THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Walking Apostle Wreaking Havoc in St. Louis in Closed-Door Sessions --
It's Feul for Thought
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, January 29, 1999
Behind Closed Doors
The Senate has been going into closed-door sessions during the trial,
to deliberate in secrecy. In case you've wondered what's been going on
behind those doors, here's a clue:
The Top 10 Things Overheard From the Closed-Door Sessions
10. "I still have boxes available for the Super
Bowl pool. There's a box for every Senator."
9. "Mr. Chief Justice, the President wishes to
borrow your cool robes for a hot date this weekend."
8. "You show me yours and I'll show you mine."
7. "Which 'house' are the 'House managers' from
again?"
6. "You Republicans better go along with this, or
we'll call you 'partisan'."
5. "The President can censure this."
4. "And furthermore, I believe . . . what? The
C-SPAN camera isn't on? Oh, well, then never mind."
3. "... and then the President said, 'I'm sorry,
but that doesn't rise to the level of my zipper ..."
2. "I request unanimous consent to have the
bowl of Cheetos passed down front."
1. "And Dan Reeves thinks he's seen a
'Dirty Byrd'."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
New Charge Against Monica
Because of the new DNA evidence from the blue dress, new charges have been
brought up against Monica Lewinsky. She is now being charged with lying under
oaf.
[Herb, budalcom@ix.netcom.com]
Thursday, January 28, 1999
The Pope, Bill Clinton and Janet Reno
The answer is: The Pope, Bill Clinton and Janet Reno.
The question: Who are the Good, the Bad and the Ugly?
[from a note sent by Dennis Fultz, dgf221@nls.net]
Fuel for Thought
I don't know where this originated. It was forwarded to me:
[Note: I've gotten dozens of copies, but none have given me a
source for it, either. I'm printing it, please stop submitting it. -- CJB]
A Marine colonel on his way home from work at
the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic
and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual.
Nothing's even moving."
He notices a police officer walking back and forth between
the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks,
"Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"
The Officer replies, "The President is just so
depressed about the impeachment thing he stopped his
motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and
he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline
and set himself on fire.
He says his family hates him and he doesn't have
the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking round
taking up a collection for him".
"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"
"So far only about three hundred gallons but
I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."
[submitted by many]
Wednesday, January 27, 1999
"Walking Apostle"
President Clinton, a few days ago, referred to himself as "a
walking apostle of hope."
Others prefer to think of him as a "Walking Nightmare from Hope."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Great Scott ... No, Dred Scot
The Pope invoked the Supreme Court's Dred Scot decision, which
ruled that slaves were inferior, less than human, and had no rights,
to touch upon the issue of abortion.
In response, the President, who has vetoed all legislation
banning "partial-birth" abortions, said, "You know, maybe all that
will of the American people is overrated."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Tuesday, January 26, 1999
Meet Me in St. Louis
Weather Report for the St. Louis vicinity:
High chance of lightning storms, peaking around the time President
Clinton shakes hands with the Pope.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
While in St. Louis, it's reported that Pope John Paul II might hear
a few confessions. Coffee and pastry will be put out for whoever is
standing second in line. We hear Bill Clinton will be in the confessional
first, so this might take a while.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Any bets on whether he'll attend a Roman Catholic ceremony and
receive Holy Communion like he did in Africa?
Monday, January 25, 1999
Wreaking Havoc
In summing up the President's case against impeachment, the Clinton
team stressed that removing the President would "wreak havoc"
on the rest of the country.
Of course it would. It would leave us with President Gore!
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
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