THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Vetoed Tax Cuts, Hillary and Dung, Vocal Problems and Gary
Bauer
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, October 1, 1999
Vocal Problems
Doctors diagnosed Clinton as having swollen vocal cords caused in part by
"voice overuse." These voice problems have happened repeatedly during his
campaigns and since he became President. In a related development, a
researcher finds that chronic liars often have chronic voice problems.
[Bill Feeney, bfeeney@NOTfloodlight-findings
(delete NOT to email)
Thursday, September 30, 1999
Every Shred of Evidence?
When questioned about a picnic last Friday by a reporter
regarding the campaign-finance fiasco, impeached president Clinton
grew irate and proclaimed,
"We've spent $ 4 million and gave the (campaign-finance) task force
millions of records and every shred of evidence . . ."
The reporter was ejected before he could ask the obvious follow-up
question about "every shred of evidence, which has long
been suspected.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
A Fraudian slip, perhaps?
Bauer Denies 'Vicious' Adultery Rumor
GOP presidential candidate Gary Bauer
says he has not violated his marriage vows to his wife of 27 years.
Well, he'll never be elected president with this type of claim.
[Melton L Culberth, 2dalimit@2fords.net]
Wednesday, September 29, 1999
Top Five: Hillary's Art Critique
The Brooklyn Museum is set to open with an exhibition which,
according to press releases, may cause people to become nauseous
upon viewing. Mayor Rudy Giuliani is withholding the museum's
funding over the controversial exhibits, which include a painting
of the Virgin Mary covered with elephant dung,
while carpetbagger
Hillary Clinton has come out in favor of it.
Which leads to . . .
Top Five Reasons Hillary Is Backing the Dung Show
5. After getting the Puerto Rican terrorist vote,
she's courting the vile anti-Christian vote.
4. She can appreciate thrown elephant dung
because she's been tossing the bull for years.
3. The elephant dung is symbolic of Africa, where
it takes a village to make a campaign slogan.
2. She's considering a similar project involving
that lyin', cheatin' hubby.
1. Offends
me: Hate Speech; Offends you: Art.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Tuesday, September 28, 1999
Top Five Reasons That Clinton Vetoed the GOP Tax Cuts
5. No provision allowing interns to deduct cost of kneepads.
4. No provision making bribes from FALN terrorists tax-deductible.
3. Afraid that too many people would contribute some of their tax cut to
the GOP.
2. Decided that the record surplus means that he is not spending money fast
enough.
1. Truly believes that he can spend your money better than you can spend
your money.
[Bill Feeney, bfeeney@NOTfloodlight-findings (delete NOT to email)]
Monday, September 27, 1999
Top Five Reasons for Pardoning
FALN Terrorists
The impeached president has refused to elaborate on his decision
to grant clemency to FALN terrorists other than to say that there
was nothing political about it, having nothing to do with Hillary's
Senate race. His claim of executive privilege let's the nation to
wonder the . . . .
Top Five Reasons for Pardoning
FALN Terrorists
5. Wants to run for president of independent Puerto
Rico.
4. Was playing "Truth or Dare" with Madonna again.
3. Que quiere decir "interns" en Espanol?
2. Hoping to impress Jennifer Lopez or Cameron Diaz.
1. They gave him mucho dinero!
[C. J. Burke]
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