THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Watergate, Watergate, Watergate . . .
and Other Stuff

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, May 8, 1998


Hillary and Palestine

While speaking at a youth conference for Mideast peace, Hillary Clinton announced her support for a Palestinian state. Spinners at the White House quickly pointed out that the First Lady wasn't quoting any ``official'' policy and that she isn't a government policy maker, except in the case of healthcare. In summary, Hillary's ''personal'' opinion doesn't speak for the President.
To which, Mrs. Clinton replied, "Not yet."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]


Thursday, May 7, 1998


Invasion of Privacy

At a news conference with Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi, President Clinton, in reference to the released Hubbell tapes, said:
'' Well, I think it was clearly a violation of privacy of Mr. and Mrs. Hubbell for the tapes to be released.''
And then, for emphasis, added, "And trust me, I ought to know."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

McCurry on Watergate

At a recent conference, Mike McCurry was asked about Watergate. His reply was:
``I don't think he's worried about any parallels to Watergate because there are none. In the case of Watergate, crimes were committed, as you may recall.''
The follow-up question was, "And that would differ how?"
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Clinton's Mission: Impossible

President Clinton doesn't have much to worry about Betty Currie's testimony before the grand jury. He's been assured that if any of the intern were caught with him, his secretary would disavow any knoweldge of his actions.
[Anonymous submission]


Wednesday, May 6, 1998


Hubbell Telescope Troubles

NASA has announced new troubles for the beleaguered Hubbell Telescope. The telescope, originally thought to be able to give insight to the mysteries central to the universe, has rolled over into a different orbit. It is now endangered from the many objects in space. "It's feeling a squeeze play." NASA officials think that the simplest solution, which won't open up the problem to any of the other satellites, would be for Hubbell to roll over again without involving anyone else.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]


Tuesday, May 5, 1998


Chelsea's Boyfriend

The President met daughter Chelsea's new boyfriend recently. Mr. Clinton took a special interest in the Stanford swimmer after discovering that his specialty was the butterfly stroke. This is only natural considering that Bill Clinton has stroked quite a few butterflies in his time.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Too bad he doesn't compete in the breaststroke. But then the Secret Service would be all over him.

Just Wondering . . .

Does anyone else out there wonder that if Bill Clinton had had a son instead of a daughter, he'd be sharing girlfriends with him by now?


Monday, May 4, 1998


Near-death Experience

President Bush and Clinton have both had near-death experiences.
Bush was shot down in World War II. And Hillary came home early one afternoon.
[Submitted by Joseph Priestly]

Movie About Clinton

Matt Drudge has reported that President Clinton was recently reminded of the surveillance cameras in the White House, including the Oval Office.

Coming this summer to a Congressional hearing near you: "sex, lies and videotape".
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]


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