THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Clinton Sex Scandal -- Week Three!
Friday morning
From the Mail Bag
Did you hear about the new book about the way Ken Starr
gathered evidence from Bill Clinton (who swears he's fully
co-operating)? It's called
"It Takes a Subpoena".
[C. J. Burke, suggested from a note from Bill Feeney,
bfeeney@NOTfloodlight-findings.com - delete the NOT for email]
Clinton broke the 11th Commandment:
Thou shalt not put thy rod in thy staff.
[Philip D. Steffen, psteffen@mindspring.com]
Has anyone considered how prophetic Bob Dylan was when he said, "Even
the
President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked?"
[Phil Hess, pwhess@pcc.edu]
Q: What is Clinton's favorite brand of toothbrush?
A: ORAL B.
[Cheryl Ante, kasama22@halcon.mc.edu.ph]
Thursday morning
Riding Carville
The Ragin' Cajun, James Carville, recently declared war (actually he
declared "waw", whatever that is) on the vast right-wing conspiracy, and
particularly Ken Starr. Starr, according to Carville, has spent four
years and 40 million dollars and "got nothing!"
"Nothing" apparantly includes numerous indictments and
convictions against members of the Clinton administration and his former
business partners. Hey, James, who really "cagin'"
around here?
By the way, is it just me, or when I hear Carville "declare waw" I
expect him to say "I own a mansion and a yacht."
[Think: wabbit season. Get it now?]
[C. J. Burke]
Blast From the Past!
August 9, 1996:
Nursery Rhyme #1:
Twinkle, Twinkle Kenneth
Starr
Twinkle, twinkle Kenneth Starr
Went down south to Arkansas.
To rid it of its foul disease --
Lousy, stinkin' F. O. B. s!
Twinkle, twinkle Kenneth Starr
Cleaning up old Arkansas!
[C.J.B.]
Copyright Christopher J. Burke, August 1996
Wednesday evening
The First Lady?
Hillary Clinton may be the First Lady, but she
certainly isn't the last.
[Gudbrand Haugen, godfire@hotmail.com]
Lewinsky's Favorite Musical
Instrument
Note: In the last two week's, several of Clinton's favorite
instruments have appeared, so for a change of pace..
Q: What is Monica Lewinsky's favorite instrument?
A: Well, she's pretty good on the piano, but she sucked on the
organ.
[Author unknown -- I'm still looking through my
email for this anonymous fellow. Sorry.]
By Popular Demand
Okay, I give up. I'm printing it already.
Q: What does it say on Monica Lewinsky's resume?
A: She spent 18 months on the President's staff.
[submitted by -- too numerous to list]
Wednesday morning
Proper Sin-tax?
Two people sitting at a lunch counter:
"If President Clinton wants to raise money by placing 'sin' taxes on
tobacco and alcohol, why doesn't he place one on condoms?"
"Because the President has never had a smoking or drinking problem."
[Steve Hardy, horseshoer@gowebway.com]
Comparisons
After 100,000 hits in two weeks time, not to mention two phone
interviews and a plug for my page in an Australian newspaper, I think I
can make a couple of comparisons between me and the players in the latest
scandal.
First off, unlike Monica Lewinsky, this page went down for most of
today. No surprise there, it's been getting hit on so often that it
couldn't take it any more. (Neither could the President, so he had to
unzip...)
Second, though I probably shouldn't mention this, this page is a
hobby, not a business. I don't advertise (yet), I pay for this out of my
own pocket. Let me tell you, with all the bandwidth this page is
generating, I'm looking at a big bill this month. Funny thing is that
Monica Lewinsky recently sais the same thing.
And now a joke: Spokesmen for the White House said that they
hoped that this will blow over soon. Of course, that's how this whole
thing got started . . .
[C. J. Burke]
Groundhog's Day
Q: How does the White House know that the latest scandal will
blow over soon?
A: Because the President unzipped his pants and didn't see his
shadow.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
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