THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

The 10 Commandments, Ben & Jerry, Carville, Interns and Sex

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, October 2, 1998

Bill Clinton's Ten Commandments
The following are the Ten Commandments as Bill Clinton understands them to mean. All his moral actions are legally accurate...

I. You shall have no other gods before me.
"No problem. Um, that doesn't inlcude money, right, God?"

II. You shall not make for yourself a carved image...you shall not bow down to them nor serve them.
"No, no, no. Never. She served me."

III. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
"Never. Not in public, anyway."

IV. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
"I go to Church every Sunday, right after I'm done with Monica."

V. Honor your father and mother.
"Absolutely. I believe this as sure as I was born William Jefferson Clinton."

VI. You shall not murder.
"No comment."

VII. You shall not commit adultery.
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman . . . "

VIII. You shall not steal.
"It's not stealing if the government pays them all back."

IX. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
"It doesn't amount to perjury. It fit the legal definition."

X. You shall not covet your neighbor's house...nor anything that is your neighbor's.
"Hey, Kathleen Willey was a widow when I hit on her. She wasn't my neighbor's spouse or anything. Besides, I didn't live anywhere near them . . . "

[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Thursday, October 1, 1998

Ben & Jerry's Flavors
Ben & Jerry's has unveiled a host of new Clinton-inspired flavors. They include:

Slick Willie
Chunky Monkey
Double Nut Joy
Subpoenas 'n' Cream
Impeach-Mint
Candy Pants
Chocolate Chip Doughboy
Chilly Hillbilly
Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl
Vanilla
Pantsachio
Subpoena Colada
Biscuits 'n' Gravy
Horny Bubba Crunch
Arkansas Peach
Subpoena Butter Cup
Peppermint Fattie
Captain Cream
Fat Ass
Tubby Bubba
Hillary Chiller
Fundraising Coffee
Oval Office Surprise
Arkansas Smoothie
Hyperactive Nuts
Scandalberry

[Submitted by marty.greene@amd.com]
Former Intern #1
Q: What did President Clinton say when he was informed that one of his former interns was gunned down in Starbucks?
A: "Whoops, wrong intern."
[C. J. Burke]

Wednesday, September 30, 1998

Cpl. Cue Ball
Self-described "Cpl. Cue Ball Carville" has declared "waw" (that's how he says it) for a second time. The Ragin' Cajum maintains that this is all an invasion into President Clinton's private life and adds, "His South shall rise again."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

! ! B L A S T * F R O M * T H E * P A S T ! !

The following used to be the intro at the top of this page in early 1997:

Dedicated to the man that could bring the leaders of Israel and Palestine together, put 100,000 new cops on the streets, end welfare as we know it . . .

. . . but can't put a muzzle on James Carville.

Tuesday, September 29, 1998

The Lucy Connection
Q: What do Lucille Ball and Monica Lewinsky have in common?
A: They've both had sex with a Cuban.
[Submitted by a half-dozen people. Please stop now.]

Monday, September 28, 1998

Sex in the Oval Office

The President was asked, now that his approval numbers are going up, how much sex would he have in the Oval Office.
His response, "More rather than less."
When could we expect to hear about it?
"Sooner rather than later."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

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