THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
The Clinton Virtual Reality Library, Gun Control, Star Wars
and Clinton Nicknames
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, May 21, 1999
Top Five Clinton Nicknames
5. Monica's Slick Willy
4. The Lying Treasonous Rapist Pervert
3. The Head Man in the Oval Office
2. B. J. Clinton
1. The Impeach President of the United States:
Im-POTUS
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
New Gun Control Measures
Bill Clinton took a break from watching C-SPAN's live coverage
of gun control debates to catch Tom Selleck's guest shot on "The
Rosie O'Donnell Show". An aide walked in and asked how the debate
was going.
Clinton smiled, "Oh, everything's really Rosie."
[cjburke@io.com]
And remember, buy all your guns from the number one gun seller
in the United States: K-Mart, K-Mart, K-Mart.
Right, Rosie?
Thursday, May 20, 1999
More From the Clinton Virtual Reality Library
Note: see Monday's joke, below.
Here's the first review:
"I loved it!" said one happy visitor to the Clinton Virtual Reality
Museum. "It really felt like I was shooting Vince Foster myself! And
Eleanor Mondale! That was sooo cool! The Monica ride kinda sucked,
though."
[dagalagas@yahoo.com]
Perhaps they could have ET there as well, saying, "ET phone Jiang".
[lazfilm@aol.com]
The virtual Clinton story will be a thriller. I especially look forward
to
Back to the Bridge to the Future. May I suggest another virtual Clinton
parallel with the great patriots that said "Remember the Alamo." Clinton
"virtuated" the same thing when he said, "Forget Los Alamos."
[Jim Woll, jwnfree@aol.com]
Wednesday, May 19, 1999
Clinton in Manhattan to See
Star Wars?
Impeached President Bill Clinton is in New York City today for yet
another fundraising luncheon with New York Democrats. He planned
a side trip to "Peepworld" but he couldn't squeeze it in, so he had
his aides rearrange the luncheon's entertainment.
They're bringing in a bunch of Bare Naked Ladies
to sing a chorus of "If I Had A Million Dollars ...".
Actually, the main reason for Clinton's visit isn't the money. He
is in fact going to sneak into a screening of Star Wars
at the Zeigfeld Theater. In honor of that, we have a couple of Clinton
Star Wars jokes:
Q: Who are Clinton's favorite Star Wars
characters?
A: Bubba Fett and Princess Layher.
Q: Who is Clinton's least favorite Star Wars
character?
A: Hand Solo.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Tuesday, May 18, 1999
Sorry, I had to take a Personal Day off.
Monday, May 17, 1999
The Clinton Virtual Reality Library
Steven Spielberg has contacted Bill Clinton about creating a
"virtual reality" exhibit and the nation's only presidential library
dedicated to an impeached president. Spielberg is a master of fiction,
which makes him the best possible candidate for such a "virtual history".
Among the top features of the
new exhibit . . . .
6.Close Encounters of the Second Term (in the Office
Closet)
5.Raiders of the Lost Billing Records
4.Jurassic Pork Barrel Politics
3.Back to the Bridge to the Future When My Polls are
Sagging
2.Arkansas Bill and the Temple of Fundraisers
1. The most arousing exhibition, The Color Purple
(tastefully shown, of course).
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
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