THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Rubber, Glue, Presidential Plagiarism and Apologies, Teen Pregnancy and the President's Staff

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, May 1, 1998


The President's Staff

Did you hear that the President is enlarging his staff?
Yes, he just got a shipment of Viagra.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Thursday, April 30, 1998


Teen Pregnancy Declines

A newly released study from the National Center for Health Statistics reports that between 1991 and 1995, the number of teenaged women giving birth declined 8%. The Center credits less sex, greater use of contraceptives and President Clinton's continuing legal troubles.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

By Popular Demand: the Land of Oz

President Clinton and two other people, doesn't really matter who, get transported to the Land of Oz.
. . . yada yada yada . . . "I'll ask the wizard for a brain."
. . . yada yada yada . . . "I'll ask the wizard for a heart."
. . . yada yada yada . . . "Where's Dorothy?"
[Submitted by several hundred readers over the last two years, and several dozen times in the last month.]

Wednesday, April 29, 1998


Presidential Apologies

At the White House Correspondents dinner, President Clinton made fun of the fact that he apologizes for things that he had nothing to do with, such as slavery and bombing Hiroshima, by joking that he was sorry for several other things he had nothing to do with, like disco.
However, he couldn't apologize to Paula Jones because that didn't qualify.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
By Popular Demand: the Armband

Okay, I give up, I'll print it. Please stop sending it!
At a recent press conference, the President appeared with a pair of women's panties wrapped around his arm like an armband. When asked about it, he replied, "Oh, that. It's a "Patch". I'm trying to quit."
[Submitted by many readers, attributed to Rush Limbaugh, though some have claimed it to be their own]

Tuesday, April 28, 1998


Presidential Plagiarism

Sorry, I don't have a joke today, just an observation that no one else seems to have picked up on . . .

President Clinton quipped at the White House Correspondents dinner this past weekend that he hadn't had time for the news much since the Pope's trip to Cuba and he wondered if he had missed anything.

That would have been a funny line had I not heard it once before . . .
A few years back on the MTV Music Awards . . .
Uttered by Pee Wee Herman.

Hmmm, I guess that was an appropriate remark for the President to make considering how much the two of them have in common.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Monday, April 27, 1998


Rubber and Glue

Asked about Rep. Dan Burton's recent remarks, the President responded, "Well, I'm rubber and he's glue."
When reached for a comment, the Congressman replied, "I'm glad he agrees with me."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Quotes of the Week

"You just have to blow it off and think about something else"
-- Bill Clinton
"That's the same thing he said to me."
-- Monica Lewinsky
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

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