THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Ethnic Slurs, Anagrams, the VP Death Watch and more

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.


Friday, July 28, 2000


Hillary's Ads

Hillary Clinton's new Senate ads state that even though her only accomplishment in life, her health plan, was defeated, she kept on fighting.
It has to be pretty bad when your greatest accomplishment was shot down by your own party. It's got to be even worse when that's the best thing you can say about yourself in your commercials.
[Chris Burke


Thursday, July 27, 2000


Hillary Pulls a Quayle

Hillary Clinton took her Senate campaign to Erie County -- Erie County, Pennsylvania -- when she phoned a local radio station that can't be heard in New York, the state where she's running for office.
Say what you will about Dan Quayle, but the man never campaigned in the wrong state!
[C. J. Burke]

Gore's Great Opportunity

In an attempt to show up George W. Bush and to score points in the name of diversity of views and opinions, we hear that Al Gore is going to break with an ideological ticket and chose a running mate that's pro-life, pro-gun, pro-tax relief and pro-truth-telling.
[C. J. Burke]


Wednesday, July 26, 2000


Bush Admits Inadequacy

Pundits and spin doctors have claimed over the last 48 hours or so that George W. Bush is admitting his own failings by choosing the best individual for the job who has more expertise than himself in several areas.
Apparently, rather than compensate for any lack on his own part, he should have picked a VP that couldn't overshadow him and make him look good in comparison, perhaps following Bill Clinton's lead in 1992 when he made his own lightwieght VP choice.

[C. J. Burke]

Making a "Bold Choice"

The oft-repeated phrase of this news cycle is that Bush chose not to make a "bold choice" for VP, and instead played it safe. But what exactly would a "bold choice" be?
Is that the same as a "risky scheme"?

[C. J. Burke]


Tuesday, July 25, 2000


Cheney Death Watch Begins

The major news media have greeted the news of George W. Bush's selection of Dick Cheney as his running mate with instant analyses of his health and have established a Death Watch, waiting for that immenent fourth heart attack that could come any time in the next 12 years.

Cheney's health, of course, doesn't fit the mold of a V.P. set forth by Al Gore. Cheney is obviously at death's door while Al Gore was just barely alive.

[C. J. Burke]


Monday, July 24, 2000


A More Witness and A Dem VP?

Another man has emerged alongside Bill Clinton as a character witness for his wife: actor Jon Lovitz says he's never heard Hillary use a slur and is sure she never would.

Meanwhile, Lovitz's name has emerged as a possible VP nominee for Al Gore (beating out Joe Isuzu by a hair) giving the Dream Ticket of the Man Who Invented the Internet and the Man Who Wrote the Yellow Pages.

[C. J. Burke]


Friday, July 21, 2000


One Last(?) Ethnic Comment

Hillary (and Bill) claims she never uses ethnic remarks or even tells ethnic jokes. So I guess she can come up with a non-ethnic explanation for why she endearingly referred to Al D'Amato as Senator Tomato.
Maybe a reference of concern for a sunburned face or scalp?
[C. J. Burke]

Anagram Time

I'm not looking for a list of these and most of them are incredibly strained, but I liked this one that was passed my way:

PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA
can be rearranged (with no letters left over, and using each letter only once) into:
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

[submitted by Bob Woll]


Thursday, July 20, 2000


Counter Slur Campaign

The Hillary Clinton campaign spin machine has rushed out to trash the author of a recent book about her as well as the people who claim in the book (and in recent interviews) that she used an ethnic epithet.
According to a hidden microphone, Hillary stated at a campaign meeting: "Let's smash those f*****g Jew b******s for saying things like that about me!!"
[C. J. Burke]


Wednesday, July 19, 2000


FOBs and FJBs

The friends of Bill are out defending Hillary against the F.J.B. remark, and many are pointing fingers at her Senate opponent Rick Lazio.
Personally, I think that any candidate that can, within one month of entering the race, can get someone to research a book, find witnesses, write it, publish it and get it into the bookstores for all the world to see in that short timespan, that kind of guy can get things done in the Senate.
[C. J. Burke]

For that matter, I'm sure that the recent Rudy Guiliani expose was just a co-incidence of timing and all research was done independently of the information found in Rudy's FBI folder.
[C. J. Burke]

From Newsmax.com:

How can Hillary remember what she did or didn't say 26 years ago given that how much she couldn't recall in front of the Senate Whitewater Committee?

Great question? Doubt anyone will have any answers.


Tuesday, July 18, 2000


Hillary and Ethnic Slurs

Go away for a week and look at the brouhaha that boils up!

Impeached president Bill Clinton says that Hillary Clinton has not made an ethnic slur in 29 years.
Ironically, that's also the same period of time since Mark Fuhrman says he last used the "N-word".
[C. J. Burke]

Several spokespeople over the weekend have said that just because a person uses certain words in certain situations, that doesn't make them an anti-Semite.
But does anyone really care what spokespeople for Pat Buchanan think?
[C. J. Burke]

I wonder what's coming next now that Hillary has said that there are more revelations, er, that should be "accusations", to come.
[C. J. Burke]

Click here for an important note.



Prev Joke | Next Joke

Joke-of-the-Day Main Page | Joke Archive | C. J. Burke's home page | Mail

This page, and all the pages it has links to, are Copyright 1996-1999 Christopher J. Burke. All rights reserved.
Clinfinition and Hillaryous are trademarks of C. J. Burke's Bill Clinton Joke-of-the-Day Page.
Some of the images seen in these pages originated at the White House home page. Visit them at http://www.whitehouse.gov.