THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

President Clinton has vehemently denied that he told former intern Monica Lewinsky to lie. "What I actually said," claims the President, "was to lie down."

[Author wishes to remain anonymous]

Friday, January 23, 1998 -- LATE NIGHT!

Today's headline read: "Clinton Probe Expands". It turned out to be a direct quote attributed to Monica Lewinsky.

[Harvie Griffith, samgriff@worldnet.att.net]

There were a couple more that I liked, but they were a tad over the line (use your imagination) or I just plain forgot them (maybe because they weren't really that funny, or maybe because it took an hour and a half to drove home in that slush that descending on the Northeast.)

Thanks to everyone. For my new readers, I usually take Saturday and Sunday off, but I'll try to be back sometime tomorrow.

Friday, January 23, 1998 -- AFTERNOON!

Monica Lewinsky entered the White House to see Clinton's personal secretary. Hey, if that's what he wants to call it...

Also he usually calls it his Chief of Staff.

[Robin Wyss, rwyss@hotmail.com]

Most people worry about getting AIDS from sex.
Bill Clinton worries about getting sex from aides.

[Submitted by service@citpc.com]

Friday, January 23, 1998 -- LUNCHTIME!

Ironic, isn't it? Lara Tripp is bringing Bill Clinton to his knees instead of the other way around.

[Bob Woll]

Monica Lewinsky told Bill Clinton in the Oval Office that the ceiling needs to be painted.

[Sweetptm@aol.com]

I called out for some scandal names yesterday (see below), and my readers have responded.

• 1. ZipperGate
• 2. TailGate
• 3. Tripp'd Up (mine)
• 4. Naughty-gate (in the European tabloids, sonofagun21@hotmain.com)
• 5. FornuGate (seen in a NYC paper, several people)
• 6. INTERNal Affairs (psteffen@mindspring.com) (Hey, Phil, where should the accent go on "internal"?)

Friday, January 23, 1998 -- MORNING!

Did you hear the President Clinton is supporting a new math curriculum in our nation's schools? He wants everyone to know that 50 can go into 25 without getting five-to-ten.

[ggiaccio@earth.sunlink.net]

Additionally, he wants to remind people that 16 can get you 20.

[cjburke@io.com]

January 15-16, 1997:

Little Billy's willy won't stay down.
But you can't blame willy -- Billy's waving him 'round.
He showed it off to Paula then left town.
Little Billy's willy won't stay down.

Little Billy's willy won't, willy won't, willy won't . . .
Little Billy's willy won't, willy won't, willy won't . . .
Little Billy's willy won't, willy won't, willy won't . . .

Little Billy's willy won't stay down.
But you can't blame willy -- Billy's waving him 'round.
He's showing everybody his pants down.
No wonder Billy's willy won't stay down.

[C. J. Burke]
Note: The preceding was a parody.

August 4, 1997:

[Note: You know, it's a real shame that I couldn't work that title in a punchline, but I've got the next best thing....]

The man that we know as Slick Willy
Groped a volunteer aide, Kathleen Willey.
Do you think we could posit
When they went in the closet
That Willy showed Willey his willy?

[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Thursday, January 22, 1998

And now the most-referenced names for the latest Clinton sex scandal that I've encountered while floating through the airwaves, print and the net:

• 1. ZipperGate
• 2. TailGate
• 3. Tripp'd Up

Did you hear what James Carville said on Larry King last night?
Neither did anyone else -- for the first time in his life, he shut up!

Q: What's the new name for the place where Bill Clinton does his business?
A: The Oral Office.

Q: Why does President Clinton invite so many ladies into his private study?
A: He wants to show them his executive branch.

Bill Clinton: the only man who can turn attention away from one of his sex scandals with another sex scandal!

A question that we pondered on this page not so long ago: Did Slick Willy Show Willie His Willy?

Heard on WGST (Atlanta) radio's Kim Peterson show:
A poll asked 600 women if they would sleep with President Clinton.
82% said, "Not anymore."
[Submitted by psteffen@mindspring.com]

Wednesday, January 21, 1998

For all his talk about the 21st century, it seems that President Clinton is still a little behind the times when it comes to technology. For example, in the latest crime that he's alleged to have committed -- subornation of perjury -- the only evidence gathered by former White House aide Linda Tripp can be summed up as sex, lies, and audiotape.

[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Q: How will Bill Clinton build his bridge to the 21st century?

A: Apparantly, while part of a federal prison work-release program.

[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

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