THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Snow and the State of the Union
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, January 28, 2000
The Truth of the Union
"My fellow Americans, Hillary and I are not
getting divorced . . . "
". . . Whoops! Wrong Union."
[C. J. Burke]
Last night, Impeached President Clinton gave his final State of the Union
Address, which also happened to be his longest as well.
Ironically, had he taken some Sodium Pentothal before entering the
Chamber, it would have qualified as the shortest one on record.
[C. J. Burke]
The Sodium Pentothal Version
"My fellow Americans . . . "
"Last year, the Vice President launched a new effort to make
communities more liberal . . . "
"Tonight, I ask you to support new funding for the following things,
to make American communities for liberal . . . "
"Thank you, God bless you and God bless America."
[Impeached President William Jefferson Blythe Clinton,
as edited by C. J. Burke]
Thursday, January 27, 2000
Telling the Truth
Former Sen. Bill Bradley questioned V.P. Al Gore last night that if
Al can't tell the truth on the campaign, how do we know he'll tell the
truth if elected president.
Al's first thought, "Well, it worked for Bill Clinton."
[C. J. Burke]
Speaking of Clinton telling lies and making promises that he doesn't
plan to keep but sound good nonetheless, Clinton will be making a final
State of the Union stump speech. He promises to keep his promises. Honest.
[C. J. Burke]
Wednesday, January 26, 2000
Snowball Fight in the Snow
Reporters and staffers at the White House took a little R&R yesterday
and got into a friendly snowball fight during the first major storm to
hit the area in four years. Impeached president Clinton didn't take
part in it and was nowhere to be seen.
There were scattered reports of a nude man romping around a snowdrift
in the distance, but a positive ID could not be made.
[C. J. Burke]
Tuesday, January 25, 2000
Gore Wins Iowa
Al Gore celebrated his 2-to-1 victory over Bill Bradley in Iowa
last night. He started by thanking the two people who showed up
and voted for him.
[C. J. Burke]
Monday, January 24, 2000
Al to Replace Bill!
It's been announced and Al Groh will replace Bill Parcells
as head coach of the New York Jets.
Meanwhile, at the White House, Bill Clinton recently told Al Gore,
"Al, you'd have a better chance at the Meadowlands."
[C. J. Burke]
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