Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.
Friday, June 5, 1998
With Lewinsky matter and the Chinese scandal both coming to a head at
the same time, it was bound to take its toll on the President.
Yesterday, it was reported, a confused Bill Clinton fondled one
interns from Steno Pool A and two for Steno B.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Thursday, June 4, 1998
The Top Seven Things The Secret Service May Have Overheard
7. "Attention, all female employees! The First Lady
has left the building!"
6. "Do you want to know what I love to put Duck Sauce
on the most?"
5. "I'd love to help you out, but I'm afraid my mind's
been on the poor Democrat National Committee? It's so sad how broke they
are."
4. "Hillary? Hillary who?"
3. "Oops. She left her handbag here. I wonder what she
carries in it . . . Condoms! Hot dog!"
2. "I know you're here to lobby, but how'd you like
to check out my basement?"
1. "Don't worry about them watching us, honey. They're
sworn to protect me."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Wednesday, June 3, 1998
The Clinton camp yesterday debated buying new legal help. Lewinsky's.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Tuesday, June 2, 1998
With a trickle of foam escaping from his mouth, Chester J. Carville
was quoted as saying, "Three years, 40 million dollars and they got
nuthin'. Four years, 60 million dollars and they got nothing. Eight
years, 100 million dollars and they got nothing . . . blather, blather,
blather, blather. . . .
"If they had something, where is it? Why is it taking so long. They
should put an end to this outrage. The American people should put an end
to this outrage. Congress should put an end to this outrage. It's gone
on too long. Cost too much. When's it gonna end? They got nothing. . . "
Editor's note: That's the truncated edition. When couldn't report
the complete transcript because it's been reported that Chester hasn't
shut up yet.
In a related story: Clinton's lawyers filed a delaying tactic on the
grounds of attorney-client privilege and have asked the Supreme Court not
to supercede the appeals court but that wouldn't waste enough time.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Monday, June 1, 1998
The Executive Branch was rocked this weekend by two pieces of shocking
news. First, the President found out that Ginger Spice wouldn't be at
the upcoming Spice Girls concert or the backstage party that he's throwing
for them. Then, he received word that Cindy Crawford got married.
Finding a silver lining in these dark clouds, a Clinton spokesman
said, "It's not like she's dead. She's only married, which isn't a big
obstacle." No word on a private party for Ginger Spice.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Click here for an important note.
This page, and all the pages it has links to, are Copyright 1996-1998, Christopher J. Burke. All rights reserved.