THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Hollywood Bill and the Democrat Convention

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, August 18, 2000

"I Am My Own Man"

Al Gore wanted the country to know that he is not a Clinton flunky, but rather he is his own man. To exemplify this, the VP planted a minute-long, wet, French kiss on his wife as his took the stage, proving to the world that he can get his own babes.
[C. J. Burke]

Thursday, August 17, 2000

Celebrities Fawn for the Clintons

Notes on the week:

John Travolta thanked Bill Clinton for the best eight years of his life. These would include the years he spend making Battlefield: Earth?
Mary Steenburgen told Hillary, "You killed on Leno last night." Hillary nearly had her silenced before realizing that she was speaking metaphorically and hadn't actually seen where they hid the bodies.
By the way, Bill, that's ...burgen, not ...virgin
Whoopi Goldberge told Bill, "You kicked ass." Hey, whatever Bill's personal kinks, that's none of our business.
Michael Bolton played "When a Man Loves a Woman" as a special request for Bill Clinton. No mention was made as to whom the song was going out for.
And, finally, Dan Rather said that comparing Laura Bush and Hillary Clinton was like comparing watermelons and turnips. No mention of which was the watermelon and which was the turnip; however, one is known for its pits and the other its knee, so you decide.

[C. J. Burke]

Wednesday, August 16, 2000

Moving Away From Clinton

The Democrat National Convention continued its move away from reminding the public of the personal foibles and immoralities of Bill Clinton.
Last night, Teddy Kennedy spoke and . . .
. . . you know, Gore must've been backstage smacking himself in the head.
[C. J. Burke]

"Stay Out of the Bushes"
Jesse Jackson took the stage yesterday with the refrain of "Stay out of the bushes!" which was surprising because the tone of the convention is that whatever Clinton did with his interns is nobody's business.
[C. J. Burke]

Tuesday, August 15, 2000

Bill Takes the Stage

Watching Bill Clinton walking that underground hallway last night made me wonder whom he might walk into along the way -- someone from the WWF or Don Adams from "Get Smart".
[C. J. Burke]

Al Gore and the WWF
Al Gore may take the stage at an upcoming WWF event.
It seems he thought it was for the World Wildlife Federation.
[C. J. Burke]

Monday, August 14, 2000

Hollywood Bill and the Hitchcock Connection

Bill Clinton showed once again that he's in the pocket of the Hollywood liberal crowd who all turned out to honor him and fork over wads of cash. The only thing missing was a tribute to Alfred Hitchcok.

After all, this adminstration has featured The Man Who Knew Too Much, Psycho, Blackmail, Suspiscion beyond A Shadow of a Doubt, and Notorious characters running about in a Frenzy looking for their own personal Lifeboat. And when a "bimbo eruption" occurs and a lady comes forth to speak out, The Lady Vanishes. And, somehow, Clinton manages to hold the nation Spellbound even as Janet Reno does her best to Sabotage all investigations You have to admit that this is one administration for The Birds.
[C. J. Burke]

Be glad I didn't mention "The Skin Game".

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