THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Lie Detectors, Smoking Guns, Cigars, Baseball and Popular
Punchlines
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Thursday, September 24, 1998
Most Submitted Jokes
Note: from time to time, I use jokes that readers send me. This
leads more readers to send me jokes -- many times the same jokes that
others are sending. When I don't use these jokes, they get sent to me
even more often as people assume that I must not have heard them yet.
This isn't always true, however, I've received jokes that were used
on this page in a previous week. And I've even gotten jokes that were
still on this page when they were sent. So without
further ado, here are some more jokes that I've heard
but probably won't use . . .
- Says St. Peter, "We use that one as a fan."
- Titanic #1: "We know how many yada yada yada . . . "
- Titanic #2: Clinton says, "Do you think we have time?"
- "Close, but no cigar." (I printed this one two weeks ago!)
- His whore-monica. (I used this one six months ago!!)
- "Where's Dorothy?"
- Dan Quayle -- he's the only one who knew that "harass" was one word.
- The pilot says: "Why don't you all jump out and make every one happy."
- "Now you open your mouth."
- And then there were a number of jokes that involve the word "swallow",
- and I'm not referring to the bird.
[Submitted by everybody]
Hopefully, my computer troubles will clear up and there will be a
real joke here tomorrow.
Wednesday, September 23, 1998
Clinton Lie Detector
Q: Why can't Bill Clinton take a lie detector test?
A: Because you need a truthful response to establish a baseline.
[bruce.drotleff@trw.com, from
comments made by one of the callers to the Rush
Limbaugh radio program, 9/21/98]
Tuesday, September 22, 1998
No Smoking Gun
News analysts are reporting that there was no smoking gun
in the President's videotaped grand jury testimony.
Of course, one wasn't expected as it might have caused Ms. Lewinsky
third degree burns in a very sensitive area.
[C. J. Burke]
About That Cigar
Q: Mr. President, why did you do that with the cigar in the Oval
Office?
A: Well, Hillary won't let me smoke them in the Oval Office.
[C. J. Burke]
Monday, September 21, 1998
We're Talking Baseball . . .
I was thinking the other day that McGwire has 65 home runs, Sosa has hit
over 63 homeruns, and the president has had "69" liasons with Monica.
[Submitted by an *anonymous* Baptist minister]
Click here for an important note.
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