THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Digs at Bill, Hil, Al and more

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Friday, February 4, 2000

New Cigarette Taxes

Impeached President Clinton is proposing new cigarette taxes and fines imposed on tobacco companies to curb teen smoking.
A spokesperson reported, "It's only natural that the administration wants to give them away to anyone who wants them. It's a fact: we know that teenagers are going to do it anyway, and telling them not to will just fall on deaf . . .
"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were talking about condom distribution."
[C. J. Burke]

Thursday, February 3, 2000

Clinton's Hope Chest

Bill Clinton has this chest which he told Hillary on their wedding day that she must never open. She followed his wishes for many years, but while moving to New York, she couldn't resist anymore. She finally opened the chest. In it was $1,800 and three beer cans. She didn't think twice about the money, but she wondered about the beer cans. When she asked Bill, he said, "Well, I put one can in there every time I cheated on you." Hillary thought about it, and figured, okay, three's not so bad.
Later, however, she began to wonder about the money. Finally, she asked Bill about that. He replied, "Whenever the chest was full of beer cans, I turned them in for the deposit."
[John Keitz]

Wednesday, February 2, 2000

Groundhog's Day
Little Willy poked out of Clinton's pajama bottoms this morning, saw his shadow and ran back in hiding.
Looks like he'll have six more weeks of Hillary, instead of an early spring in New York.
[C. J. Burke]

Tuesday, February 1, 2000

Hillary to Announce Sunday
Hillary Clinton had announced that she would announce the day that she would announce that she was running for the Senate. That day is here. She has formally announced that she will formally announce this coming Sunday. Most likely.
After that, in 62 counties across New York State, there will be more than 500 parties in the homes of her supporters.
Said a spokesperson, "With more than 500 supporters, she's a shoe-in to win."
[C. J. Burke]
Related story

Monday, January 31, 2000

Tennessee Team Comes So Close
It was a heartbreaking finish as the team from Tennessee came so close to the goal line but just came up short.
Editors nationwide rejoiced at the finish, knowing that they can reuse the headlines after the November election, or at least the Democrat primaries.
[C. J. Burke]

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