THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
RIP DiMaggio & Kubrick, Creating the Internet, Splitsville
and Monica's Book Titles
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, March 12, 1999
Monica's Book
Note: this has been floating about for a while before I got it.
The original author is unknown.
Possible Alternate Titles for Lewinsky's New Book
- I Suck At My Job
- What Really Goes Down In The White House
- How I Blew It In Washington
- You Have to Work Hard to Find The Softer Side Of The President
- Clear and Present Danger
- Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule
- Going Back for Gore
- Podium Girl
- Secret Service to the President
- Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill
- Clinton Deep Inside the Oval Office
- The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions
- She's Chief of MY Staff
- Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes
- How To Beat Off The Government
- Going Down and Moving Up
- Members of the Presidential Cabinet
- How To Get Ahead In Business
- Me and My Big Mouth
- I Wore What You Did Last Summer
[author unknown]
Thursday, March 11, 1999
Splitsville!
Matt Drudge has reported that Hillary and Bill are splitsville.
They're separated after the airing of the Juanita Broaddrick rape,
and haven't been together much since the end of their ski vacation.
It had been reported that the vacation ended because the First Lady's
back pain from a prior ski injury. It turns out that it was actually
broken from one too many straws.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Notice how Hillary is only upset that the charges were aired,
not that they were committed in the first place?
He Created the Internet
During my service in the United States Congress, I took
the initiative in creating the Internet.
Al Gore to Wolf Blitzer, 3/10/99, CNN
In case you ever wanted to know who created the Internet.
Co-incidentally, it was then-Gov. Clinton who invented Internet Porn.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Wednesday, March 10, 1999
Hillary: It's Criminal
"It is no longer acceptable to say that the abuse and
mistreatment of women is cultural. It should be called what it is --
criminal."
So even according to Hillary Clinton's March 4 address to the United
Nations about the abuse of women's rights the impeached president is a
criminal. Who says the wife is always the last to know?
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Storm Damage
Impeached President Clinton was down in Nicaragua surveying the damage
done by Hurricane Mitch. He also wanted to steer clear of any damage left
in the wake of Hurricane Monica and the brewing storm surrounding Juanita.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Tuesday, March 9, 1999
RIP Stanley Kubrick
Q: What's the difference between Stanley Kubrick and impeached
President
William J. Clinton?
A: One had his career made with "2001", the other's career will by
over by 2001.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Monday, March 8, 1999
RIP Joe DiMaggio
Note: For those who haven't yet heard the news, Joe
DiMaggio lost his fight with cancer this morning.
The Top Five Differences Between DiMaggio and
Clinton
5. Joe: Yankee Clipper; Bill: Clip and Yank Her.
4. Joe: Hit home runs in Yankee Stadium; Bill:
hit home runs in the Oval Office.
3. Joe: An American hero; Bill: Not.
2. Joe was married to Marilyn Monroe, who slept with
JFK; Clinton sleeps with anyone regardless who they're married to.
1. One made lots of money as Mr. Coffee, the other
was a baseball player.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
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