THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
New Gun Provisions, Do As I Say, Clinton's "Strategy",
Sex and Sneezing, and More Bad News for Bill
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, April 30, 1999
Clinton Gun Provisions
Top Five Provisions of Clinton's New Gun Control
Legislation
5. The president's sale of missiles to China will be
restricted to one per month
4. As a concession to Republicans,
a lock will have to be placed in Clinton's pants.
3. You can no longer refer to Hillary as "Mother
Deuce" or "Old Betsy", but Bill can still call himself "Long Tom".
2. Clinton will have to get a concealed weapon permit
--
but first he has to actually conceal it.
1. Rep. Barney Frank's and
Jerry Nadler's mouth will be classified as
"large bore" weapons.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Thursday, April 29, 1999
More Bad News For Bill
Bill Clinton sat in the Oval Office, his head in his hands,
shaking back and forth and he muttered "no, no, no, no ..." to
himself, over and over. Before him on the desk were the latest
reports from Kosovo, along with wire reports from the Washington
Post, CNN, MSNBC, the Associated Press and the new issue of Variety.
An aide came in and asked what was wrong.
"It's terrible. How could this possibly happen twice within
a week?"
The perplexed aide asked what had happened? Another school
shooting? More civilian casualties?
"No. First Pamela Anderson got a boob reduction and now
Demi Moore wants her implants out, too!"
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Wednesday, April 28, 1999
Do As I Say Not As I Do
You can't make this kind of stuff up...
Recent news from the White House:
Bill Clinton has announced that we must teach our young people
to solve their problems with words and not weapons.
Meanwhile, he's just finished his fourth week of bombing Yugoslavia.
Bill Clinton has called for raising the age to own a handgun from
18 to 21.
Meanwhile, he's calling up 33,000 reservists and shipping them
off to Kosovo. Hopefully, they will be old enough to use their guns,
if necessary.
[Submitted by C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Tuesday, April 27, 1999
Has Anyone Said "God Bless You" to Bill?
Recent scientific studies reported in the news show a strong connection
that shows people who have sex twice per week are less likely to catch
colds.
In other news, Bill Clinton recently celebrated his 7000th consecutive
week without sneezing.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Monday, April 26, 1999
Top Five Things Overheard at Clinton's Last
Military Strategy Meeting
5. Boy, Risk was never like this.
4. So did you hear that Pam Anderson got another boob
job?
3. Hillary's in New York again, so I can keep some
refugees in my bedroom.
2. Out?
Why in the world would she take them out?
1. Hey, just five more minutes and the pizza's free!
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
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