THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE

Hillary's Roots, Her Codename, Ivan Duda, Executive Orders and the Solar Eclipse

Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the current President.

Friday, August 13, 1999

The Solar Eclipse

Europe and Asia were treated to a total solar eclipse a few days ago. People in the United States could not view the moon as it traveled across the sky, blotting out the sun, but Bill Clinton wasn't disappointed.
It seems that the only "moons" he's interested in seeing are wearing thongs.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Thursday, August 12, 1999

Hillary's Code Name
Q:What is the code name given to Hillary's run on the Senate?
A: "The Blair Witch Project".
[Anthony Cerbini, acerbini@techsure.com]

Wednesday, August 11, 1999

Clinton's New Executive Order on Unlawful Internet Use
On August 5th, 1999, Bill Clinton issued an Executive order to form a Working Group designated to target "Unlawful Conduct on the Internet. The Chair of that group would be none other than the Attorney General, currently Janet Reno.

Among the top five initiatives of this group:
5. Exemptions will be carved out for illegal activity by the DNC.
4. Webmasters that tick off Janet will have their houses "Wacoed".
3. Crackdown on off-shore websites selling Cuban cigars to Americans for smoking purposes.
2. Reno will set up a personal site for herself: www.sargeantschultz.gov
1. This page is now defined as "Hate Speech".
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]

Tuesday, August 10, 1999

Hillary and Ivan Duda
A new book, "Bill and Hillary: the Marriage", by Christopher Anderson reveals that Hillary hired former FBI agent Ivan Duda to investigate and gather dirt concerning Bill and his private affairs.
. . . which sparked a new song:

Clinton's lady sings this song,
Du-da, Du-da
Investigate him all night long,
And all the Du-Da Day!

Investigate all night
Investigate all day
Bet my money on old Hillary
Let's "listen" to what she'll say.

New lyrics by Tanniker Smith.
[Tanniker Smith]

Monday, August 9, 1999

Hillary's Roots
This Just In!: It has now been revealed that Hillary also has black roots.
A spokesperson for the First Lady said that she was planning to dye them more often.
[submitted by C. J. Burke]
Hillary is also chasing after the Amish vote now.
It seems that her new book will be called
It Takes a Village To Raise a Barn.
[heard going around the office]

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