Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.
Friday, November 13, 1998
He also called up Chelsea and told her to be sure to step on a bunch
of cracks.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Thursday, November 12, 1998
President Clinton gave Saddam another final warning yesterday and
informed him that his behavior would not be tolerated.
Saddam fired back, "Gee, isn't that what Newt told you? Where is
he now?"
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Wednesday, November 11, 1998
I'd like to use this space today to wish a Happy Veterans Day to every soldier and sailor who did their job in defending our country and protecting the world, from the lowliest private right up to the commander-in-chie--
Hmmm, strike that last part for this year. Maybe next year for President Gore.
Tuesday, November 10, 1998
If Jay Leno were a Republican, do you suppose his monologue might go something like this . . .
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Today, the House Judiciary
Committee debated whether lying about Monica Lewinsky was an
impeachable offense like treason and bribery --
-- yeah, like he hasn't done those.
"I mean really. Here's Bill Clinton giving missile technology to the Chinese and the only missiles we're talking about are the flying DNA on Monica's dress.
"Oh, and bribery. Did you hear Clinton's excuse about bribery? He claims for it to be bribery, money has to change hands and all he got was a bunch of hookers. But actually, the biggest hooker of all is the one in his pants! That thing hooks right off to the left. But, hey, at least it won't get caught in his zipper!
"Thank you, ladies and gentleman. You've been great. And next week,
I'll be learning to do the monologue in Mandarin for our new owners."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Monday, November 9, 1998
A report on 60 Minutes declared that smoking
can lead to impotence in men. So it's a good thing that President
Clinton never actually smoked those cigars.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
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