THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Thursday, September 28, 2000

It's being reported that Al Gore's nanny has to wait out in the car while the family ate in an all-white restaurant.
No word if this is the same nanny who sang Al lullabies when he was 27 years old.
[C. J. Burke]

Some have already started calling it

Tuesday, September 26, 2000

That Al Gore is the founder of the internet is dubious at best,
but there's no doubt that Bill Clinton is the finder of the intern's nest.
[Wayne Anderson]

Monday, September 25, 2000

Impeached President Bill Clinton was asked if he knew anything about "the mole".
He replied, "I've never seen Gennifer's mole. And I don't even know that she has one there."
[C. J. Burke]

Wednesday, September 20, 2000

Q. What is the difference between "lay" vs "lie"?
A. Bill Clinton vs Al Gore.
[C. J. Burke]

Not totally true: Clinton does both, but it's hard to say which he does more of.

Tuesday, September 19, 2000

Alec Baldwin has announced that he's leaving the country if George W. Bush is elected president. If that isn't a reason to vote for Bush, I don't know what is.
Somebody cue up the N*Sync record and wave to Alec:

Monday, September 18, 2000

Yes, that's right. Hillary didn't score any positives, so the spin machine is trying to rack up some negatives for Lazio. Here are the top five:

5. Too pushy.
4. Too aggressive.
3. Too menacing.
2. He was in Hillary's face. No one gets in Hillary's face.
1. He invaded a woman's personal space. Who does he think he is? Bill Clinton?

Yes, America, the jury is back and the verdict is in. Which one of those two is the real New Yorker?
[C. J. Burke]

I don't know about you, but wouldn't the people of New York prefer a pushy, aggressive, in-your-face senator fighting for their interests, instead of a poor, defenseless, little old lady?
[C. J. Burke]

And one final comment about the debate: What's with all the spin about "menacing"? After a couple of days of hearing that, I'd expect to see debate footage showing Lazio waving a switchblade in front of Hillary Clinton's face! Where was the Secret Service?? Why weren't they there to protect her??
[C. J. Burke]

Friday, September 15, 2000

In an effort to stop the child name-calling in the New York Senate contest, Rep. Rick Lazio (R-NY) should propose the following to Hillary Clinton:
"Mrs. Clinton, I will make you a deal. You stop calling me 'Newt Gingrich' in your commercials and fundraising letters, and I'll stop calling you 'Hillary Clinton'."

The problem here is that this can backfire. I'm sure Hillary's team is less fond of the name Clinton than Lazio is of Gingrich.

Thursday, September 14, 2000

These are the stories that the press is working on ... or ignoring ... in their order of importance:

5. Hillary, who was trounced in the debate, is selling overnight stays for campaign cash.
4. Gore takes bribe for a veto.
3. Clinton named in yet another sexual harassment case.
2. DNC Office broken into, computers stolen.

And the Number one story dominating the following news cycle:
1. George W. Bush can't say "subliminal".
[C. J. Burke]

Wednesday, September 13, 2000

Question:
How do you get from: "Bill Clinton is the president of the United States."
To "Al Gore is the president of the United States."

Answer: You can the subject.
And Al Gore is very good at changing the subject any time he hears a difficult question.
[C. J. Burke]

Tuesday, September 12, 2000

At the U.S. Open in Queens, NY, this past weekend, tennis fans threw tennis balls at Bill Clinton who signed them and threw them back. Clinton told a Secret Service agent, "They must really like me. This is the fifth time I've signed this ball!"
[C. J. Burke]

Click here for an important note.