THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

One evening, the President quietly slipped out of the White House for a walk, giving his Secret Service detail the slip. While decided where he wanted to go with his free time, someone came up behind him and stuck something into his back.

"I've got a gun. Get into the alley, now." a voice commanded him.

Bill Clinton slowly walked toward the alley, dragging his feet with every step. The gunman didn't know whether his victim was weak-kneed or just being deliberately stubborn. He gave the President a shove, "Is that as fast as you go?"

"I'm complying with your demands," responded the President. Once in the alley, he turned and faced the gunman. Clinton was about to identify himself when he noted that the man with the gun was white and appeared very angry. Figuring that he must be a Republican, he kept his mouth shut.

"Give me your money," the gunman demanded.

"I don't usually have any money on me. I don't remember whether or not I'm carrying some on me."

The gunman pointed downward, "Then what's that bulge in your pants?"

The President smiled, uneasily. "Why that's the same as the bulge in your pants. Just average. No distinguishing characteristics at all. And it doesn't lean to the right." The President then remembered his assailant was probably Republican. "Not that there's anything wrong with leaning right!"

"Shuddap! I meant the bulge in your pocket!"

The President reached into his pocket and pulled out a small roll of bills. "Oh, look. Here's some money for you."

The gunman took it and snarled, "Are you hiding anything else? What else are you holding back."

The President grew testy. "I'm not hiding anything. As soon as I found that cash I immediately turned it over."

The gunman grew suspicious. "Get your hands up over your head. I'm going to search you."

As the President's hands lifted, his sleeves pulled back revealing his gold watch. The gunman's eyes blazed! "I thought you said you weren't hiding anything else."

The President laughed. "Oh, that. I forgot I was wearing that. Besides, you just asked my money. I had no idea you were interested in my watch."

The gunman was noticeably irritated. "That's it, pops!" he yelled as he steadied his gun. "I'm taking you down."

Just then, the gunman was hit hard on the back of the head and fell to the ground. He rolled over to see half a dozen men surrounding him with guns drawn.

"Secret Service! Freeze!"

Bill Clinton composed himself and told the gunman, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your time has run out. Don't worry, Sen. Thompson feels your pain." The President then drew out a business card and threw it at the gunman. "Let me know when you make bail. A nice, enterprising young man like you, maybe you'd like to come over to my place sometime for coffee."

[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

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