THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, May 29, 1998

Today's Topic: May Have
According to William Ginsburg, Ken Starr may have uncovered a sexual affair between two consenting adults. It is implied that these two adults may have been President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. But then again, maybe not. You can't tell one way or another from may have and, therefore, you can't be sue over it. And it makes a great sound bite.

In honor of William Ginsburg, the Clinton Joke-of-the-Day Page proudly presents our favorite Clinton headlines. Remember the key words in each:

• Bill Clinton may have read 900 FBI files.
• Hillary Clinton may have taken a $100,000 bribe.
• Webster Hubbell may have to roll over for Clinton one more time.
• Bill Clinton may have exposed himself to Paula Corbin Jones.
• Bill Clinton may have fondled Kathleen Willey.
• Bill Clinton may have slept with Elizabeth Ward Gracen.
• Bill Clinton may have had a 12-year affair with Genifer Flowers.
• Bill Clinton may have only had an 11-and-a-half year affair with her.
• Vince Foster may have committed suicide.
• His body may have been moved.
• Ron Brown may have been murdered.
• Bill Clinton may have more knowledge about these events than he's telling us.
• Bill Clinton may have sold out our national security to the Chinese.
• On the other hand, Bill Clinton may have simply been an unsuspecting dupe.
• Bill Clinton may have committed treason.

Send in your top five May Have headlines. I'll print the best ones sometime next week. Please, no more than five. Let's not flood the mailbox and let's not get trivial.

Thursday Afternoon: May 28, 1998

Clinton on Pakistan's nuclear testing:
"It doesn't matter that they weren't first. Two wrongs don't make a right."

Clinton on selling out our national security to China:
"Reagan and Bush did it first!"
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Thursday, May 28, 1998

Q: What do you get when you cross Janet Reno with a pit bull?
A: One ugly pit bull.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Previous Pit Bull jokes:

• Al Gore
• Bill Clinton
• Chester James Carville

Wednesday, May 27, 1998

With trouble brewing in Indonesia, President Clinton has ordered amphibious troops into the region. They have orders to protect all Lippo Group holdings.
[Submitted by C. J. Burke, from a caller to (Sean) "Hannity's Insanity" on WABC-NY.]

Tuesday, May 26, 1998

Top Democrats in the House today announced their shock and disgust that the summer blockbuster movie, Godzilla, lost forty-five million dollars this holiday weekend.

Complained one representative: "It was expected to bring in over 100 million in the six-day 'weekend'. Instead, it only got 55. That's obscene. How can it survive with such draconian cuts?"

The Democratic leadership blamed the G.O.P. for not spending more money for desperately needed Godzilla tickets, and said that more poor children would have seen the movie if they hadn't had to pay for their own school lunches.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Monday, May 25, 1998

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