THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Opening Day, Reno, Responsible Youth and No Pardons
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, April 14, 2000
Clinton Won't Ask For Pardon
Impeached President B. J. Clinton stated at a press conference
that he would not ask a future president for a pardon of his crimes
because he doesn't believe he will have to. And he's not worried
about his impeachment because he believes that whole matter was
illegal.
"And when it comes to illegal actions," added the accused rapist,
"I ought to know."
[cjburke@io.com]
Thursday, April 13, 2000
Reno Backing Down
Breaking News: The Attorney General has withdrawn her deadline for
the Miami relatives of Elian Gonzalez to turn over the boy to his
father.
You have to had it to those brave Cubans. Not many people would
stand in the way of a charging Reno.
[cjburke@io.com]
. . . Then again, that's par for the Clinton golf course: make
threats, back down . . . rattle the cage, back down . . . shake the
saber, back down . . . find a stained dress, bomb an aspirin
factory . . .
Wednesday, April 12, 2000
Responsible Youth
On Tuesday, May 2, the President and Mrs. Clinton will host the
"White House Conference on Teenagers: Raising Responsible and
Resourceful Youth."
Here are
the Top Five Ways Our Youth Can Be More
Repsonsible
5. Put a trigger lock on that 9mm that the drug
dealer you're living with leaves laying around.
4. When you ask a young girl, "Why is your chest as
flat as your back?", don't say it in a poem. Say it in a card.
3. When you use your finger as a gun in the
schoolyard, put a silencer on it before yelling "Bang, bang!"
2. Tell everyone who will listen, "I DON'T WANT
TO GO BACK TO CUBA!!!"
1. Never, ever have sex with the president!
[cjburke@io.com]
Tuesday, April 11, 2000
Reno Means Business
If the Miami relatives of Elian Gonzalez know what's good for them,
they'll surrender the child to federal authorities and return him to his
life of squalor in Cuba.
Word is that Janet Reno has told the BATF that those Cuban exiles
are abusing the boy and she might have to send them in to save him.
[cjburke@io.com]
Note 1: I wanted to have a joke about Reno's
cluelessness today, 4/11 -- as in "someone give her the 411?"
Note 2: Oops, today's Yankee home opener has
been postponed until tomorrow because of the weather.
Monday, April 10, 2000
Yankee Home Opener Tomorrow
And the two "Number One" Yankee fans will be on hand.
Word is that Rudy will be at Yankee Stadium to throw out the
First Lady.
[anonymous -- and various -- submissions]
Click here for an important note.
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