THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Disney, Devils, and Skiing
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Overheard at the Time 75th Birthday Party
Our hidden microphone has picked up the following snippets of
conversation at the Time Magazine 75th Birthday party
bash at Radio City Music Hall in New York City.
- "Making it look like a skiing accident didn't work. Hey, wait
a minute! Isn't that Dr. Kevorkian?"
- "Actually, Mr. President, she may like to sleep in the Lincoln
bedroon, but
word is that Jodie is more interested
in Hillary."
- "Hey, William Ginsburg! Is that your
brand, new gold Rolex watch that just dropped on the table
mysteriously?"
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
A Blast From the Past
December 3, 1996:
Clinfinition(tm): Ice on the Moon
What you get when you drop your pants and do it in the snow.
[C. J. Burke]
Thursday
Obeying the Law
Responding to a question from Sam Donaldson concerning leaks in the
Paula Jones case, President Clinton said that the judge has a gag order
on the case and that to talk about the case would be against the law.
"And I must obey the law."
President Clinton was then rumored to have mumbled, "Sooner or
later."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
I wonder if he had his fingers crossed, too.
Wednesday
Debutantes
Q: Why does President Clinton have a preference for
debutantes?
A: He saw some walking with books on their heads and thought, "Wow,
I'd have something to read!"
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Tuesday
21 Gun Salute
Did you hear that if the President is removed from office, he'll
get a 21 gun salute? One for every candle on Monica's
birthday cake.
[C. J. Burke]
From the Mail Bag
From suncontrol@serv2.fwi.com
I bet Clinton wishes his only problem was not knowing how to spell potato.
I wouldn't be surprised to learn Bill is the father of Murphy Brown's baby!
From: Robert G. Wooten, rgwooten@avana.net
The White House explained that the physical relationship between the
President and Monica Lewinsky involved only kissing. I'll buy that - but
what was being kissed?
From: frank solis, fsolis@webtv.net
Clinton's interest in interns is to advance them as rapidly as possible
in government operations. In only a few months, Monica Lewinski
progressed from a mail clerk to debiefing the President.
Yeah, but why did she need Top Secret clearance?
It appears what she saw was no secret to half of Washington. The
female half. [CJB]
From suncontrol@serv2.fwi.com
Sorry Bill. Hillary survived the slopes!
Monday afternoon
According to Quayle:
Biloxi, Miss, 2/27/98:
"My friends, I'm proud to announce that I have a very tough
anti-crime proposal for our party. And here is the centerpiece of our
anti-crime plank: three interns and you're out."
[Submitted by cjburke@io.com]
Monday morning
Clintons Hits the Books
The Top Five Things President Clinton Read While His Family Was
Skiing
5. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
4. Take-out menus
3. Sporting Good catalogue -- dog-eared the page with
the kneepads.
2. The tags inside the maid's underwear.
1. Howard Stern's Private Parts.
Q: What book was he most disappointed in?
A: Moby Dick, it was nothing like the movie version
he rented back in Hot Springs.
[C. J. Burke]
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