THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Hillary Slips, Soccer Scores, and Watch out for that Eagle!
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, July 16, 1999
Dems Moving In for the Kyl?
National Democrats are looking to move into Arizona, where
they consider the junior Senator Jon Kyl to be "the most vulnerable
incumbent" in the nation. The only problem is that they can't find
anyone to actually run for the seat.
Here are two suggestions:
Hillary Clinton: Her New York bid is crashing and
burning before take-off, so maybe she'll move to Arizona instead of
moving to New York. It's not like she's planning on actually living
there, so the climate shouldn't bother her.
Bill Clinton: Arizona would be the perfect place
for his post-presidency period. He'd be close enough to California
to run Dreamworks and close enough to Nevada for the legal hookers.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Thursday, July 15, 1999
Hillary's Slip-Up
While on her non-campaigning "listening tour" in Long Island, N.Y.,
Hillary Clinton,
while speaking for gun control and gun violence,
spoke to a woman whose son was murdered.
The woman interrupted quickly to inform Ms. Clinton that
her son was alive.
"Glad to see he got better."
Maybe she should listen better.
[submitted by C. J. Burke]
Wednesday, July 14, 1999
One More Soccer Story
This is a true news report. One of the women on the U.S. World Cup
Champion Soccer
team is married to a U.S. Marine stationed overseas. Though he supported
his wife,
he hadn't planned on getting a furlough
to see the final championship game.
However, when he heard that Clinton would
be at the Rose Bowl for the final game, he managed to get leave and was by
her
side after the victory...
... standing guard, presumably.
Nice to know how some individuals in the armed forces feel about their
"commander-in-chief".
[submitted by C. J. Burke]
Tuesday, July 13, 1999
The Eagle Incident
News Item: On July 3, 1999, impeached President
Bill Clinton was bitten on the hand by an eagle named Challenger at a
ceremony celebrating the removal of the bald eagle, the symbol of
America, from the endangered species list.
Top Ten Reasons Why Challenger the Eagle Bit
Clinton
10. Heard that Hillary wanted him replaced so that
"we can get our birds into those slots."
9. Challenger was influenced by his extreme right
wing and secretly trained by the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy to
bite the rapist-in-chief.
8. Trying to save the country by instilling some
sense of patriotism to Clinton.
7. Challenger wanted to pay Clinton back for biting
Juanita Broaddrick.
6. Was hoping that someone would tell Clinton to
treat the bite wound by saying "put some ice on it."
5. Found out what Clinton had done to the U.S.
military.
4. Offended by residual odor of Communist Chinese
cash on Clinton's hand.
3. Wanted to take a bite out of crime.
2. Furious that draft dodger Clinton would use him
as a symbol.
1. Wanted to test the theory that Clinton would
taste like chicken (surprise - he did!).
[bfeeney@NOTfloodlight-findings.com (delete NOT to email)]
B O N U S * J O K E
The Truth
Revealed: Robin Hood Was Gay!
Did you hear Robin Hood was gay? Yeah, he never made Marion.
I take no credit for that joke. I think I heard that about 30
years ago, and it was probably old then. But the real joke is
that two professors apparantly have made this the thesis of their
lives' work. They point to the sexual imagery of the arrows. I'm
glad that the merry men didn't use spears -- think of that imagery!
I'm starting to believe that they're may be a crisis in education
after all.
Monday, July 12, 1999
U.S. Wins the Women's World Cup!
In celebration of her winning soccer goal, U.S. women's soccer team
player Brandi Chastain stripped off her jersey and twirled it over her
head.
Bill Clinton, who was on hand at the victory, likewise
stripped off his pants and twirled them over his head to join in the
celebration.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
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