THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Byrd, Charlie "Crack" Schumer, and Gutless Republicans
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, February 12, 1999
HAPPY LINCOLN'S BIRTHDAY
Happy Birthday to founder of the Republican Party, Abraham Lincoln.
In honor of the birth of the man who freed the slaves, the GOP will
set Bill Clinton free from all the charges against him. Including
the ones that they haven't allowed to be tried.
To the Ladies from Maine
Q: What do you call it when Senators say that they will try
a case, then obstruct the Managers, and then vote to acquit because they
say the Managers didn't prove their case?
A: A Snowe job.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Note to Sen. Olympia Snowe and Sen. Susan Collins: Thank you,
ladies, for setting back women's causes a few decades.
The Donkey and the Elephant
Once there was a donkey and an elephant sitting on top of a hill,
overlooking a meadow of sheep. The elephant said, "I'm going to
run down there and
screw one of those sheep."
The donkey replied, "No, let's walk down there and screw them all."
[Submitted by cjburke@io.com, based on an old joke, and
dedicated to all the sheeple of America]
Thursday, February 11, 1999
The Spectre of Impeachment
President Clinton was asked how it feels to have to spectre of
impeachment hanging over his head.
The President replied, "As long as it's Arlen Specter, it's not
so bad."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Note to Sen. Specter: Enjoy this term in the Senate,
it will be your last. Hey, why don't you run for the presidency in 2000
--
and to make sure you can devote all your efforts, why not resign your
seat now to prepare for it.
Wednesday, February 10, 1999
Democrats Want to Get On With It
The Democrats in the Senate are glad that the impeachment trial
is almost over so they can on with other important business.
Next up: A long vacation break starting next week.
I guess they want to hit the beach running.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Tuesday, February 9, 1999
Charlie "Chuck" Schumer
Note: The following could apply to many of the Democrats in the
Senate, but I've singled out Chuck Schumer for his total lack of integrity
and character both in the House and now in the Senate. He, like Sen. Byrd,
freely admits that the President lied, yet he frees feel to
violate
his oath and ignore the seriousness of the charges before him
so that he can hope to somehow redeem himself on a vote of censure that
will
never come.
The Charlie "Chuck" Schumer Song
(to the tune of Jimmy Crack Corn)
by C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com
Bill told Betty to get the gifts
Or this scandal will cause rifts
He told Vernon Jordan find a job
For his chubby little intern slob.
Bill Clinton lied, and I don't care
So many died, and I don't care
And I told Hyde that I don't care
My master's gonna stay.
Bill then hatched his master plan
To remain the leader of this land.
Dick Morris said, "You're out of luck."
"Then justice," said Bill, "I will obstruct."
A thong was flashed, and I don't care
Ken Starr was bashed, and I don't care
'Cause Bill raised cash so I won't care
And he won't go away.
Hill-a-ry went on "Today"
And threw herself into the fray.
Those accusations -- they can not be
It's a Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy.
The war's begun, and I don't care
The White House spun, and I don't care
And when he's won, I still won't care
'Cause Clinton's gonna stay.
Democrats now jump through hoops
And to the Gulf, Bill sent the troops
The grand jury caught him in a lie
So he let his missiles fly!
Bill bombed Iraq, and I don't care.
Another attack, and I don't care.
I'll turn my back and I won't care
My master's gonna stay.
Bill Clinton jumps, he shoots, he scores,
With all his presidential whores.
He gropes some gals who act like nuns
And then he rapes(*) the other ones.
There's no trade-off, and I don't care.
I've been paid off, so I don't care.
By my Ado'ph, and I don't care
To my master say, "Seig Heil!"
(*) "alleged", of course.
[C. J. Burke]
Monday, February 8, 1999
Dan Reeves Goes to Congress?
Q: What's the difference between the senator from West
Virginia and the head football coach in Atlanta?
A: One's a dirty Byrd, the other lost a Super Bowl.
[C. J. Burke]
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