THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Bombs Away and Through History With Al Gore (I, II and III)

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, March 26, 1999


Plan B

The impeached president was asked what happens if the bombing fails to achieve its objections (not that those have ever been stated). The impeached president replied, "It won't." There is no Plan B.

Now if I have this straight, they're throwing everything they have against him, hoping that the "moral outrage" will force him to capitulate to demands. Unfortunately, it isn't working ... Clinton's hasn't resigned yet.

Now if that didn't work with a stubborn Clinton, why does Clinton think it will work with someone more stubborn than he is. And who has more of his people's support.

Thursday, March 25, 1999


Flooring the President

Do you want to know how to floor the impeached president at a news conference?
Ask him about "Asian penetration".
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Through History With Al Gore, Part III

1776: After flying a kite in the rain and discovering electricity, Al Gore rides his horse through New England, announcing "The British are coming. The British are coming."
1876: "Mr. Gore! Come quickly, I need you!" And with that message, Al Gore helped Alexander Graham Bell invent the telephone. He then broke up Bell's monopoly.
1976: Al Gore is the body double for John Forsythe's "Charlie" on "Charlie's Angels".
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Wednesday, March 24, 1999


BOMBS AWAY!

As of 1:30 pm EST today, NATO forces have begun bombing an area that most Americans couldn't find on a map of the world. Among the NATO forces that will bomb Yugoslavia are Italian and German planes.
Italians and Germans bombing Yugoslavia? Some things never seem to change.

My apologies for a lack of a joke today, but some things are NOT funny.

Tuesday, March 23, 1999


Spring is Here!

Spring is here and no one is happier than the folks at the White House because no longer can the impeached president be referred to as "a'lyin' in winter".
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Through History With Al Gore, Part II

The Charge of the Lightweight V.P.

...
His was not to make reply,
His was not to reason why,
His was but to do and die:
Into the election of Death
Rode the Vice President.
...
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Monday, March 22, 1999


Through History With Al Gore, Part I

In fourteen hundred and ninety four,
The ocean was crossed by Albert Gore.
With three ships he sailed to the cliffs of Dover,
The Bill, the Hillary and the Tipperover.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

And, of course, Gore made great friends with the "Native Americans", a name that he invented years before the country was even call "America", and apologized for the vile treatment at the hands of the evil white Columbus who got there two years earlier.

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