THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Traffic Jams, Disaster Relief, Lockhart's Stories,
and Now That You Mansion It . . .
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, September 24, 1999
Joe Lockhart's Made-Up Stories
White House Press Secretary Joe Lockhart, alluding to a character
on the NBC series "West Wing" making up White House history, admitted
that he, too, has made up stories. Now, I won't say that these made
up stories are akin to lying, but I will present . . .
The Top Ten Statements Made Up by Joe Lockhart
10. The president never inhaled.
9. Hillary in a bathing suit? Great pair of legs, don't you think?
8. I believe his lawyer answered that fully.
7. Monica Lewinsky wasn't here that night.
6. Gennifer Flowers wasn't here that night.
5. Sam, you got something on your shirt. Next question...
4. The president was in the residence alone while the First Lady was on out town.
3. The president hasn't seen it yet.
2. I love these daily press gatherings. Can't you feel the love?
1. I believe the president.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Thursday, September 23, 1999
Another Clinton in Another Traffic Jam
There was another traffic jam in NYC yesterday morning, but this
time a Clinton didn't cause. Instead, a Clinton was actually caught in
it! Hillary Clinton, having declined closing off streets to wisk her
way through Manhattan, got out of her car and walked 12 blocks to her
scheduled stop. She arrived at Rockerfeller Center to great cheers
as she greeted all the New Yorkers around her.
Afterward she was informed the reason for the cheers, at that
time of the morning, Rockerfeller Center is filled completely
with tourists, not New Yorkers.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Toricellit's Secret
New Jersey Senator Robert Toricelli finally admitted why he
suggested Hillary's name as a candidate for the New York Senate
seat being vacated by Sen. Pat Moynihan.
HE was afraid she might run in New Jersey instead.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Wednesday, September 22, 1999
Clinton Stops Traffic . . . Again
Despite Mayor Giuliani's best efforts to enforce traffic
regulations recently, traffic was snarled across midtown Manhattan
yesterday as Bill Clinton made yet another visit to the UN.
Things might have started flowing again sooner, however, after
the UN, the impeached president made an unscheduled stop down
in the Village. He needed some cigars.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Latest Hillary Scandal!
This one will have her ridden out of New York on a rail!
Lucianne Goldberg is reporting on her
website that she has
received e-mail from an eyewitness who is reporting that
Hillary Clinton was spotted on Long Island . . .
. . . eating pizza with a knife and fork!
Forget the Yankee cap. Forget the Jewish ancestry.
Forget courting the Puerto Rican terrorist vote.
That's just not done in New York!
Tuesday, September 21, 1999
New York Disaster Relief
Citing New York Jet Vinny Testaverde's season-ending injury
and the lack of a New York Giant defense, President Clinton has
declared a state of emergency and announced that New York sports
teams will now qualify for disaster relief funds.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Meanwhile, a spokesperson for Mrs. Clinton announced, "the
First Lady is happy that her Yankees appear to have pulled out
of that nasty stump. Er, slump."
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Monday, September 20, 1999
Now that You Mansion It...
Over the last week or two, there have been a number of names
for the estate purchased by the Clintons floating around cyberspace.
The following table contains some of my favorites, collated from the
suggestions found at Free
Republic (some of which may have originated elsewhere).
| #1 Stonewall Lane |
A Place Called Dope |
Arkansas on the Hudson |
| Bent 1 Lane |
Car Villa |
Casa de la Bimba |
| Castle Grande |
Charlie's Trie House |
Commie Cottage |
| Coverup Cove |
Disgrace Land |
Felon's Glen |
| Grim Acres |
Home Despot |
Home of the Whopper |
| Huang Way |
La Vida Coca |
Megan's Lawn |
| Panty Shanty |
PeeWee's Playhouse |
Perjury Pagoda |
| Pervert Palace |
Pig's Sty |
Pinnochio Place |
| Scamalot |
Slithering Heights |
The House that Treason Built |
| The Love Shack |
The Most Ethical Little
Whorehouse In Westchester |
Treason Trails |
| Zipper Downs |
|
|
[edited by C. J. Burke]
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