THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, October 27, 2000

Wednesday, October 25, 2000

Impeached president Bill Clinton signed new breast cancer legislation into law. "If there's one thing I care about above all else," said a smiling president, "it's women's breasts."
[C. J. Burke]

Rather than have a public ceremony that would have spotlighted Rep. Rick Lazio (R-NY) who originally sponsored the legislation out of concern for the high breast cancer rates in his native Long Island district, the impeached president signed the bill behind closed doors. Which makes sense, most of his dirty work is done behind closed doors.

A spokesperson said that a public ceremony would have featured Hillary Clinton as well because Hillary was instrumental with this legislation. For instance, she managed to get it signed behind closed doors where Lazio wouldn't be on camera.
[C. J. Burke]

News report: Hillary Clinton made an appearance at the World Series last night!
... Of course, it was only a Halloween mask ...
... wearing a witch's hat ...
... worn by Rep. Rick Lazio.
[C. J. Burke]

Tuesday, October 24, 2000

Al Gore has pledged that should he somehow be elected, he would not expand government by even one person. Regulations, yes. Required "suggested" guidelines, sure. Taxes, giveaways, budgets and programs, absolutely. But no new military personnel.
[C. J. Burke]

The Alpha Gore believes in the acceptance of an equal and alternate lifestyle for homosexuals. The Beta Gore was believed that homosexuality was not natural. And the Epsillion Semimoron Gore thought, "Supporting 'Don't Ask/Don't Tell' for the military will get me the most votes." And that would be just right.

... or maybe that should be "just left."
[C. J. Burke]

(*) -- what else could expect from someone wanting to bring us a Brave New World.

Ever take a look at baseball statistics?
Kind of ironic that the two most important columns are W and aL.
whoops, that should be "L", what an embarrasing typo. 8-)
[C. J. Burke]

Monday, October 23, 2000

Headline: Arafat to Barak -- "Go to Hell"
Luckily for Barak, the road has been freshly paved with Bill Clinton's good intentions.
[C. J. Burke]

The Alpha Gore believes in the right to abortion. The Beta Gore once believed in the sanctity of human life. And the Epsillion Semimoron Gore thought, "Gee, a ban on partial-birth abortion will get me the most votes." And that would be just right.

... or maybe "just right enough to look moderate."
[C. J. Burke]

(*) -- what else could expect from someone wanting to bring us a Brave New World.

Two Secret Service agents stopped for coffee this fine Monday morning. The first said to the other, "Did you watch the games this weekend? Man, I couldn't believe how many broken bats were flying around."
The second replied, "That's nothing. I was guarding the Clintons all weekend. I couldn't believe how many broken lamps and vases were flying around."
[C. J. Burke]

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