THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Two Weeks of Hillary, Rudy, Moms and Los Alamos and more

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, May 19, 2000


Disappointing Rudy

While Hillary Clinton was being nominated for the office of Senator from New York on the Democrat ticket, her supporters were busy spitting on an Albany police volunteer honor guard whom were called "Nazis".
Apparently, Hillary has gone for the expected nominee to the expectorant nominee....

Then again, whenever Hillary expected to talk, I expect a rant....

But this belies the notion that some in the anti-Hillary crowd entertained that her campaign wasn't worth spit....

It's a good thing that no one in this crowd chews tobacco.
[C. J. Burke]

(I probably could have made a Top Ten list of punchlines on this one.)

Thursday, May 18, 2000


Disappointing Rudy

Some Republicans in New York have expressed disappointment with NYC Mayor Rudy Guiliani now that his marriage has disintegrated and he has been seen around town in the company of a "close, personal friend".
It only goes to show you, the Clintons have just moved to New York and their corrupting influence is showing already.
[C. J. Burke]

Wednesday, May 17, 2000


Bill Supports Hillary

In a last-minute change of plans, Bill Clinton showed up at the New York Democrat Party Convention to witness the nomination for Hillary Clinton of Chicago for the office of New York Senator. Bill Clinton said that he's proud of his wife and that she's the most important woman in his life and that their marriage is special.
This goes without saying as long as a wife can't be compelled to testify against her husband. And vice versa.
[C. J. Burke]

Tuesday, May 16, 2000


Privatizing Social Security

Gov. George W. Bush has released his proposal for privatizing a portion of your Social Security benefits. Opponents howl that the plan is irresponsible and that the government is better capable and more effecient.
As proof, they point out no that private industy could possibly have started a wildfire like the one at Los Alamos like the government did.
[C. J. Burke]

How Many Moms?

Clinton is maintaining that he saw at least 500,000 to 750,000 Moms on Sunday. It's still unclear if he was talking about on the Mall or in his office or in the Lincoln bedroom.
On the other hand, if Hillary can change $1,000 into $100,000, she can change 100,000 Moms into a million!
[C. J. Burke]

Monday, May 15, 2000


Hundred Thousans Mom March

Approximately 100,000 mothers marched on Washington in the search for irrational gun control. Bill Clinton was happy to see them fighting for what they believed in and couldn't stop thinking, "So many women, so little time!"
[C. J. Burke]

Ironically, Rosie O'Donnell, who addressed the crowd, was thinking pretty much the same thing.

Thursday, May 11, 2000


Another Email Whistleblower Claims Intimidation!

I always knew that Bill Clinton was for serious ARMS control, but I never realized that by ARMS, he was refering to where the emails hidden from the Independent Counsel on the Automated Records Management System.
[C. J. Burke]

Thursday, May 11, 2000


Remeber Los Alamos!

The inferno near Los Alamos continues to rage on as meteorologists expect continued high winds which only add to the devastation.
The fire was deliberately set to clear away dead wood, but quickly went out of control once the winds took over.
V. P. Al Gore wanted to travel to Los Alamos to survey the damage done, but advisors warned against the potential danger. Al scoffed, "I'm not made of dead wood, you know."
[C. J. Burke]

By the way, did anyone get the Al Gore, Sr. story on today last Sunday? I don't know why they renamed him "Geppetto".

Wednesday, May 10, 2000


Hillary Supporters Allege Rudy Affair

Supporters of Hillary Clinton's New York Senate campaign are trying to make hay out of an alleged affair that Rudy Guiliani is having.
Some statements that have been made include . . .
"Do we really want someone who cheats on his wife, um, waitaminute. . . "
"Serious allegations need to be responded to, um, waitaminute . . ."
"He's been seen with her and we know what that means, um, waitaminute . . ."
"If you can't trust, um, waitaminute . . . "
[C. J. Burke]

And, unlike, Gennifer Flowers, there are no tapes. Unlike Monica, there is no dress. Unlike Paula (and Gennifer and Monica and Juanita) there isn't even an allegation by the woman purportedly "involved" that anything is going on.
But other than that, there's a media double standard, Clinton allies complain.

Monday, May 8, 2000


"We Want You to be the Next Senator..."

At a fundraiser over the weekend, former Arkansas Senator Dale Bumpers told Hillary Clinton, "We want you to be the next Senator from New York."
The applause was so loud that Mrs. Clinton didn't hear Bumpers add, "... because we sure as hell don't want you back here."
[C. J. Burke]

Click here for an important note.


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