THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, February 11, 2000

How could she do that?? Well, here are THE TOP FIVE REASONS THAT HILLARY DIDN'T LEAVE A TIP

5. The bill was $0.00 and twenty percent of that is still $0.00.
4. All the cows in the area had her mind wandering about cattle futures.
3. It should be reward enough that she received the pleasure of serving Mrs. Clinton, a cherished memory to be passed on for generations -- if they can afford to live that long.
2. She was ticked off that no masseurs offered their Physical Therapy services.
1. She left a tip: "Don't marry Bill Clinton!"
[C. J. Burke]

Thursday, February 10, 2000

Fox News has reported that a formal ethics complaint against the impeached president is forthcoming, alleging "lying, deceit, perjury, fraud, dishonesty (and) untrustworthiness."
A spokesman for the impeached president chuckled when informed of the complaint. "Ha! They missed a few."
[C. J. Burke]

The American Spectator is asking the question: was there a reason that Hillary chose Purchase, NY, to launch her campaign? Was this a signal that the election is being bought or sold?
My thoughts then flew to the other meanings of Purchase that seem to apply, so allow me to excerpt the following definitions from the American Heritage Dictionary:

1. • The act or an instance of buying. Self-explanatory
   • Something bought. her supporters? or herself?
   • Acquisition through the payment of money or its equivalent. Cattle futures? or peddling influence?
2. 
   A grip applied manually or mechanically to move something or prevent it from slipping. Like her slipping poll numbers? Or maybe someone told her, "The Senate?? Get a grip!"
3. 
   A device used to obtain mechanical advantage. She's good at looking for advantages.
4. • A means of increasing power or influence. Power? Influence? Isn't this the very definition of Hillary??
   • An advantage that is used in exerting one's power."Exerting one's power"? No, not our Hillary.

A purchase not also be considered a foundation to move from or to start to build from, which is something Hillary could use seeing how she's on such shaky ground.
[C. J. Burke]

Wednesday, February 9, 2000

While in Starbucks with Chelsea this past Sunday, the impeached president was hit upon by a local masseuse who offered Clinton her services as a "message therapist" (oh, and Chelsea, too).
Clinton thanked her for the tip.
One wonders want kind of "tip" she's expecting from Clinton.
[C. J. Burke]

Tuesday, February 8, 2000

The New York Times is reporting that astronomers have discovered an asteroid, 2000 BF19, has a one in one million shot at colliding with Earth in the year 2022.
Hillary Clinton immediately called an emergency meeting of top aides and advisors. She announced, "First the good news: we only have to stall and keep me and Bill out of jail for another 22 years ..."
[C. J. Burke]

Monday, February 7, 2000

Click here for an important note.