THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, August 28, 1998

Clinton had had a bad day and he had been reading another piece of bad news when Monica had walked in. "What's wrong?" she asked. Clinton replied, "The household budget is over its limit and I have to deflate my staff." "Is there anything I can do?" she asked.
The President thought a moment and said, "Yeah, you can sack my cook."
[Anonymous]

From "moxies", (moxies@centuryinter.net):
Do you think we will see Clinton at Moorehead, Carolina giving away aid?

Thursday, August 27, 1998

Wednesday, August 26, 1998

Tuesday, August 25, 1998

From: Burke Day (Day@Representative.com)
Pollsters claim it was women voting Clinton into office and it was women that blew him out of office.
Hoover dammed; Clinton moaned.
Imagine the newest vacumns on the market: "Vacumns by Monica: Don't Be a sucker, get it here."
--Rep. Burke Day Note: Rep. Burke Day is a member of the Georgia State Legislature, and a frequent contributor to this page. Any other elected officials can to submit their own jokes? -- CJB

From: tw46@erols.com
So much for the "Close but no cigar defense."
Curio46

From: Scott Langford (racefans@myweb.net)
Subject: Home Run Chase
I liked your comparison of Slick Willie to the Home Run Race of McGwire,Sosa,and Griffey. However, maybe a more relevant baseball comparison would have been to Houston Astro pitcher Randy "Big Unit" Johnson. Clinton could use: Bill"Crooked Unit" Clinton.
Wayne Note: "Big Unit" Johnson? Wasn't that Clinton's nickname in college? -- CJB

Monday, August 24, 1998

Last week President Clinton celebrated his 52nd birthday, which co-incidentally is the same number of cards in a pack of playing cards. Which is ironic because many don't believe that Bill Clinton is playing with a full deck. On the other hand, he's definitely the biggest joker to occupy the Oval Office in years.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Thursday, August 20, 1998

Things that you didn't hear unless you listened between the lines:

"I take full responsibility for my actions, but I blame Ken Starr."

"This is a matter between my wife, my daughter, Miss Lewinski, Gennifer Flowers, Dolly Kyle Browning, Elizabeth Ward Gracen, the Arkansas hooker who's raising my illegitimate son in Austalia, Paula Jones, Kathleen Willey and my God."

"President's have private lives, too. That includes shagging interns on the Great Seal in the Oval Office."

This investigation has "gone on too long, cost too much, and hurt too many innocent people, which is why I'm glad that James Carville is on my side."

"It's time to stop prying into private lives, and anyone that continues to do so will have their FBI records released to the public."

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I am not a crook."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Click here for an important note.