THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Clinton: the Definition, Leap Day, Screen Savers, Go Yankees
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, March 3, 2000
The Steinbrener Connection
With Major League Baseball 2000 about to begin, it's time to
reveal the Steinbrener Connection to the Clinton White House.
When George Steinbrener was in college, he coached a girls
softball team whose membership included nine-year-old Donna Shalala.
Shalala said in a radio interview that he loved to coach and
taught her to keep her eye on the ball and swing for the fence.
Co-incidentally, this could explain why Clinton backs off
whenever Shalala's around.
[C. J. Burke]
... and it gives new meaning to the phrase "pop fly" -- especially
if that fly is unzipped!
GO YANKEES!!
Thursday, March 2, 2000
"Hey, a Screen Saver"
Impeached president Bill Clinton beheld a "new" technological marvel
recently -- he discovered the screen saver. Catching
up with the rest of the world, he was fascinated to see objects fly
across the screen and images appearing and fading.
According to a spokesman, it wasn't usual for Clinton to be
unaware of such old technology. "When he's racing through those
Internet porn sites, he doesn't usually let the PC rest long enough
for the screen saver to show up."
[C. J. Burke]
Okay, I could use a couple of links to Clinton
Screen Savers right about here.
Wednesday, March 1, 2000
Clinton: the Definition
clin-ton (clint' n) [after Bill Clinton, late 20th
century U.S.
president whose administration is remembered primarily for impeachment,
corruption and scandals]
vt. 1. To grope a person of the opposite gender in an unwelcome,
unwanted manner
*He tried to clinton the man's wife*
2. To
communicate
in a manner which clouds the truth by omitting essential information, or
by playing with the meaning of words, or by other such deceptive means
*He clintoned his answer so much that nobody understood it*
3.
To shamelessly promote a falsehood as the truth
*"Ken Starr - out of
control," clintoned the media or President Bush's Economy was the worst
in the last 50 years was largely clintoned by the mainstream press*
vi. To act in a boorish manner while self- righteously
maintaining
the appearance of dignity
*He continued to clinton while the polls held
up*
n. 1. Any lewd advance towards a person of the opposite gender,
usually involving touching
*The boss did a clinton on his defenseless
secretary*
2. Any instance of speech or conduct involving
calculated
deception
*The press conference on Kosovo was a real clinton*
--adj. Characterized by sleaziness or deceptiveness
*It was a classic clintonian response*
See also:
Arkancide, Arkcident, bureaucratic
snafus, bimbos, Chinese Wars, cigar tricks, Clinton fatigue,
Clintonspeak, Constitutional Crisis, draft dodging, Dreamworks'
scandals, equivocate, enablers, Executive Orders, Federal Land Grabs,
"getting a Lewinsky", gun confiscation, Illegal (Campaign Funds, FBI
files), impeachment, indefensible, "is" is, Leavenworth, lies, martial
law, missile technology transfers, mother/grandmother conflicts, NATO
aggression (Clinton's Wars), obfuscate, obstruction of justice, oral
sex, Oval Office pantry, Oval Office sink, perjury, "plunge" protection
team, prevaricate, scumbag, secret police, Soviet Union resurrection,
spin, stonewall, treason, UN Sovereignty Rebellion, "Wag-the-Dog (Monica
bombs, Afghanistan, Iraq, Kosovo, Pakistan, Sudan)", Waco,
WhiteWater.
[by "Stand Watch Listen", used by permission]
Tuesday, February 29, 2000
LEAP DAY!
Interns and secretaries alike are walking softly in the White House
today.
Bill Clinton heard that is was LEAP DAY...
... and he's hiding behind corners and ready to pounce.
[C. J. Burke]
Monday, February 28, 2000
You Can Call Them Al
Al Gore joined with Al Sharpton to denounce racial bigots.
Said the VP: "Present company excepted, of course."
The moral lesson preached: "Intolerance will not be tolerated."
[C. J. Burke]
Sayeth Sharpton: "Al Gore is no white interloper."
[C. J. Burke]
Click here for an important note.
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