THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, May 22, 1998

Thursday, May 21, 1998

On Friday, May 22, 1998, McDonald's starts its second promotional giveaway of Teenie Beanie Babies. People across the country are waiting for their chance to get the much-sought-after toys while owners and operators are gearing up for the huge demand.
In Washington, D.C., the scene looked like this:
Unknown Voice #1: Have someone standing by the minute the doors open. I want 40 Happy Meals A.S.A.P.
Unknown Voice #2: Mr. President, the rules have been changed this time. You don't need to purchase a Happy Meal to get the toys.
Unknown Voice #1: What toys?
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

• "I will not raise taxes on the middle class."
• "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky."
• "I did not sell missile technology to China to get re-elected."

A blast from the past: Here's an old list of Clinton scandals from A to Z. It's a couple of years old, but it reads like today's news. I haven't updated it. I can't -- it's not mine. It's from the New York Post.

Wednesday, May 20, 1998

Newt Gingrich has urged President Clinton to postpone his upcoming trip to China unless questions about the latest scandal are settled.
The President replied that he'd like to postpone it, but cannot because "the boss ordered me to report in."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Tuesday, May 19, 1998

I believe the time has come to start comparing President Bill Clinton with screen actor Claude Rains. Not because Clinton was The Invisible Man in the China connection, but because he appears to be shocked -- shocked -- to find that the Chinese military donated to his campaign and received missile technology in return.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
[Note: for anyone who doesn't "get" today's commentary, rent Casablanca; if you did "get" it, rent the movie anyway. Great flick. CJB]

Monday, May 18, 1998

7. Some Chinese friends came over one Thursday, watched Seinfeld, had some munchies, yada, yada, yada . . . We all left happy.

6. "I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky -- Not that there's anything wrong with that.

5. He guessed Dolores's name the instant she said it rhymed with a part of the female anatomy.

4. He was saddened when George's future wife tragically passed away from something silly like poisonous envelopes. Further saddened that such envelopes couldn't be found for use in the First Lady's office.

3. He would have won 'The Contest'.

2. The show was the inspiration for the dry Clinton salutation: "Hello, Newt."

1. A Kennedy got the virgin.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

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