THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Gore Stumbles, Mattel Stumbles,
Gore Doesn't Want to Be Prez,
Trump Does,
and Problems in the West Wing
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, October 8, 1999
Trump for President?
Real-estate developer and all-around self-promoter Donald Trump
may through his hat into the presidential ring, provided that that
he can get his swelled head out of it first.
Trump, who is frequently photographed with a different model
on his arm at every public appearance, isn't considered strong
presidential material. For one thing, he waited until he was
divorced to start seeing a bevy of ladies. For another, the
women he sees are all drop-dead gorgeous.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
For those not getting the joke: the president's stable of
women usually look like that's where they came from!
Trouble at the West Wing
There's trouble brewing at "The West Wing". Not the building
in DC, but on the set of the new TV series. Rumor has it that
actor Rob Lowe hits on everything in a skirt and is driving
everyone crazy. Says consultant and former White House Press
Secretary Dee Dee Meyers, "He's worse than Bill Clinton."
One wonders how bad you have to be to be that bad.
Note: Rob Lowe's greatest claim to fame
was the X-rated video of him and an underage partner taken
during the 1992 Democrat Convention in New York City, the one
which gave the country Bill Clinton.
[C. J. Burke, cjburke@io.com]
Thursday, October 7, 1999
Gore Stumbles!
V.P. Al Gore stumbled yesterday in his campaign to be the next
president. Not in the polls, but in his headquarters!
WTVF Nashville last night showed the uptight Gore as he
stumbled and knocked over a post while trying to cut the
ceremonial ribbon.
When aides tried to assist the fallen Al Gore, Al Gore replied,
"Al Gore doesn't need any help. Al Gore can cut a ribbon. Al
Gore is not Bob Dole."
Meanwhile, though the new HQ building was dedicated, the offices
themselves are still devoid of furniture, equipment and volunteers.
Apparently, the lights are on, but no one's home.
[anonymous submission, based on a true story]
Wednesday, October 6, 1999
Spanking/Drug Link Found?
Children who are spanked are twice as likely to develop alcohol and
drug abuse problems and engage in anti-social behaviour when they grow
up, according to a new study published in the Canadian Medical
Association Journal.
I guess this means that Bill Clinton was spanked day and night.
[anonymous submission]
Tuesday, October 5, 1999
Mattel Stocks Drops 28 Percent!
Yesterday, toymaker Mattel was rocked when it announced that
it's projected third-quarter earnings were anticipated to be much
lower than expected. As a result, the stock's price dropped 28%,
closing under the $12.00 mark.
A company spokesman blamed the loss of earnings on the poor
performance of the new "Clinton's Women Barbie(tm)" line of dolls
and the fact that most toy stores kept the accessories behind the
counter in brown-paper bags.
[C. J. Burke]
Monday, October 4, 1999
Al Gore Doesn't Want to Be President
Impeached President Bill Clinton reportedly said that Al Gore
doesn't really want to be president and that Al's just trying to
please his deceased father.
After Clinton made this comment during a friendly game of 1-on-1,
a reporter asked, "By the way, Mr. President, where did you get that
cool Knicks jersey?"
[C. J. Burke]
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