THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Dr. Hillary, Miss Universe, Sinatra and more

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, May 15, 1998


Clinton's Top Sinatra Memories

8. Strangers in the Night, Interns on the Desk.

7. Requesting a song for Paula Jones: "The Lady is a Tramp"

6. Sending the same song out for Kathleen Willey. And Gennifer Flowers. And Linda Tripp . . .

5. "We Three": No comment.

4. "You'll Never Know", the ode to Executive privilege

3. Posing in his bathing suit with Hillary so that "People Will Say We're In Love"

2. Love and Marriage, they don't necessarily mean the same thing.

1. Telling Congress, Do it "My Way"!
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]


Thursday, May 14, 1998


Miss Universe

President Bill Clinton took time out last night to view the Miss Universe Pageant and watched as the winner was crowned: Miss Trinidad and Tabago Wendy Fitzwilliam.
At which point, President Clinton exclaimed, "I bet she does! And I'd like to find out!"
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Wednesday, May 13, 1998


Hit or Missile

Contradictory Pentagon reports aside, President Clinton has assured everyone in the United States that they can go to bed knowing that there are no Chinese missiles pointing at them. And given that the President in currently in Germany, every woman in the United States can go to bed knowing that his missile isn't pointing at any of them either.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Tuesday, May 12, 1998


Leisure Time

Last night in New York City, Hillary Clinton took in a ballet at the Met in Lincoln Center. Meanwhile, back in Washington, President Clinton took in a ballet dancer that he met in the Lincoln Bedroom.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]


Monday, May 11, 1998


Hillary at Howard U.

As the rain poured down atop the commencement excercises at Howard University in Washington yesterday, First Lady Hillary Clinton abandoned her 11-page statement and chose, instead, to give the graduates a quick send-off. Believed to have been cut for her prepared text were two key ingredients to getting ahead in life: "Marry a man you can blackmail for the rest of his like." and "Always stay one step ahead of the law."

A copy of the missing speech was later found in the First Lady's private residence. No one knows how it got there.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Hillary the Doctor

Hillary Clinton was awarded an honorary doctor of law degree from Howard University yesterday. It was bestowed upon her as recognition of the First Lady's abilities and achievements to doctor the laws in the past.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]


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