THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Impeachment, Paula, Olympic Graft, etc
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, January 15, 1999
Jones Lawsuit Update!
A few days ago, I made a joke about Clinton sending his settlement
check
to Paula Jones, which ended the matter. When it isn't
over!
The President had his own little joke for Paula. Instead of making
the check out to Ms. Paula Jones, he made it out to Jones, her current
lawyers and all her previous lawyers, all of whom have liens against any
settlement amount. Ergo, the check cannot be cashed. It's meaningless.
Clinton ducks his responsibilities once again.
And people write in and ask how I could dare make fun of this man. I
agree -- it's so tempting to just let him make a fool of himself. He does
it so well.
C. J. Burke
On Pain on Imprisonment
The most intriguing part of the Senate rules for the Impeachment Trial
is that the Senators are required to sit in silence
"on pain of imprisonment".
It was reported that Sen. Chuck Schumer floated up to the ceiling of the
chamber. Said one aide, speaking on condition of anonymity, "he's never
before had to hold in that much hot air for so long."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Take comfort, Senators! After all, President Clinton "feels your
pain".
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Thursday, January 14, 1999
About Young Danny
People are asking how some in the media could be taken in so easily
by the rumors of a Clinton love child with a black Arkansas prostitute
fourteen years ago. Well, considering that the president's middle name
is "Jefferson", it seems only natural that he'd have an illegitimate
child by a poor black woman.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Well, didn't any of you wonder when they announced Jefferson's
illegitimate child right before the election?
Wednesday, January 13, 1999
Clinton Pays Off Paula
The check is in the mail. For real. The Paula Jones lawsuit which
sparked an impeachment seems to have ended now that President Clinton
has mailed a settlement check to Paula Jones. But it isn't over yet.
Sources say that the President forgot to add the extra one-cent
postage
and that the Post Office will deliver it postage due.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Michael Jordan Quits
Stunning the sports world are rumors that Michael Jordan will announce
that he will retire (again) from basketball. He's had a good run and has
decided it's time to pack it in. During his tenure with the Bulls, he's
served as a fine example to our nation's youth.
Now if only his retirement will serve as a fine example to our
nation's
president.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Tuesday, January 12, 1999
At the Auto Show
The latest trend in baby boomer transportaion has been the high-end
pickup. Like vans and sports utility vechicles before them, the pickup
truck
has been discovered and redesigned by boomers to include things
the more traditional owners would never have contemplated --
like heated
seats, brilliant exterior colors and matching tarps to cover the beds.
President Clinton, at an auto show in Detroit last week, noted this
new development and wondered how he'd fit his artificial turf into one.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Olympic Graft
Recent revelations that the International Olympic Committee
may have received cash, goods and sexual favors in return for granting
the 2002 Winter Olympics to Salt Lake City have embarassed and angered
the President. If there were bribes and sex to be had in Utah, he
wanted to know why no one offered him any.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Maybe they were still be angry about that Utah land
grab for his Indonesian pals and the coal group.
Monday, January 11, 1999
Clinton and the Mafia
Q: How are Bill Clinton and Senate Democrats like the Mafia?
A: They don't want any witnesses.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
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