THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Starrs! Movies; NYC Cops, Prostitutes, and Porn, Wet T-Shirts,
Jerry Springer and so much more
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, July 24, 1998
Clinton: the Next Jerry Springer
News Item: Jay Severin, politcal analyst, said on MSNBC that if
Ken Starr were a TV program, he'd be the nightly news, concerned with
bringing you the facts. But if Bill Clinton were a TV program, he'd
be Jerry Springer . . .
On the next Bill Clinton . . .
I Fondled Her in the Study While Her Husband Committed
Suicide
And coming up next week:
Women Who Can Suck Tennis Balls Through Garden Hoses . . .
. . . and I Ought to Know!
-- and --
My Politics Lean to the Left
But My Commander-in-Chief Leans
to the Right
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Thursday, July 23, 1998
Wet T-Shirts at 25,000 Feet
News Item:
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) _ A high school charter flight to Mexico turned
into ``Animal House'' at 25,000 feet when a crew member and howling boys
staged a wet T-shirt contest, with girls dancing in the aisle and
parading into the cockpit.
The trip has triggered a Federal Aviation Administration investigation
and a state probe of the company that organized the trip.
There have also been calls from the White House for the company to
plan upcoming flights on Air Force One.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Wednesday, July 22, 1998
Clinton (Joke) Threesome
Secret Service Testifies
News Item: Several uniformed agents of the Secret Service
arrived before the grand jury . . .
Considering how the Clinton spin cycle insists that they are
trained to not notice anything, maybe they should be referred to
as uninformed agents.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
NYC Police Caught in Prostitution
Scam
Up to 40 New York City Police officers will face deparmental and
possible criminal charges in a decade-long scam that traded sex for
protection with a local brothel.
A spokesman for the officers said, "It's just a matter between the
officers and their wives. What's the big deal? Look at the big drop in
crime in New York City in the last five years. I think it would be best
if we just let these officers get back to their duty of protecting the
people of New York."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
New York Mayor To Closed Adult
Bookshops
Mayor Rudy Guiliani has vowed to close all the adult bookshops, video
stores and strip clubs that don't comply with new zoning legislation that
has withstood every legal challenge so far.
Lawyers for the adult industry have one last appeal and are going to
the highest court in the land. "Mr. President, when you come to the city,
wouldn't you like to have something to read?"
Tuesday, July 21, 1998
More Starr's! Movie Channel
As the Whitewater/Filegate/etc./etc./etc. investigation continues,
Kenneth Starr's Movie Channel gets more top hits!
The latest:
10. Young Mr. Lincoln's Bedroom
9. An Intern and a Gentleman
8. A Trie Grows in Washington
7. The China Syndrome
6. Who Framed Roger Altman
5. Schindler's Database
4. A Woman for All Seasons
3. Waiting to Inhale
2. A River Runs Through It So It's A Wetland
1. Guess Who's Coming to Coffee
*FLASH*
Last year's hit is being rereleased as "All the President's Interns"
(C) 1998 by Paul F Reah
OK for free distribution as long as this copyright notice is attached
All other distribution disallowed without working out terms with copyright
owner.
Monday, July 20, 1998
Starr's! Movie Channel
Who needs the "Starz" Movie Channel? We've got "Kenneth Starr's"
Movie Channel!
The top 10 movies on KSMC last week:
10. All of the President's Men, Women, and other
military members
9. Dances with Mummies
8. Starr Trek II - The Wrath of Huang
7. Mr. MacDougal Goes to Washington
6. Whitewaterworld
5. The American President's Husband
4. Pennies From Indonesia
3. Back to the Cattle Futures
2. Illegal Alien III
1. Raiders of the Lost Files
*FLASH*
Coming soon to a cable station near you - Janet Reno's Movie
Channel, featuring 24 hours of silence each and every day!
(C) 1998 by Paul F Reah,
pfreah@earthlink.net
About the Senate
Q: What does Bill Clinton have to worry about in the Senate?
A: A Lott.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
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