THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

President's Day, Puffy, Pardons, Hillary and Net Worth

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, February 25, 2000


Clinton's Net Worth

With tax season here, Bill Clinton has been re-evaluating his financial situation when he discovered, despite legal bills and mortgages, how much he was really worth. This gave him the idea to call Fox TV and pitch a new series:
Who Wants to Fiddle Around With a Multimillionare?!

Thursday, February 24, 2000


Puff Daddy in More Trouble

There was trouble brewing for Sean "Puffy" Combs last night as the Grammy Awards unfolded. Not only is he the subject of further charges in New York City, but the feds were starting to look into the case.
It seems that Bill Clinton wanted Puff Daddy arrested last night so he could sit next to Jennifer Lopez.
[C. J. Burke]

Word is that the operation fell apart last night after Clinton saw Lopez's outfit, what there was of it. It seems that he froze in place, eyes bulging, jaw on the floor, unable to give the order to start the operation until way too late...

Wednesday, February 23, 2000


Hillary Losing the Women's Vote

Polls are showing that candidate Hillary Clinton is running into trouble. It seems that polls are showing that she isn't capturing the women's vote, thought to have been a lock.
However, an internal pollster noted, "She is leading among woman who haven't been hit on by her husband, but that's a statistically insignificant group."
[C. J. Burke]

Tuesday, February 22, 2000


Clinton Pardons a Draft Dodger

Bill Clinton issued a full pardon to a draft dodger yesterday, saying "even if he did have sex with that woman .... "
Whoops, wrong story.

Bill Clinton issued a full pardon to Preston King who fled Georgia in 1961 after being sentenced to 18 months in prison for draft evasion. King has been in hiding in England for the past 39 years.
Said Clinton about the pardon, "We birds of a feather must stick together."
[C. J. Burke]

Monday, February 21, 2000


President's Day

In honor of Dead President's Day, impeached president Clinton has put all military secrets on sale, lower than they've ever been before.
So low, he's practically giving them all away!
So low, he must be insane!
[C. J. Burke]

Q: What's the difference between Abraham Lincoln and Bill Clinton?
A: Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves.
Bill Clinton freed Willy.
[C. J. Burke]

Q: What's the difference between George Washington and Bill Clinton?
A: George Washington was accussed of breaking a cherry tree.
[C. J. Burke]

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