THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
St. Patrick's Day, Disbarment Day, "Old News",
Campaign Finance Reform and Papal Apologies
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, March 17, 2000
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I'd like to extend to a Thousand Blessing of Eire to all my readers,
both the old Irish and the temporarily Irish for the day. And most of
all to the man of the day, V.P. Albert Gore, who many of you already
knew, invented both St. Patrick's Day and green beer.
Actually, Al has tried to remove St. Patrick from the calendar for
his crime of driving snakes from their natural habitat.
Meanwhile, while many take part in the wearing of the green,
Bill Clinton plans to spend the day taking part in the
Disrobing of the Green and asking the interns to Kiss his Blarney.
NEWS FLASH!!!New York City engineers are busing
repairing a water main break on Fifth Avenue toward the north end of
the St. Patrick's Day Parade route before the parade steps off.
(true story, don't you know, happened this morning) Said one
of the workers, getting the metal plate over it was the easy part.
Rigging it to cave in when Hillary walks marches over, that took some
time.
And, finally, finishing off the First and Second Couples of the United
States....
Remember, it may a Long Way to Tipperary, but it's a longer way for
Tipper Gore to make it to the White House.
[cjburke@io.com]
Man, I am on a roll today. Need some Green Beer and Irish Whiskey
to wash down the roll. Maybe a rich Guiness stout. Hmmmm, when's lunch.
DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!!
If you go to see a parade, leaves the drinks in the bar, not in a brown paper
bag. If you plan to tie on anything other than a green bowtie, hand someone
else the car keys. Irish doesn't mean "stupid".
Thursday, March 16, 2000
Happy Disbarment Day!
This is the day that Bill Clinton has to respond to charges in
the disbarment case against him in Arkansas or surrender his law
license. The impeached president has so far chosen to ignore it.
To him, we dedicate this song and joke:
Happy Disbarment Day to You!
Happy Disbarment Day to You!
Happy Disbarment Day, Mr. Impeached Disbarred Disgrace President
Happy Disbarment Day to You!
An Irish joke like the president is found of:
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Ted
Kennedy?
A: Kennedy could never pass the bar and Clinton is being removed
from one!
[cjburke@io.com]
Wednesday, March 15, 2000
Gore on Campaign Finance Reform
V.P. Albert Gore has decided to take up the banner of Campaign
Finance Reform. No, seriously, that's what he's doing.
Said a spokesman for the Vice President, "When you've broken as
many laws as Al has, you know exactly where the reforms are needed."
[cjburke@io.com]
On the other hand, GWB has no credibility on campaign finance issues
because, according to the Gore camp, he refuses to take the taxpayers'
money to fund his campaign.
Tuesday, March 14, 2000
Old News
New revelations about Al Gore's illegal activities at a Buddhist
temple fundraiser where foreign donations were collected during a
purported "outreach program" (reach out for their wallets) were met
by presidential spokesman Joe Lockhart with admonishments of "that's
old news".
Meanwhile, in New York state, a state prison inmate's DNA,
collected under a recent new New York State law,
was determined to be a match to the blood found in the apartment
of a woman brutally murdered two decades ago. The inmate's lawyer
commented, "that's old news".
[cjburke@io.com]
Monday, March 13, 2000
Papal Apologies
In the Monday, March 13, 200 Washington Post, it was reported that
in an unprecedented plea, Pope John Paul II asked divine forgiveness for
the sins committed by the Roman Catholic Church over the last 2,000
years against Jews, other Christian faiths, women, the poor and various
ethnic and racial groups.
The inside story is that the Pope started by asking for divine
forgiveness for Bill Clinton, but decided to go for the best he could
get.
[Justice Percell, JPercell@hq.interamerica.com]
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