bet she can do a flawless Eastern European accent, too.
[C. J. Burke]
It seems that another Bush nominee is in trouble -- he's been discovered having links to a tobacco lobbyist.
Apparently, he had lunch one day with Al Gore.
[C. J. Burke]
A coworker walked up to Gore. "Last week," he said somberly.
Puzzled, Gore pulled out his calendar. "What happened last week?"
[C. J. Burke]
Wednesday, January 10, 2001
Eight years ago, Bill Clinton came to Washington along
with a cutey-pooty, itty-bitty kitty, lovable ol' Socks
the cat. Now that he's leaving, he's decided not to take
his cat with him. I guess even Bill Clinton can get too
much pussy
cat.
[C. J. Burke]
Arbitrator Bill Clinton told the two sides in the Israel/Palestine peace talks that this is their final chance.
Final chance to give Clinton a Nobel Peace Prize, that is, and a chance at a legacy other than "I -- did -- NOT -- have -- sexual -- relations . . . "
[C. J. Burke]
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton is proud to be a member of the U.S. Senate. So much so that she's already skipped her first vote.
Friday, January 5, 2001
Petitions are circulating to ask President-elect George W. Bush
to immediately reverse all of Bill Clinton's "stroke-of-the-pen,
law-of-the-land" executive orders.
Clinton is one-step ahead of them -- he's already reversed
one of his own: the one preventing his former coworkers
from cashing in as lobbyists.
Not that he's cashing in, he just realized that he's made maybe
one little mistake over the last eight years.
[C. J. Burke]
Thursday, January 4, 2001
Yesterday, Hillary Clinton was sworn in as a U.S. Senator.
She immediately took credit for the rising stock market which
followed her swearing in.
[overheard (and submitted) by C. J. Burke]
Wednesday, January 3, 2001
With her Senate career beginning and Hillary in both the Senate
and the White House, Mrs. Clinton was quick to get her advance
check from her publisher deposited before becoming subject to
new earnings restrictions.
Thus, she gives new meaning to the phrase
"Checks and Balances".
[C. J. Burke]
Tuesday, January 2, 2001
For the next 17 days, Hillary Clinton, serving as senator and first
lady, will be wearing two hats.
Which is appropriate since she's two-faced, as well.
[C. J. Burke]
Does anyone think that anyone will refer to Hillary as the junior
anything from New York?
[C. J. Burke]
Monday, January 1, 2001
Monday, December 25, 2000
I'm taking time off to play with my kids' toys!
Wishing all my readers the best.
Thursday, December 21, 2000
Q: How does Santa know that he's in Bill Clinton's house?
A: The stockings are hung by the chimney with care ...
held up with garters.
[C. J. Burke]
Tuesday, December 19, 2000
Did you hear that Al Gore's conceded?
Well, sure, everyone knows Al Gore's conceited.
[C. J. Burke]
Did you hear that Al Gore is going to sell hot dogs and popcorn?
Now that he's made his concession stand.
[C. J. Burke]
One of the D.C. electors entered a blank ballot for president
as a protest.
Gore demanded a recount.
He wants to determine the "true intent" of the electoral voter.
[C. J. Burke]
Al Gore said, "It's time for me to go."
Do you think we can get him to take a few people with him?
[C. J. Burke]
Check out the Joke of the Day Archives.
You can be part of this, too!
If you have a joke for the Joke-of-the-Day, mail it to cjburke@io.com. Please give the source of your joke. If it's original, just say so and I'll give you the credit . . . Unless you'd rather be anonymous.Remember: this isn't the Monica Lewinsky Joke Page. It's not the Paula Jones Joke Page, either. Please, please read the FAQ.
THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVES
| 2000 Archives | The Year In Review |
| 1999 Archives | The Year In Review |
| 1998 Archives | The Year in Review |
| 1996 and 1997 Archives | Everything from August 1, 1996 through 1997 |
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