THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Valentine's Day, President's Day and Other Stuff

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Clinton the Reader
Q: Did you know the President is an excellent reader?
A: He's quick to turn over a new page.
[C. J. Burke, a twist on a similar, but different, joke sent in by several people.]

Monica's Position
Monica Lewinsky has been keeping a low profile lately. Between the presidential scandal and the people blaming her for the impending showdown with Saddam Hussein, she's found herself between Iraq and a hard place.
[Edited from a joke from Chuck Horton, chuck@wave.net]

So after it's exclusive coverage of the Ohio conference, is it any wonder that it's known as Clinton News Network?
The ironic part was that the speakers were Albright, Berger, and Cohen.

A Belated Valentine's Joke
Note: This actually arrived in time for Valentine's Day, I just didn't get to until this week.
Q: Do you know why President Clinton looks so tired lately?
A: Because he's been up all night writing out his Valentines.
[Granny JoJo, Joan Leslie Otto, leslie@freeway.net]

Thursday

Sorry, I was laughing so hard at the President's special conference in Ohio that I couldn't make a joke for the day.

Wednesday

Clinton's Favorite Figure Skater
We all know that President Clinton pays a lot of attention to figures -- and I'm not talking about the budget -- but who is his favorite Olympic figure skater?
A: Irina Slutskaya, the Russian skater who finishedd fifth in the short program. I am not making this name up.
[C. J. Burke]
Right Wing Conspiracy?
Note: the following was a Letter to the Editor in the New York Daily News.
It's a crying shame that those meanspirited right-wing conspirators keep pulling down Clinton's trousers every time he's alone with a young lady. Robert E. Link
[Submitted by C. J. Burke]
Attention! Right-Wing Conspirators!
I am personally ticked off that no one has invited me to any of the meetings!

Tuesday Afternoon

Inspections! Inspections!
At a recent press conference, President Clinton reiterated that any compromise with Iraq must include allowing inspections of all facilites. And if an agreement was not reached soon, the military stands ready to act.
When asked when the press and public could inspect the White House logs pertaining to Monica Lewinsky's visits, he said they were unavailable.
[C. J. Burke]
Actually, the problem was that the inspectors went to the factories, the chemical and biological arms had only been misplaced. They will probably turn up soon in one of the Saddam's residences. Hey, maybe Clinton does know something about strategy and tactics.
[C. J. Burke]

Tuesday morning

All the President's Men
President Clinton says he will stand firmly behind Interior Secretary Bruce Babbitt.
Watch out, Bruce! Don't drop the soap.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Q: How do you say Clinton in Spanish?
A: Cisneros.
[submitted by many people]

President's Day!
From Joanne Summers, josummers@worldnet.att.net:
So Presidents Day is coming up. Does that mean we have to cheat on our spouse?
From RAMMEL, rammel@cyburban.com:
In honor of our current President, I think we should walk around on President's Day with our zippers at half staff.
Innocent Until Proven Guilty
I've been hearing a lot of people complain on the news, on talk radio, and in my own email, "Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? Was Clinton tried yet and someone didn't tell me?"
Maybe these people have a point. Maybe I should change my opinion. Maybe I should, from now on, give Clinton as least as much benefit of the doubt as I gave, say, O. J. Simpson.
But would that be fair to O. J.?
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

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