THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Super Tuesday, Soft Money, Dr. Laura and Mardi Gras
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, March 10, 2000
Gore's Numbers Ready to Explode
Now that Bill Bradley has conceded his campaign, the Democrats are
ready to unite behind Albert Gore.
Says Gore, "Now that we are united, our campaign will explode!
Even more than that Internet that I created!"
[C. J. Burke]
Mardi Gras Nudity Laws
New Orleans officials have formally reversed their recent decision to
enforce the no-nudity ban at all Mardi Gras parades and parties, leaving
women free to whip off their tops and flash passers-by.
Word is that the local authorities got a call from Washington that
the impeached president might be stopping by.
[C. J. Burke]
Thursday, March 9, 2000
Dr. Laura Under Fire
Radio talk show host Dr. Laura has been under fire by gay activists
who are opposed to the doctor and to Paramount producing a syndicated
television show for her. Dr. Laura is the author of several bestselling
self-help books, including Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess
Up Their Lives. Bill Clinton read it and scoffed, "This is
nonsense, I've done all ten and more. And my life is great and my
wife is hundreds of miles away."
[C. J. Burke]
... which is another example of Bill repeating himself.
Wednesday, March 8, 2000
Skip the Soft Money and Let's Debate
Al Gore has suggested that he and George Bush should skip the
soft money and the advertising and should instead focus on debates.
The first debate could be on the subject of campaign finance
violations and
held at that Buddhist temple.
[C. J. Burke]
Tuesday, March 7, 2000
Super Tuesday!
Around the nation . . .
Bill Clinton was primed and pumped for Super Tuesday and had his
aides about him to keep him informed on how he was doing ... until
someone reminded him that his political career is over.
Al Gore is out and about hoping for a strong showing today, much
like the strong showing on Super Tuesday 1988, right before his
campaign crashed in flames.
Hillary! (no last name these days, except for the punctuation),
having scared her competitors out of the race, doesn't have anything
to worry about this primary day in New York, except maybe wondering
what's on the minds of all those New York City Police officers that
she passes whenever she's in the city to denounce them as brutal
racists.
Dick Gephardt is out ordering a new gavel for use next January --
when he'll get much use out of it as a mallet to hammer nails in his
toolshed.
[C. J. Burke]
Monday, March 6, 2000
Sorry, I took a personal day. Family comes first, you know.
Belatedly, March 6, 2000 was the night of the New Moon.
But around the Oval Office, the interns are used to seeing the
same old moon.
[C. J. Burke]
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