THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Debates, Baseball, Bon Jovi, Bookstores, Columbus Day, Aniversaries and more

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, October 13, 2000

Subway Series

On his weekly radio show, New York City Mayor Rudy Guiliani spoke at length for his hopes for a possible subway series between the Yankees and Mets, the first subway series in NYC since 1956. What a spectacle for the city! And don't forget the parades!

Meanwhile, Al Gore sent out a press release reminding voters that not only did he invent the subway series, he invented the subway, and his grandfather Abner Doublegore invented baseball.
[C. J. Burke]

You Know It's Friday the 13th When . . .

You know it's Friday the 13th when you're giving a speech on health care "for the children" and a child on stage with you collapses at your feet.
This very incident happened today to Al Gore.
It's a sign, Al. It's a sign
[C. J. Burke]

Word is that Al made the taxpayers in the front row pay for the boy's perscription drugs.
[C. J. Burke]

Thursday, October 12, 2000

"Excuse Me, Mr. President . . . "

Impeached president Clinton was spending the night with Hillary at his home in Chappaqua to celebrate their wedding anniversary when an aide came in and announced, "Excuse me, Mr. President. There's a crisis and you have to return to Washington."

Clinton bolted for the door, commenting, "Oh, thank God!"
[C. J. Burke]

and you would think he might have manufactured something to get out of there.

Wednesday, October 11, 2000

Clinton Aniversary

Hillary was asked what she's doing tonight to celebrate her wedding aniversary. She replied that she's looking forward to having a nice, quiet dinner. And then sometime after that, she'll give Bill a call and see how he's doing.
[C. J. Burke]

. . . or maybe that should be who he's doing?

Tuesday, October 10, 2000

Historic Columbus Day

Yesterday marked the 508th anniversary of Christopher Columbus sailing to America. Even more remarkable, Bill Clinton managed to go the entire 24 hours without issuing a deep-felt apology to American Indians.
[C. J. Burke]

Monday, October 9, 2000

Chicken Gore

It's been revealed that during a hearing of the Committee on Interstate and Foreign Commerce back in 1979, then-Rep. Al Gore sympathized with the plight of our nation's farmers and that he, too, raised chickens. "10,000 at one time, 5,000 in each of two houses."

Given Al Gore's D.C. background, one has to assume that that would mean 5,000 chickens in the Senate and 5,000 chickens in the House of Representatives.
[C. J. Burke]

Friday, October 6, 2000

More on Bon Jovi and Libraries

Note: If you haven't read the rest of this week's jokes, scroll down and read from the bottom up.

email from William E. Wilson:
I just read in your Bill Clinton Joke a Day page that future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library, the Jimmy Carter library, the Ronald Reagan library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Book Store.
If Gore ever became president, what legacy would he leave? The Al Gore Internet fiction library?

followup to Bon Jovi:
I wonder if Jon sang a song dedicated to "the kiss": e.g., "You Give Love a Bad Name".
Or maybe how Gore's campaign is "Living on a Prayer".

And does Jon Bon Jovi realize that he's part of that richest one percent of society that Al Gore has such contempt for.
[C. J. Burke]

Thursday, October 5, 2000

Bon Jovial Al

V.P. Al Gore shut down all major highways in Northern New Jersey last night to attend a million-dollar fundraiser and concert at the estate of singer Jon Bon Jovi. Highlights include:

A rousing rendition of "You Were Born to Be My VP"
Tipper's absence allowed for a chorus of "Living in Sin"
and motorists stuck on the Garden State Parkway were thinking of a different song, one that starts "Wanted: ...." The rest of this joke has been censored because the Secret Service does NOT have a sense of humor.
Motorists decided to "Never Say Goodbye" because they couldn't go anywhere.

[C. J. Burke]

Did Gore Just Lose New Jersey? Editorial:
Though not as much of a lock as New York, Al Gore has been comfortably ahead in the bellwether state of New Jersey. That is, he was before last night.
Polls have yet to be taken, but last night when the VP shut down all major highways in North-Central New Jersey, including the New Jersey Turnpike, Garden State Parkway, I-78, U.S. 1 & 9 and Route 22, traffic was brought to a standstill, leaving drivers accustomed to 45-minute rides, sitting and stewing for up to two-and-a-half hours. And they weren't the only ones fuming, their cars and SUVs were spewing foul, polluting toxins all the while.
The impact was immediately heard on talk radio which received numerous calls for drivers who were switching away from Gore. A traffic reporter even noted that their phone banks were overloaded with complaints from motorists. If only these feelings hold for another few weeks.
Hey, Al, maybe you can schedule another of these rush hour parking lots right around Halloween.
[C. J. Burke]

Wednesday, October 4, 2000

The Winner Last Night
And the winner last night was . . .
. . . anyone who watched "Dark Angel" or the ballgame.
And the folks in Florida that had a power failure and couldn't watch.
[C. J. Burke]
Sorry, my dear readers, but it was boring and not much of a "debate".

Heartbroken Hillary
Given the major losing streak that the New York Yankees have suffered, I would figure that their number one cheerleader, Hillary Clinton, must be simply broken up by their playoff loss.
Hillary, of course, couldn't be reached for comment, as she was watching the debate last night. But I'm sure a spokesperson assured us that she'd have been there at Yankee Stadium cheering for the team if she could've been.
. . . and if she knew they were still playing baseball.
[C. J. Burke]

* - and yes, I know that the Yankees were playing in California last night. Does she?

Tuesday, October 3, 2000

Odds on the Debate

With all the spin sure to follow (and precede!) tonight's presidential debate, there's no point in pointing on odds on whom the winner will be, but the oddsmakers are laying 6 to 5 that Gore will tackle Tipper and make love to her on the stage.
[C. J. Burke]

Monday, October 2, 2000

Future Historians

Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library, the James Carter Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Book Store.
[submitted by Bob Woll]

Click here for an important note.

Prev Joke | Next Joke

Joke-of-the-Day Main Page | Joke Archive | C. J. Burke's home page | Mail

This page, and all the pages it has links to, are Copyright 1996-1999 Christopher J. Burke. All rights reserved.
Clinfinition and Hillaryous are trademarks of C. J. Burke's Bill Clinton Joke-of-the-Day Page.
Some of the images seen in these pages originated at the White House home page. Visit them at http://www.whitehouse.gov.