THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Democrat Tax Hikes, Gore, Carville, and Tobacco

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, June 26, 1998


If You Give A Democrat A Tax Hike

Note: there is a charming children's book, "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie", by Laura Joffe Numeroof, with delightful illustrations by Felicia Bond, that inspired this. I apologize in advance to both of them.

If You Give A Democrat a Tax Hike

If you give a Democrat a Tax Hike,

he'll probably want to spend it.

If you argue with him about it,

he'll say it's for the children.

He'll call you a puppet of the rich or
in the pocket of your fat cat contributors.

He'll have his friends in the media call you "mean".

He may even go on T.V. himself and tell the pundits
that you don't "care".

And you may start to feel bad about that.

You may even think that he may be right. And you
might care more that people think you "don't care"
than care about what' important.

You may even go so far as to propose your own legislation
that outspends the Democrat.

But if you do,
the Democrat will ask how you're going to pay for that.

And chances are pretty good,
that if a Democrat needs to pay for something

He's going want to hike taxes.

[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com
with apologies to Joffe and Bond]

Wednesday, June 24, 1998


Millenium Bug

First everyone started calling the new telecommunications "fee" the Gore tax. Now, everyone's is blaming the self-proclaimed techo-savvy guru of technology for not doing more about the millenium bug and the government's computer systems.
Says Al Gore, "Oh, great. Now I have another Year 2000 problem."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

The Millenium bug really is taking its toll on Gore. Due to a computer glitch, he just received a truckload of campaign buttons, reading

GORE 00

[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]


Tuesday, June 23, 1998


Carville's Enemies List

James Carville has denied that he has an enemies list . . .
He doesn't have it. He turned it over to Clinton a long time ago.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

It Takes A Crook . . . ?

We now know that President Richard Nixon was obsessed over Whitewater and was disgusted that the GOP didn't go after Clinton with all the verve and vigor that the Democrats persued him. But he didn't like comparisons between Watergate and Whitewater. For one thing, no one profitted in Watergate and there was no body count.

By the way, Nixon believed that whatever caused Vince Foster's death was probably bigger than anything we've seen and should've toppled Clinton right there.

(No, this wasn't a joke, but I stumbled across this and thought I'd share it with you.)


Monday, June 22, 1998


Could it be . . . "Tobacco Money"?

Q: What do you call the money used to fund new pet programs and brand-new layers of bureaucrcay when its collected through higher taxes on an industry you abhore?
A: Cede money.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]


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